Is there something at most people know that I dont

by gilwarrior 22 Replies latest jw experiences

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  gilwarrior

  Everytime I get mad over something, all my feelings just come out. Today, I had a really bad day. (If you read my last post, you know what I am talking about.) Here is the thing. I have been here in the city of Las Vegas for two months, and in all that time I have not made a single friend. Recently, there was going to be an exJW meeting here in Las Vegas, but it was cancelled because not enough people signed up. Great!

  Every time I talk to people I just feel stupid. I feel that this person probably doesn't like me and that this is just a waste of time. I know that this can't always be true, but I just can't read people! I can be very paranoid over something completely insignificant and the other hand I can do or say the most offensive thing and not have any idea that I have done something wrong! That is what I am missing. I don't know how to get people to like you or where to even meet people. When you meet someone: How do you talk to them? How do you know that this person doesn't want to have anything to do with you? I see all these people walking around with their husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, friends, and I am always alone. I just think: "I wish that was me." I just don't get it! Come on everyone, what is the secret? What does everyone know that I don't!
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  mouthy

  First of all it sounds to me like you have low self esteem....I talk alot!also- But I know what it is like to wonder if people like you or not-I think the reason I talk alot is nerves---do you have bad nerves?So what I do- !!!! Is smile at some one -in a store- bus- parking lot-

  where ever! & say something to them>>like- Boy its cold eh? or its a nice day?Or gee thats a nice car etc: Usually folks respond-

  Now I admit it may be because I'm old- they feel sorry for me! but there are alot of lonely people out there( I am NOT one of them) I make friends very easily- but instead of thinking of yourself- wonder if that person your going to talk to is loaded down with problems- & your smile & hello may make their day...Give it a try,,,,But remember no foul language--lots of folks turn a deaf ear when that comes out.....Good Luck my friend. Wish you live in Canada you could join my group -they are a great group all kinds........shy,mouthy, funny, serious.... God made us that way- He made you also.....(((((HUGS)))
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  cruzanheart

  Poor Gil, I read your last post and I'm sorry you're having such a bad week. I've been to Las Vegas once and thought it was the oddest place I'd ever been to. It seems like a lonely city too because of the transience of a lot of its population, so therefore it wouldn't be the easiest place in the world to make friends.

  You sound as though you have a lot of very big feelings right now and, from my experience, I think a therapist would be a great place for you to start. The therapist will listen to you and quite possibly hook you up with a group of people who feel exactly the way you do and are trying to cope, just as we all are. Give it a chance and see what happens.

  Don't give up on the taxicab test, either -- YOU WILL PASS!!! You know you're smart enough and I'll bet you were just nervous because tests are absolutely no fun at all. Next time you'll know a little better what to expect and will probably ace it.

  Take care and let us all know how you do!

  Nina
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  MegaDude

  Gil,

  you might try a therapist or a support group that deals with your particular problem.

  You might also read the bestselling book "How to Wins Friends and Influence People."
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  A Paduan

  Just be yourself - and if you don't know who you are then it's your good fortune that you're alone for a while - but avoid the 'pick up' lines - you're not a jw anymore, so don't be one. Do you work etc.? Why Las Vegas? I can't even imagine being in a place like that, so many people, and yet so alone - I doubt that it's just you - I should think it's endemic of big cities.
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  acsot

  Hi Gil, I have also felt that way at times, surprisingly or not mostly at the Kingdom Hall and with JWs. At work I don't have much of a problem and when I take college classes at night I usually find it's no problem either (as long as I forget the JW mind-set and try not to judge people). A couple of books I found very helpful were by Dr. David Burns, "Feeling Good" and "Intimate Connections". The latter not only deals with romantic relationships but friendships in general. He gives very practical, workable advice, some of it is almost step-by-step, for some it may seem obvious and superficial but for those of us brought up in a dysfunctional family we at times have no idea what "normal" interaction consists of. Also, keep on posting here, I've found it to be a welcoming, lively place.
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  jst_me

  I have never been afraid to talk to people, and sometimes I wish I could be more quiet, and not so easy to read.

  My daughter is alot like you, you have to make yourself talk she has such a hard time.

  Maybe you are expecting too much of yourself? Two months is really not alot of time if you are brand new to an area.

  Try this, instead of focusing on all the things that you think you are doing wrong everyday, force yourself to think of what you have done right. If any of us thought only about the ways we screwed up everyday, no one would leave the house. Even very small things, think of them and be happy you did them well. Set a goal to speak to the cashier, theMcDonalds lady, etc. and be happy when you are able to do that. And dont let yourself beat yourself up!!

  You could also try volunteering until you get that job....it seems to help me (been laid off since April..it sucks the big one.....)

  Hang in there and be nicer to yourself.
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  shera

  I used to be an extremely shy person,sometimes to the point of it being painful.

  Of course I cannot remember the name of it,but it sounds like you have a social phobia...I don't mean to say that in a harsh way.

  Here are some web sites to read,you never know

  http://www.socialphobia.org/ or just look here

  http://search.msn.com/results.asp?RS=CHECKED&FORM=MSNH&v=1&q=social+phobia
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  refiners fire

  Hey Gil, as a 45 year old guy who has been where you are, I can tell you for a fact that such explicit honesty as is in your first post will get you Nowhere in terms of the chicky babes. You will never score with women by being that open and showing doubt and low esteem like that. Its just a fact buddy. Women want someone to take charge in the bed department, so the only things youll score with that kind of honesty and openness are chicks in a lower esteem state than you are, they will all feel sympathy for you of course, and think you are "sweet" and they will want to be your "friend" but jig a jig?? Forget it. Toughen up if you want to get the women. Get up every morning, look in the mirror for 10 minutes and tell yourself how clever, and how good looking and confident you are. It works.

  Hey Gil, Im talking about drawing people to you, a lot of people feel like shit. They are looking for someone in a better state than themselves. So try the mirror thing. After a while you will start to believe it. Then other will too. Then they will be drawn to you.

  Edited by - refiners fire on 30 October 2002 16:13:54
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  Sentinel

  Well, I know this is bothering you, and I know you've had a bad week. But, honestly, being alone can be very good for you, if you look at it as an opportunity to get to know yourself better. Keep a personal journal. It can be excellent to track your "feelings". Meditate. Take a walk. Read a book. Go to a movie by yourself.

  It sounds to me like you are suffering a bit from some low self-esteem. Being in a strange place, and not having any close friend to support you is difficult. But, hey, you have us. And, if your depression lasts more than two weeks, and you've been eating right, and at least getting minimal exercise, then go see someone who has knowledge about such things. Sometimes we just need to talk to someone separate and apart from our situation, so that we can see the true picture.

  I certainly don't have any special receipe for "feeling good", except that sometimes when we try to keep busy so we don't have to look inside ourselves and face our issues, we can hurt, physically and mentally. The opposite of that is "good vibrations".

  Sometimes, when we don't feel good about ourselves, it kind of radiates, and we might have this sad look or unapproachable personality. Folks tend to shy away from that. So, be friendly, be positive, and keep telling yourself that you are loved, and that you are a worthwhile person, who deserves all the good things that life has to offer.

  Then, do something positive every day. Do a good deed, even if no one else "sees" it, you will know it. Smile a lot. Be kind. Extend yourself to others. I think you will begin to see an improvement in your life.