Can we talk about something deep? (page 2)

NameWithheld

Dragon, wow, what a topic. This is exactly how I feel around my family. Every time they revert into their JWism's of "woe, the world is so bad" "woe, the big A(TM) is near" I want to puke. 9-11 was a big one, and of course the first thing I heard about was how many JWs died ... to which I replied, yea, and 5000 others died too. No reply for that one. Then it was on to how this means we are 'so close to the end(TM)' - Kind of like 1975? Or 1986 when the UN called it the year of peace and security? The excitment in their voices about this tradgedy of that one, how it points to the end. Or the story about how "wonderful(TM)" their day in field service was, or who is signing up to pioneer.

As if I am supposed to relate to those things, when I know how horribly mind-numbing field service is, how 99% of the people you can get to agree to have a bible study (that oh so wonderful 'blessing' from Jehover) are absolute freaks or losers you would never be around if you had the choice. And how 99% of the doors you knock on are not home or HBH - home but hiding.

Then you hear how the latest assembly was so "encourageing(TM)" - and what are they 'encouraged' to do? Flog the whip, more more more more field service, meetings, WT reading. No time for the "worldly(TM)" things like, you know, taking care of your family, feeding and clothing them, etc. Bad little JW for missing the meeting last week. Jehover isn't happy with you for that. Slab the guilt on heavy, and share it with others to be sure they are not having any 'fun' either. Jehover doesn't like 'fun'.

I love your analogy with being around drunk people. It's so true. It's as if on a fundimental level we just cannot relate - 2 different worlds.

I hate having to censor everything I talk about knowing that it will a) offend, b) sail over their heads, or c) simply prove to them how 'wicked(TM)' I am. It's hard to sit there with a smile on your face when that drivel is being discussed.

Solace

We are constantly noticing just how little we have in common with my JW family.

I once noticed my daughter e-mailing her witness cousin so I popped my head in to remind her not to tell her about the Harry Potter movie she just saw. (its demonized ya know) I also reminded her not to mention how she stayed the night at her friends house to celebrate her friends birthday. I also reminded her not to mention what music shes listening to. (Brittney is far too trampy for my JW niece) I also reminded her not to mention how her class went to see the Nutcracker for their holiday field trip, or what she wanted for Christmas etc. etc. etc. By the time I finished talking to her, I have no idea what she had left to write about.

We try to keep things very light when talking to my family. It usually ends up consisting of, how the kids are doing, weather, sports, work etc. ANYTHING but religion........

cruzanheart

I can relate! I just became a Southern Living At Home consultant and decided to invite all my old Witness friends to my launch party. Curiosity made me want to see how many would show up, and I was right - I invited at least 20 people and had 7 show up. Have any of you noticed that Witnesses tend to neglect the basic rules of good manners (i.e., RSVP and let your yes mean yes, if you say you're coming)? I had noticed that a lot over the years but passed over it.

The evening was oppressive because of all the things we couldn't talk about. There was a lot of gossip about people past and present, though when I brought up about the convicted sex offender in one of the congregations the conversation ceased immediately. All in all, it was a "dog" party, to quote my upline.

Now, the next day I did a party at a work friend's house, and it was a blast! All the people who told her they would come did in fact show up, and the conversation was easy, no forbidden topics, no embarrassment, no need to look virtuous for anyone else. It was amazing!

Nina

NameWithheld

We try to keep things very light when talking to my family. It usually ends up consisting of, how the kids are doing, weather, sports, work etc. ANYTHING but religion........

Yep, same here. That and light gossip about so and so. Makes for very uninteresting conversations. When it branches into how wonderful this or that JW related things is, or on the opposite hand, how horrible this or that 'worldly' event is, I just grin and bear it. But god forbid I should point out anti-JW things!

Of course, the funny thing is, when I was 'in' I hated the same drivel. Nothing's changed for me :)

kenpodragon

Heaven

With all those censors, was her response simply to say "I am fine" ... seems like everything else got taken away because of all their fears.

