Thinking about Bill Bowen...

by Pathofthorns 112 Replies latest jw friends

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  Pathofthorns

  I was looking over the thread... "Should I support Bill Bowen?"

  I realize I am one of the few people that gave Bill somewhat of a difficult time pretty much from the beginning when it was not "fashionable" to do so. It was never my hope to see the man reduced to what he has, but rather to gain a better understanding of the issues involved, the intents and goals of Silentlambs and to see reasonableness govern everyone's actions in the whole affair.

  IMO, I don't think there is any other single person in the last while that has done so much to help address the issue of child abuse among JW's while at the same time exposing them for what they really are. I think this man has shown an extraordinary amount of courage and kindness.

  A handful of people here were "present" when an individual posted the email message that "Silentlambs had died" earlier that morning, and while it appeared to be a hoax, we were on edge for about 40 minutes until it was in fact confirmed that Bill had not died. But my heart sank at the possibility in the meantime and I thought that maybe some of us had pushed him over the edge and maybe we had gone too far.

  I can't possibly imagine what it must be for him to have been consumed with the whole abuse issue while at the same time exiting the WT. To have an abuse hotline running into your bedroom and to deal with the media as well as WT idiots and their committees.

  Dealing with abuse victims is no picnic sometimes and I wonder how he has any sanity left. I am relatively detatched from the issue myself and yet in the past year as we all agonized over it trying to grasp the subject I felt it even took a toll on me. And here is Bill completely surrounded almost 24/7 by a subject that centers on the worst crimes people can do to another person.

  While I have criticised him harshly, I have at the same time admired the man and have worried for him. It simply was not humanly possible to sustain this kind of involvement without burning out or melting down at some point.

  But still, I cannot excuse him for his serious indiscretions in recent weeks for 2 reasons. 1) He has failed to cease making the offensive remarks and 2) he fails to express and demonstrate any regret for making these remarks.

  We all are held accoutable for our serious mistakes, but there is great leniency and forgiveness for those that handle them in the appropriate ways. People that have done great things and who have shown great courage are also shown extraordinary leniency and forgiveness.

  But most feel the essential steps have not been taken, and due to this many of us remain confused and do not know where we stand on the subject of Bill Bowen or Silentlambs. There has been a great silence from those closest to the movement on what exactly its status is now or where it is headed.

  I can't imagine the stress this all has created for Bill and his family and his associates and friends. In talking with some of these people, I sense Bill is a person that truly cares for people and I don't think he will ever stop helping people. I realize many of us have not "stepped up to the plate" for various reasons to help to the extent that might have been needed and too much fell on the shoulders of one man.

  I don't think it is wrong to step back a bit for the sake of our personal lives and i don't think this crowd constantly expects sensational things from Bill Bowen. I also don't think it is a humiliating thing to admit a mistake unconditionally because we have all been there when we just lose our minds. I am hopeful Bill will someday find the courage to do what he has to do.

  I just wanted to say that I was perhaps too hard on the man and that I do admire his work in helping people. We have to work at being better friends in this crowd. It is probably the best thing we can do in giving exiting JW's a nice place to visit as they make their way out of the organization on the road to freedom.

  Path
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  nancee park

  His goodness is as great as ever, being a defending of children against the pro-pedophilia policies of Watchtower fruitcakes. You are rude. He has made no wrong remarks. It's Pat Garza who says publicly that Ted Jarasz of the Gov Body molested her when a District Overseer in Los Angeles, and Jarasz does not deny what she has said.
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  Brummie

  Great post Path.

  I understood Bill a little better last night during a college excersise on Person centred counselling. We were discussing confidentiality and we were asked if we would break confidentiality if the person we were counselling confessed that he/she was abusing their kids....Without hesitation I remarked that we should break that confidentiality and take the necessary actions to make sure the client didnt go home to commit the same crime. I sat aghast at the critisism I recieved from a few of the collegues who thought I was wrong to go beyond what was written in the paper work, this abusive person had a right to confidentiality...! (the paperwork even states that confidentiality has limits in a counselling session) WHo was I to decide what was morally right or wrong of a person? It all became politics rather than the suffering of a child. I felt provoked by the inability of people to see the need to speak up on behalf of an abused, and in that situation I could see why BB could become outraged, I did become outraged on a mere discussion yet he is faced with the bare reality everyday. I am hardly ever provoked to anger but that did it for me.

  I think we havent tasted the bitter pill that Bowen has had to swollow and therefore are not in a position to empathise with him, we can critisise all we like but let anyone of us taste that same pill and I am sure we would be reacting in the same way.

  Brummie

  Edited by - Brummie on 20 November 2002 21:1:35
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  IslandWoman

  Brummie,

  I think we havent tasted the bitter pill that Bowen has had to swollow and therefore are not in a position to empathise with him, we can critisise all we like but let anyone of us taste that same pill and I am sure we would be reacting in the same way.

