by FreePeace 39 Replies latest jw friends
((((((((((Doug))))))))))),
I feel so badly for what you are going through at this time. To say that your father is and was a good man, is truly a compliment to him.
My dad needs to "move toward the white light..." for everyone concerned, including himself. Whatever is on the other side, I'll see him there. I told him this also.
Your father is blessed to have a son like you.
I wish you well.
Love,
Robyn
Dear Doug & Tracy,
I am so sorry to hear of you fathers illness Doug, I wish you strength, and send lots of love your way.
{{{{{{{Freepeace & Family}}}}}}}
Latte
xx
(((Doug))) I'm sorry about your father. Peace to you in this terrible time.
Hey Doug,
I 150% relate to what you said about the compulsion to speak out and possible dishonor your father's memory. I feel exactly the same way. I also would be too upset when they started to try to convert all of the unbelieving relatives that I do have. I too have made peace with my dad who also was/is a good and decent caring man. He had his faults like all of us but he chose not to shun me when my husband needed 23 units of blood after an accident. That meant a lot to us because my others family members did shun us, including my mom. Even still....I will not set my foot into the KH. I will not attend any gathering either. I am considering attending the actual graveside and I most likely will speak to no one. I will lay my flower beside my papa's tomb and be on my way. I know that my family members will despise this but I feel it is best for everyone involved. I have never been to a jw funeral and I'm wondering if you can help me to see whether even going to the actual burial only could cause a problem for me. Do you think that it's right to assume that I can attend and not have to tolerate them and quietly slip away---or do I have it all wrong? Love, Dj
((((((((((((((((((((((((Doug&Tracey))))))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry about your father. If he does not make it and you do not go to the funeral. You can always have your own memorial for your father. In the way you feel it should be.
Shari
((((Group))))
You know, for a bunch of evil apostates you guys are pretty kind, decent and caring. Go figure!
Thanks for all the words of support. Even though Doug's Dad pretty much shunned him for the last 3 years, he never withdrew his support totally. And they did get an opportunity to "make their peace". That's more than some people get. Thank you all.
Tracy
My best to both Doug and Tracy. How you decide to observe your father's death is no one's business but your own. From what you've said about him, I think he would understand.
With love,
Wasa
(((((Doug & Family)))))
Sir,
Cyber hugs going your way...
I can certainly understand your not wanting to attend a Jw funeral; not even of a parent. Damn! those people certainly know how to destroy families, and I detest them for that.
I'm glad you spoke up to those witness women...silence is not always the best response, or so is my opinion anyhow.
My father had made me executor of his estate which of course made it necessary for my JW family to have contact with me. I just love the way those people tell folks like me how much they love us, BUT...always the "but" there. Anyhow, when we were all called to his death bed by the doctors and not having had any real association with my silbings for years, I dreaded the moment of running into them at the hospital.
By this time though I was ok with myself. I knew how to hold my head up high and not play into their shame game. Oh, it's so comical how they can put on that sibling love when they think it's ok, but we all know how they wear two-faces.
Guess everyone was to meet up at my one sister's house after the hospital visit, but somehow our wires got crossed and I never saw them again to even find out where she lived. I wondered around the hallways for sometime looking for a family member and it seemed as though they all just vanished. I knew then that it was for my protection...hey, maybe even their's because I cannot tolerate hypocrites and would not have kept my mouth shut. So all's well that end's well...
You see, my father had been a violent alcoholic that was unable for whatever reason to maintain any length of soberity. It was probably only due to how my own previous lifestyle (drunkard) allowed me to find forgiveness towards my dad; something my JW family seems incapable of. So in the long run, it was a blessing in disguise when I was unable to "visit" them afterwards.
I remember standing on the elevator and crying. My first thought was that of gratitude, and wanted to find an A.A. meeting in the hospital and offer my testimony to those still struggling. That death awaits us all, but we do have choices. My father lived a tragic life, but unlike the JW's of my family, he found the courage to apologise for his actions over the years.
My Jw mom at age 76 has never, ever, seen anything wrong (of course not) with her decision to raise her children in such sickness. Would I attend her funeral? NO! She chose her lifestyle and "friends." Like you wrote so wonderfully, I'm not going to play "disfellowshipped" for the likes of them.
And of course once the estate issue was settled you know darn good and well they simply forgot all about me...hahaha....and I was glad. Once we are freed from that mindset there just isn't any going back and playing by their sick rules and regulations...not for anyone, not for anything.
As with my mom, I always say "let the dead bury their dead." Because Jw's (the vast majority) are dead to compassion, love, empathy...
Take care, Doug.
granny
. It was probably only due to how my own previous lifestyle (drunkard) allowed me to find forgiveness towards my dad; something my JW family seems incapable of.
Granny,
I understand what you mean. I copied only that part of your post to ask a question. This is where I struggle with myself. My family is also unforgiving.......and everything else that goes along with dubland.......BUT I wonder if it is hypocritical of me to forgive some and not others. My family has wronged me but I still feel like I should not let their behavior bring me so down that I begin acting like them. After all, the hardest thing for a jw to accept is a 'loving' apostate. Love confounds the hell out of them. They are after all, only acting the way we once did too. They're just still stuck there. This is the mentality that has helped me cope. I hope you don't mind me sharing. It's very hard but it does make them think after a while. I will not act like them. I am in now way telling you to do what I do...no, no, no....I'm just telling you something that works for me. Love, Dj
