Can we talk about something deep?

by kenpodragon 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • kenpodragon
    kenpodragon

    The other night my mom called me to just talk. My mother is a Jehovah's Witness still, so it is not unusual for that to be obvious in the conversation. Now I love my mom very much, and enjoy any time I can spend talking to her. The problem is, what Jehovah's Witnesses want to talk about, or what they can talk about can be very boring. I will be sitting there thinking, "what can I say next?" and have thoughts come to mind like ... "How about mentioning that book you just read?" Then I will remember that book is something they might consider demonized, or feel that it is a subject that they should not touch. So it just fades away. "How about mentioning your plans for the next few months?" Then I will remember that the next few months involved the Holidays and she is trying to act like we do not do observe those days. "How about mentioning that raise your wife got at work?" Well that might work, but didn't she say recently that all we ever think about is toys and money. Which as I know from my past, is a attempt at saying we are now materialistic. ... so as I sit there talking to her and having these thoughts go through my mind, I have to wonder, "what did we talk about before I left the religion that seems so time consuming and interesting to my mind?" Have you ever had one of those moments in your life where you just drank so much that even a fly buzzing around the room seemed like the most fascinating experience of the day? I know this happened to me once, and when I was more then "three sheets to the wind" I had a great idea to write something. I thought it was something I needed to get down on the word processor at that very moment. I barely remember even turning the computer on, or what I wrote. All I knew was that it must be the most important thing I wrote all year. I typed for hours, and hours. Until I was done. Then I crashed and went to bed. Well the next morning I woke up not feeling to good and spending a couple of moments at the porcelain god praying to it that I would never do that again. Later, I wandered into the computer room and found my masterpiece that I barley remember writing. I read it and I have to say, "explaining why red was a better color then yellow for three pages was not that interesting." Yet I know when I was drunk it was the most fascinating thing I ever thought of. This type of event is how I kind of see my Witness days. When I was in and having long conversation about whether or not pets would be resurrected into the new system, or whether or not Adam and Eve had belly buttons. I was thinking "stimulating conversation" and yet now I think "what a bunch of useless dribble." Basically, I look to those days the same way I look to moments of being completely drunk. You really need to be drunk to understand them. Now if you have ever had to be the sober one in the group to drive you friends home, than you will also relate to this. You are sitting there with your drunken friends and they are laughing about everything, and most of it you just don't get. It might be the fact that someone had a funny look on their face, or that such-in-such passed some gas. In all, you spend most of the night annoyed that all of your friends are so drunk that you can not relate to anything they are saying unless you were as well. Well this is how my conversations go with my mother at times. I love her like I said, but when I talk to her and have to censor out 90% of my life. The conversation can be so boring. How many times are we going to just sit and talk about the new recipe she came up with, or the talk on pruning her trees. Sometimes I want to scream, "can we talk about something deep?" Yet I know the answer would be ... "I don't understand what you mean?" and she would be saying the truth. Now I know I am not alone in this and I know others I talk to, that are Jehovah's Witnesses make me feel the same. Does this happen to you as well? My thought Dragon

    Edited by - kenpodragon on 24 October 2002 14:14:29

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    Amen, brother!! It happens to me with, my mother everyday. I could just scream sometimes. I will be telling her about a TV show I liked, or a book, and she is looking for a message in what I say. She is wondering why I am telling her this. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    On Saturday, she was studying for the WT, and asked me what it was I had learned at pioneer school about the sower, because she remembered there was something that was interesting and new to her.......... She wanted to comment on it. I wracked my brain trying to remember. I finally dredged it up, and she didn't like the application, so I doubt she made the comment. It was that the weeds were sown in with the wheat, at the same time the wheat was planted, and were always weeds. They weren't wheat that turned into weeds. It isn't that big a deal, and not all that new, but I am sure it blew away her thoughts about why people go bad "in the truth".

    One of my JW friends (who still actually talks to me) cleans for Mom, and was there last week. Mom was talking about the book study lesson, for that week. It even creeped my friend out. Mom said "It's so nice to talk about the truth with someone." My friend told me she was saying to herself "Don't start with me lady." She is a dub, but not all that interested in it.

  • SYN
    SYN

    Wow, Kenpo, you're really on a roll lately! Nice!

    Sample Conversation With A Dub:

    Dub: Hi!
    Worldly Fellermelad: Y0.
    Dub: Isn't it saddening to see how bad this Old System is getting?
    Worldly Fellermelad: Yeah, I hear they're perfecting gene therapy now to cure people of diseases that everyone used to think were incurable.
    Dub: Yes, truly, Satan is walking about like a lion, seeking to devour the innocents. You can't go anywhere these days without seeing pornography or blasphemy. Oh, and did I mention that the vulture population is increasing?
    Worldly Fellermelad: Well, wildlife and naked women aside, I don't think the End of The World will be brought about by Ghod. We're such efficient killers, why would we need Ghod to do the dirty work for us?
    Dub: But it says in the Bible that Jehover will bring an End To This World At Armageddon (TM).
    Worldly Fellermelad: Oh, we can't talk about that. My views on the subject are verboten to your mind. Might stumble you or something, Sheep.