My thought

Dragon

gold_morning

Ken,

I hear you, but sometimes we don't hear them. What I mean to say is that they are hurt as much as we are. They are just so well trained not to show it. They are as lost to converstional topics as we are as the things that revolve around their lives no longer touch ours.

What your mom really needs is for you to make sure she knows that despite it all, you really do love her. That is what her heart needs.

Sometimes we consider those that were our family and friends our enemies now, when really that definition belongs to the society not them. They are as much victims as we once were.

just a thought.

agape love gold morning

Pathofthorns

When I am speaking with JW's the conversation is generally organization stuff and gossip about other JW's, when I am talking with exJW's it is generally about how much they hate the WT and how it has ruined their life and when I'm talking with workmates it is business and when I am talking with neighbours it is house and family stuff...

I think most conversation is just what it is and we talk about what we do depending on who we are talking with. I just find that when I talk with active JW's it all seems so strange now and I no longer relate. But the bitter conversation among many xJW's (and I include myself) is not what I prefer either.

Interesting thread when you give it some thought... anyway...

Path

kenpodragon

Sometimes we consider those that were our family and friends our enemies now

I understand your thought, but I would like to add that I never consider any of my family members enemies. I feel a two sided hurt at times, in that I hurt that they can not see my side of things as much as I can no longer see theirs. Yet we both love each other and that is what really matters.

I don't know if I personally see the society as a enemy, as they have lost for the most part in my life. There might be times that they frustrate me, but there are many religions in this world that do equal or worse then their actions. I think seeing someone as a enemy is giving into hate. I fill some pity, but never hate.

My thought

Dragon

Beck_Melbourne

Ah Dragon, you made me think about my mother today, and now I'm gonna have to give her a call LOL.

When I was a JW I used to be close to my mother...but then I shamed her and she shunned me and well, you know the rest. So in time I eventually reconstructed my life without her, and hey I made it.

That leaves me in a position where the only time I make contact with her is when I'm feeling charitable...she appreciates the contact and she is over the whole shunning thing, even though she is still a staunch JW. So for 2 hours every now and then she will chat away to me over the phone and give me an update on her cats, her dog, my nan's crook knee, her property and her tenants, her job, and SOMETIMES she will give me the dirt on the local congregation

As for her preaching about her jw'ism...it never comes up anymore as she knows she'll end up getting in over her head if she starts me LOL.
Great post.

~Beck~

Ravyn

can I ask a question?

what would happen if you just started talking to your JW relatives about your real 'worldly' life without holding back or avoiding forbidden JW themes? Since the JW's dont seem to have a problem putting you on the spot---why can't you just relax and turn the tables? Why do your children have to hold back?

if all you are concerned about is making the still-JW relatives uncomfortable, what the heck is the big deal? or is it the condemnation of them you fear? why?

don't you think that maybe, just maybe, if your relatives see you as a normal, healthy and HAPPY person outside of the Borg, that it could lead to them questioning all the bullcrap WTBTS puts out about how sick and demented(aka ganshing of teeth) we all are for leaving the 'truth'?

how can we 'witness by our actions' if we hold back from letting them know what our lives are really like?

as soon as I left I started out by sending my inactive mother christmas cards, mother's day cards, etc...every year. now after nearly 7 years, she tells me stories about how wonderful her childhood christmases were and appreciates my cards. I even sent her a jack o lantern with Halloween candy in it this year and she told me she already ate all the reese cups! My mother is 74. JWs and my SOB father wasted her life. and now she sends me gifts at xmas time, and birthday cards! She will never get those years back, never see my sister and I celebrate holidays as children. I hold nothing back from her now. If I come up with a spell(I am a witch now) that works, I call her and tell her like it is a recipe for carrot cake! She asked me to light a candle for her aunt who is passed. I even call her up and tell her particularly good naughty jokes. For the first time in my 40 years, my mother and I like each other. Dont give up the opportunity to talk to your still-JW relatives, how will you feel if someone dies before you have the chance to share reality?

Ravyn

Can we talk about something deep?

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