by FreePeace 39 Replies latest jw friends
Hey Doug,
As you may have known, my dad is not doing too well. He is not expected to live much longer. He could die today.
He has two forms of cancer, heart disease, fluid in one lung, his kidneys are starting to shut down, and he is blotted from fluid retention. My brother is there now, and the Doc's don't give him long.
I won't be going to the funeral. I just can't deal with the JW issues.
I just wanted to let you know.
Doug
Edited by - FreePeace on 29 October 2002 20:4:31
Sorry to hear about that Doug. Words don't help at a time like this. I know, been there. Hope you heal soon.
((((((FreePeace))))))
Hi Doug,
I won't be going to the funeral. I just can't deal with the JW issues
I hope that you don't mind if i respond to you. I am more or less in the same position with my dad. He is very ill as well. He has brain cancer and is receiving last hope treatment at a clinic in Houston that conducts clinical studies. Anyway, I quoted your above statement because I struggle with that issue. I love my father and don't want to hurt my mother by not attending. I just can't picture myself in a KH again for any reason.....even for my dad's funeral. I don't know what's right or wrong here but I can only try to remain true to my feelings. I am considering attending the burial only. I wouldn't be interested in any 'get togethers' afterwards either. I know that everyone's situation is unique with it's own pain but I'm just offering this suggestion for you to knock around with me if you'd like. I don't want to have regrets someday over this but I am sure that I do not want to enter a KH and appear to give that religion even a speck of support. I'm sorry that you are going thru this hard time too. Love, Dj
((((FreePeace)))
I'm very sad to hear that, Doug. I'll give you a call later. Thanks for letting me know.
I know how well you feel about your dad, and understand what a great loss this will be for you.
For those of you who don't know, Doug's dad was my presiding overseer in my formative years from 1960 to 1967. He was one of those kinds of overseers who the society dearly needed more of. He was always there to offer his help and support and he literally gave his life to the Watchtower from being a Missionary in Japan to serving at Bethel and I believe a CO for a period of time. In later years, his kind nature got him into trouble with the typical asshole elders who are only interested in promoting themselves. Gentle elders have always had a hard time in the Watchtower religion and he was no exception. After decades and decades of faithful service, he got the shaft. He made his mistakes and he paid for his mistakes as we all must do. He was the best PO I ever knew, although in my youth I was too arrogant and stupid to recognize it.
Farkel
Edited by - Farkel on 28 October 2002 15:0:53
((((((((FreePeace and family))))))))
Hi Freepeace,
I am very sorry to read of your imminent loss. Those of us that have lost parents know only too well the feelings that you are experiencing Take courage.
Farkel
I know what you mean about the right sort of elder , they are thin on the ground now.
Thanks to everyone for your kind words.
Fark, thank you for your kind words. I know you had some issues with dad, which is fine. Hell, I have some issues with him.
DJ,
I have thought long and hard about not attending the funeral. There are some reasons why I won't. First, funerals are for the living, not the dead. My presence there would only make things more awkward for them and for me. Also, there is no way I will subject myself to any more WT humiliation. I am not wrong in my viewpoint of the universe. I accept them regardless of what they believe. They don't return this to me. I will not go into the KH and be "the Disfellowshipped One..." I know my brother and sister won't understand, but that's fine. They don't talk to me anyway.
There is also another reason. Last week when I was visiting my dad at the nursing home, some JW sisters came in. One started talking about her DF'd daughter and how she is "being disciplined by Jehovah." I found myself unable to take it. So I surprised myself by standing up, and calling attention to the pictures of my brother, sister, and nephews my dad had on the shelf. I said, "Let's talk about discipline. See here, I will never see my brother, my sister, or my nephews again. They will never be a part of my life again, I've lost them all. Is that what you call 'discipline?" I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth. I then walked out of the room while my dad called out, "Doug, don't leave!" I went outside to cool off.
It was like I had this compulsion to say something. It was like I was just listening to this "other person" saying those things. I'm afraid that emotion will overtake me if I were to go to his funeral. I would enjoy bashing their "commercial" (memorial talk), but they wouldn't like it and I wouldn't want to cause dishonor to my father at his funeral. These are his beliefs, not mine.
So, I can't go. Too painful. No real value served. My mom understands.
_________
I've made peace with my dad. When I saw him a week ago in St. Louis, he wasn't as sick as now. I had a chance to tell him a few things. One thing I confronted him on was that all my life he told me he was proud of me...up until the day I was DF'd, 3 years ago. I told him that I have accomplished more good in the past 3 years than in all my life previous. I also told him that he has never once acknowledged my book, and that it used to bother me. But no longer.
I told him that I no longer needed his approval because I am proud of me, and that is more important.
I told him these things actually two weeks ago, then I drove to Kansas City from St. Louis to attend a certification training for Fred Pryor / CareerTrack Seminars, who I will now be training for. After the training, I drove back to St. Louis, and saw him for the last time. He told me he was proud of me for what I was now doing. I gave him the look, "Yeah right. You are just saying that because I confronted you about it." He noticed my reaction and said, "No, I mean It. I'm proud of you." I told him I appreciated it.
As I was leaving, I knew it would be the last time I would see him. He said, "Behave yourself." I said, "You too," and I walked out of his hospital room.
My dad needs to "move toward the white light..." for everyone concerned, including himself. Whatever is on the other side, I'll see him there. I told him this also.
My dad is a good man, just screwed by the WTS and his own thinking. He set a sterling example of generosity and goodness for me. Sure, he made his mistakes--some serious--but he still did some great things for other human beings in his life.
Again, thanks for the kind words everyone.
Doug
I'm so sorry your father is sick and I don't blame you for not going to the funeral, I don't think I could ever step foot in a KH again, the evilness would seem so thick.
((((HUGS))))
ven
