Pregnant by JW

by xhillconnection 20 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Eric

  xhill,

  Here is a page of some relevant links regarding child support responsibility in Canada and Ontario.

  If the key government form "The Paternity Agreement" can be easily obtained with a co-operative father who does indeed intend to "stand by her", then the biggest, stickiest hurdle to obtaining child support has been cleared. In obtaining his agreement to sign this form without involving the courts, then some pressure put on him to be a good christian and shouldering his responsibility in subjection to secular authority in order to show repentance may be a useful lever.

  The Ontario Family Responsibility Office (one of the links) gets involved after the forms have been filled out, but I have been told they are very helpful in directing women to the resources they may need. The FRO website has the actual forms there in pdf format.

  http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/html/SERV/serfjm.htm

  Eric
• 

  LB

  Sounds like it may be a good thing that he is running away. Your daughter doesn't need a relationship with such a guy. I wouldn't count on him getting reinstated anyway. That may just be something the little dirtbag said to brush off your daughter.

  Get money from him. Use your legal system. Do it as soon as you are able. Oh and yes, I honestly would let the elders in his hall (if he is really attending) know about your daughter's pregnency.
• 

  concerned mama

  Hi xhill,

  I am non-JW as well, and my teenage daughter had a long term relationship (although a more innocent one) with a Jehovah's Witness. I truly believe your daughter should make sure he fulfils his financial obligations, but tries to keep as much legal control over the child as possible. I believe your daughter is both safer and will be happier in the long term without him as a husband.

  There is no easy solution to your problem. He has been indoctrinated his whole life to put the Watchtower society first, and he has just done so again. Unless he researched his religion and saw it for what it was, he would always be at risk for returning to the JWs even after marrying your daughter. We, worldly people, find it hard to grasp what a totally different culture a Jehovah's Witness lives in...just as if he was a devout moslem. Love is not enough.

  Protect your daughter legally, but don't encourage a marriage. It would give him too much power over her.

  Edited by - concerned mama on 21 November 2002 13:32:11
• 

  breeze

  xhill.....

  In the US receiving the financial aid does give the Father rights to see and make decisions about the child. Sp taking the money is a two edged sword.

  Over the past several years I have been in court with my kids and the courts are not what you consider fair when it comes to kids and custody.

  The courts are run by lawyers and the judges are just lawyers that got lucky and have been appointed to be godlike over you. Many times a good desion comes of the system but once it takes over your life, look out you are in for some grief?

  I am not saying that the system is completely corrupt but it can be brutal!!!
• 

  Scully

  xhillconnection:

  I'm a registered nurse working in Ottawa; my specialty is maternal-newborn care. I would strongly encourage her to talk to a social worker ASAP. They will be able to direct her to all the resources available to her in securing financial support for her baby from its father.

  I would also do whatever I can to discourage a marriage between your daughter and the young man. He's probably thinking that by going back to meetings, all his problems are going to "disappear". JWs believe that unplanned pregnancies and other "misfortunes" will befall them when they turn their backs on the religion. Unfortunately in this young man's case their prediction came true, and now he's run back to "Mother" (the organization/JWs) to appease Her.

  If you'd like to talk privately, my e-mail address is open.

  Love, Scully
• 

  bluesapphire

  I disagree with Blondie. If this were not a JW, I would go for paternity and child support. But since it is, I would get away as fast as I could. If he is established as the father, he will use that in the future to take the kid to meetings, service, etc.

  I think this is a no win situation but I would rather have my grandchild free from JW indoctrination any day than get child support.
• 

  blondie

  I don't think I can take sole credit for suggesting that paternity or child support be explored, Blue Sapphire. I think several others here said it should be considered. I understand the problem with the medical issues. It is may be possible to set up an agreement where the father would pay some support but agree to let the mother make those medical decisions. There are many reasons to pursue this too. Perhaps the child might need medical treatment such as a transplant and the father or relatives are possible resources. Or the child might develop an illness that is hereditary and it would be good to have some access to the father's medical background. But I think his family and the congregation should be aware of his doings away from from the KH.

  I think Scully said to get in touch with a social worker who understands the procedures in these situations and what resources are available in xhillconnection's area. That sounds like a good place to start, neutral but knowledgeable.

  Blondie
• 

  butalbee

  You're poor daughter, gosh, my heart goes out to her, she's in quite a bad situation. And those god damn dubs, getting involved with us worldly girls, that they know they can't screw around with. God, love sucks, esp with the jw interlace.
• 

  2cute2btrue

  no that isnt so but a father does have an obligation to support any children esp materially and spiritually
• 

  xhillconnection

  Well, here I am again-thanks for all the posts. I talked to the "father" today and asked him why would he be involved in a religion that hurts people. He said he couldn't bear losing his family-he said they would treat him as dead. I did read there is no Bible base for the shunning. He really doesn't understand. I can't imagine someone would trade their own creation of life for their family that use spiritual and psychological abuse to keep them. I just don't understand.