Pregnant by JW

xhillconnection

HELP--my daughter is pregnant by a disfellowshipped JW. He has recently been re-attending meetings and has decided to get reinstated. He told my daughter that the relationship is off because it would be too difficult to have a relationship between a JW and her(holidays, family etc.)He did say that he would stand by her(not sure what his definition is of that). I don't know what to do to help both of them. He did say that his intentions were to get engaged to her at Christmas if he didn't return to the Kingdom Hall-but he has decided otherwise.

Pubsinger

Sounds like a REALLY Christian way to act.

Get someone pregnant and then run off to sort out your relationship with God.

Remind him of his "Family Responsibilities"

Which country are you in?

blondie

I would suggest establishing his paternity as the father legally right away regardless of any assurances to "stand by her." That way he will be obligated to help support the child. Many states have programs in place that can put a lien on his property and take money out of any earnings he has. Don't concentrate on getting him to marry your daughter. And make sure his family is away of his legal obligations.

Blondie

Good point, Pubsinger. My comments apply only in the US.

Edited by - Blondie on 21 November 2002 4:32:12

xhillconnection

Me again-We are in Ontario, Canada

xhillconnection

I was just reading somewhere on the net that if somebody sleeps with someone that they are "married" in the eyes of Jehovah. Anyone familiar with this one. And, thanks for all the prompt replies. I wonder if I should be sending a "sharing of information" letter to his Kingdom Hall.

blondie

xhillconnection, I am not familiar with Canadian law, but I would imagine that there is a way legally to have him proven the father and made financially responsible. Of course, the problem with that is that he may have a legal right to make medical decisions for the child which your daughter may not want him to have in light of the JW position on blood transfusions. It is never a simple world, is it?

Maybe some informal arrangement can be set up then. It doesn't sound like he is good husband or father material.

Blondie

PS I would certainly clue his JW family in. There is no scriptural requirement (according to JWs) to marry after having sex with a person, not even if a pregnancy results. Since your daughter is not one of Jehovah's Witnesses, it is highly unlikely his family will apply this pressure. If both people are Witnesses, then pressure might be applied. But there is a scriptural obligation to take care of the child financially. Whether he'll do that without being forced to legally, is hard to say.

Edited by - Blondie on 21 November 2002 5:10:14

Gopher

If somebody sleeps with someone, are they married in Jehovah's eyes? The JW's would not say so. Now if they were already married, and infidelity occurred, then "sleeping together" (having sex) again would mean that the innocent mate had extended forgiveness to the guilty one, and therefore they would have to STAY married. (That's the only instance I could think of that was close to what you mentioned...)

As far as telling the elders in this boy's congregation, I would say they would be VERRRY interested if you "shared information". I say do it and let the chips fall where they may!!

Just my $.02 (hope it's spendable in the great white north!!). Best wishes to your daughter and to her child.

Been there

xhill,

What age are we talking about? Teens? 20s?

Sounds like he is feeling guilt about the relationship and possibly even pressure from family to return.

I say gather info (the truth about the "Truth") on this site and others to show him and make him think about weather or not he wants to return. This is a good time since his faith is shaky. Be sure they come to an agreement (in writting) before the baby comes if your daughter does not believe in the blood issue. He will not allow it if needed, so your grandbaby's life could be at stake sometime.

PurpleV

It's a blessing in disguise that he doesn't want to marry her. If he goes back to being a JW and she was his wife her life would be a misery. He would not participate in any birthday or holiday celebration; he would be attending 5 hours a week attending indoctrination meetings plus he'd be putting in hours going door-to-door. He would deny the baby a blood transfusion if it was in his custody when it needed one. He would be non-stop trying to get her to become a JW.

JW males have an "obligation" to keep their families "in line" if they want to survive in the religion. They believe they are the head of the family and the woman is to be in subjection. He would be looked down on if he couldn't force your daughter to convert.

Have her go to court and get full custody, and child support. And she should NOT let him take the child to the JW meetings either.

Whew! I'm sorry for the predicament. Best of luck and keep us posted!

ugg

her life will be miserable with him....he is an ass hole...big time....get rid of him....support your daughter with as much love and understanding as you can give...keep him away from her...

i feel deeply for you...and oh how your poor daughter must be feeling....hugs and love being sent your way....

i am glad you are here....welcome,,,and talk anytime...

Pregnant by JW

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