Why the Ambivalence?

by Robdar 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  Robdar

  For the past day or two, I have been having conflicting feelings of hatred and then nostalgia for the org. After reading bay64me's thread entitled "Crisis of Wardrobe!", I fondly recalled shopping for those dowdy dresses, trying to find the perfect match between what I liked and what the society dictated for me to wear. I remember hoping that the single brothers would notice and like them...I found myself smiling at the memory....

  I despise the org, resent the lies they sold me when I was a JW and yet I look back and sometimes have this warm affection in my heart when I think about the old gang.....

  How is this possible? Why is it that I want to puke and laugh all at the same time when I think of the org? Does anybody else share these ambivalent feelings that I have? Is there some way to recover?

  Your input is welcome.

  Robyn

  Edited by - robdar on 15 November 2002 18:45:13
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  pettygrudger

  Perhaps its because to deny any good is being just as untrue to yourself as saying that it was the right religion when it wasn't. There's good & bad in everything. So, you have to retain the happy memories - that tells ya that your not off your rocker for believing the bad stuff.
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  jgnat

  Well, I have never been a JW, but I was abused. I have felt similarly about my ex, though he did unspeakable, humiliating things to me. The best thing I ever did was walk away from him, and though it has been over 20 years, I refuse even to be in the same room with him. I think those occassional warm feelings are natural. It is easier for us to deal with life if we can slot everyone in as either good or evil. I call it the fairy tale syndrome. Do you want to consider yourself Rapunzel in need of rescuing, or the evil witch? Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Every time. But, truth, we all have our witchy days. Similarly, even evil people (and organizations) have their good side. My ex has that crooked smile that always melted me in to a puddle, and that funny way he stroked his beard. It is weird to have warm fuzzy thoughts right next door to the memories of the horrible things he did.

  Chalk it up to nostalgia, and a more natural way of viewing your past. Accepting the good side of the org, however, does not compel you to rejoin.
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  pettygrudger

  P.S. my christian sister - when we gonna have that bible study?!
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  ThiChi

  You are having clinical "JW Withdrawals."

  The best remedy is to promptly go to your nearest Kingdom Hall and attend a Watchtower Study. By Paragraph 12, you will remember why you left. You will then be clean for at least another two years. Then repeat the above.

  Edited by - thichi on 15 November 2002 18:55:36
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  jack2

  Hi Robyn ,

  I'm still "in" of course, but much less active, and I often have conflicting feelings too.

  Though my situation does not quite parallel yours, I think that many of us have some fond memories of life as a jw. There were fun times to be had with some car groups in service for example. Also, fellowship before and after the meetings may have been pleasant for us. There may have been other features of that life that were quite enjoyable.

  I think it's natural to feel as you do. Not all aspects of being a jw are negative for most people. There were some good times to be had, and remembering them fondly is certainly understandable.
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  Reborn2002

  By Paragraph 12, you will remember why you left.

  That depends on her own personal level of tolerance and what time she arrives at the meeting.

  If she is attending a congregation where she is unknown and viewed as a prospective recruit.. she may remember why she left and get nauseated at the inevitable "love-bombing" which will take place.

  If she goes back to a congregation where she previously attended and the individuals there know who she is and that she left the Jehovah's Witnesses.. again the way she is treated as though she is already dead and subhuman because she left the religion would again be reason enough to leave... before the meeting even starts.

  Just my 2c.
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  dsgal

  I wouldn't understand because I was never part of a gang.I was just a reject who never got invited to anything.But I guess it must be nostalgic for those who actually had friends there.
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  Matty

  I agree, I can't pretend I've spent the last *mumbles* years of my life having a bloody awful time of it. There were lots of good times as well as bad times.

  The Watchtower society is like a parent that takes you to Disneyland and beats the crap out of you too.
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  bay64me

  Ha ha thi chi.

  You've got it worked out!