  "Bitter pills" come in different sizes and shapes. Many here have had to swallow the bitter pill of not only knowing about the suffering of others but also experiencing that suffering directly.

  This though does not excuse the lobbing of slander upon a fellow sufferer.

  IW
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  fjtoth

  Path,

  Thanks for the insights on how you feel. I think you speak for many of us. I was flabbergasted by some of the remarks Bill has made, statements that I happen to know are totally untrue as well as unkind. But I'm willing to overlook them on one condition. What I'm hoping for is a sign from Bill of some humility and a positive effort on his part to undo some of the damage that he's done. Of course, it's what God thinks that really counts, and I wonder how any of us can think we can truly have his blessing if we care little about righting any wrongs we've done.

  Many of us, if only we were in the right circumstances, would ourselves be performing a ministry in behalf of abused children and others. Unhappily, we're restricted in one way or another, and we just don't have that opportunity. Persons like Ray and Bill who are serving God and neighbour the best they know how, deserve admiration and commendation. Regardless of the value or type of his ministry, anyone among such persons who shows disrespect for one or more of the others and who even dares to rudely make false accusations is bound to soon lose our respect and support.

  _________________________________________________________

  IslandWoman,

  You are so right. There is no excuse for such unchristian conduct, even when the the accuser is under great pressure. In his lifetime, Ray has had to contend with severe pressures, quite frequently and for long periods of time. As I see it, his record of love and respect for others even while in such awful circumstances tends to put Bill's short record to shame.

  fjtoth
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  JT

  Path

  enjoyed your post, i was talking to a few friends the other night about this issue and we too agreed that bill and family must be under a ton of pressure from media, travel , $$$ isues, meeting with victims, call folks, folks calling him and the list goes on and on,

  that being the case- is there really any wisdom or benifit for victims in continuing to have any comments about Ray-

  i fully understand ones desire to have a major player like ray on your bandwagon ( I know i would), but if someone tells you they don't know what YOU THINK OR FEEL THEY SHOULD know about an issue or they will not be hooking up with you,

  then it reaches a point where you have to say to yourself:

  "Man i wish that ray would have taken a more active role, but he didn't so what should i do now"

  and that is the question, does he decide to part ways and go on or will he continue to keep bringing up ray-

  with BB being under what has got to be a hell of a load to carry -

  one would hope that someone close to him --a friend, fellow consultant, or someone would say to him let's move on we have much bigger fish to fry than Ray--

  while i have no idea if anyone who has personally spoken with him to offered such advice i certainly hope so for the sake of all the victims-

  Since his time and energy is limited

  i only wonder what is the value of his directing so much toward someone who gets dogged by the boys in service and writing the same as he does-

  in the eyes of wt they both are wicked-
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  Brummie

  This though does not excuse the lobbing of slander upon a fellow suffere

  IW, I agree with you.

  While not excusing it I sometimes wonder if it gives a weak reason for it, whether called for or not it is a bitter pill to see people looking at the politics rather than the reality of a situation. If you stand against something so strong as abuse its painful that some would rather argue personalities or politics over the issue. Thats just an observation.

  I can empathise with both guys, some can't and thats fine by me.

  BTW I now defend neither of the guys, but would work along with them for a just cause.

  Brummie
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  fjtoth

  Edited by - fjtoth on 21 November 2002 18:17:54
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  Brummie

  Fjtoth your not my enemy, I know it. Vice versa. I dont view someone who differs with me as an enemy, but rather, in most cases, as someone who is admirable in being able to make their own stand.

  The expression that the accused would hear from so many was "Just wait on Jehovah."

  This has not been the case on this topic, the debate has gone over and over and over. The topic has been thought through again and again and both sides have given a reply and all have spoken on this issue as and when they have wantedtherefore Its simply nothing like in JWs and waiting on Jah.

  It doesn't matter that Bill took the initiative and went public with unprovable and false accusations. He's the one who gets sympathy instead of the innocent victim of his smear tactics.

  It does matter, and I reckon the majority of this board sympathised with Ray and not BB. And thats perfectly acceptable. Whether BBs accusations are false or un-provable is another matter and another endless thread.

  Because he's overworked, tired, frustrated, worn to a frazzle, yada yada yada.

  Like I said, I can empathise with both, some cant and thats fine by me.

  I now defend neither of the guyswhats the point? They can defend themselves and have done so. It gets to the stage of going round in circles. Theres a right time to step of the merry go round isnt there? I am off it.

  Personally on this issue I am disappointed in the responses of BB, RF, in particular COJ, and JPbut they are only men and perhaps we all had unrealistic expectations of each of them.

  I only responded to this thread because it was started in the best taste, otherwise I wouldnt have got in on the discussion, its all been the same old outworn statements, this thread appeared different.

  Brummie
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  fjtoth

  Edited by - fjtoth on 21 November 2002 18:18:57