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    My mom is a very preachy individual, it didn't take her long to realize that once she started preaching to me on the phone, I would hang up. When ever I visited her and she started preaching, I left. I always told my mother advance that if she starts in on me, I'm gone or I'll hang up. Today, she doesn't say a word and life with her has been A1.

    As to that fly, I can't understand why he didn't keel over from the fumes he inhaled.

    Guest 77

  • mustang
    mustang

    Kenpo,

    I recently discovered something very similar. I have regaled the board with my agonies a few times.

    Long story short: Dad called me every two weeks to drag me back for 20+ years.

    I finally decided to write my grievances down in a letter, as he kept "asking for it" (exactly that: "...what have I ever done to you?"). I decided to confront this head on. Next thing I know, talking to his wife (my "stepmother"; sounds strange, as we are all getting old). She is telling how the letter I wrote (in his view) was one of contrition and agreement with his views!!!

    WHAT!!! I know that I said something insulting and inflammatory at least once. Turns out my writing is "stilted" compared to his literary abilities. Also, he is approaching senility, but is still carrying on the campaign to re-convert. But occasionally, he lapses into a dream world where he has "won".

    I immediately discussed this incident with my brother; I thought about it and decided NOT to "DUMB DOWN" my communication with him. If anything, the JW's did the "rob me of my education" thing. I got through that with a lot of effort. I am through living my life for him. This is who I am: DEAL WITH IT!!!

    Mustang

    Edited by - mustang on 24 October 2002 15:5:54

  • Francois
    Francois

    KenPo - I did my best vapor writing when I was smoking a certain South American, um, herb. I just knew I was writing the Great American Novel - 'til the next day. Whoa was it ever bad.

    I can't stand talking to my mother if Da Troof is gonna come up, and even sometimes when it doesn't. My mother is not an educated person and when she starts inserting into the conversation little conversational gambits that are straight from the WT, it just makes me grind my teeth. Once years ago, she said, "The New Morality is nothing but the old immorality," I almost broke a spring.

    "Mom," I said, "you don't talk like that, ever. Please stop quoting the WT to me, you know I don't have any more truck with that cult."

    "Well, it's true!"

    "Maybe so, but Mt 7:1 is true too and you're violating it right now. Stop your judging and let's go get some boiled pnuts."

    Sheesh.

    francois

  • larc
    larc

    I have had those kinds of conversations with my sister. The conversations are nice and all, but we have had a don't ask don't tell policy about the religion. Well, in our last conversation, she brought up how terrable things were. I pointed out that they were far worse in the 14th century. She pointed out that it was a composite sign that included the preaching work. I pointed out that the religion has not reached vast areas like China, India, and the Middle East. She pointed out that Jehovah could change that in an instant. I just said, I suppose he could but hasn't yet. Well, that was the end of it, and niether of us changed our opinions.

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    I used Simon's suggestion on my mother a few weeks ago.

    "Mom, could they ever do anything or teach anything, that would make you believe they aren't Jehovah's organization?" (I used Jehovah for her benefit)

    Her answer was "No." So I said that scared me because it meant she was manipulated by a cult. Then I said "What if they told you it was all right to murder me?" Silence. She wouldn't give me the satisfaction. Grrrrrr.

  • wednesday
    wednesday

    My sons and i talk about everything. even when i was an active jw, i liked talking to them. Pehaps u could ask mom for "baby advice". that should get her going. I now it does me.The baby is going to be a big pull for her. If she is a typical granmother, she'll compromise to see her baby. The baby can provide hours of converstaion.

    I am so gald i am inactive and don't worrry about my kids celebarating the holidays or not. i even had pictures taken last year at my sons house with a xmas tree in background. (hope no one ever sees those).

    Just wanted to say, u seem like a very well grounded person and how lucky your baby is going to be .

    wednesday

  • kenpodragon
    kenpodragon
    Just wanted to say, u seem like a very well grounded person and how lucky your baby is going to be .

    Wednesday

    Thanks, and yes baby talk is a big conversation right now. My mom has a lot of love to give and will make a great grandmother. I always have that hidden hope that one day she will snap out of the religion, but she has been in since 74 ... although she was Df'ed for a while and came back, after my parents divorce. I just wish I could tell her more about my life sometimes and what me and my wife enjoy, and not have that "censor" warning go off. I have tried to push it sometimes, but I value her relationship to much to let it push her away.

    Take Care

    Dragon

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