by DazedNConfused 21 Replies latest social relationships
I disagree with jack frost, if you still 'love' her you're a fool. She needs to learn some lessons in life, and is simply repeating her mistakes. Don't you make the same mistake. Two fools are not better than one.
Take care.
Edited by - ballistic on 29 November 2002 19:48:21
Well that sounds nice in theory, too bad we can't pick who we fall in love with!!!!
Ven
we can't pick who we fall in love with!!!!
Don't be ridiculous. Of course we can.
(((((Dude!)))))
wowa! Rough stuff! I don't know all the details, but from what you wrote, I'll give a little input.
It sounds like you're not satisfied with her behaviour. It also sounds like she's repeatedly engaged in this behaviour anyways, despite your expressing concern. What do you get out of this relationship?
Are you afraid of divine retribution for divorce? Do you enjoy being someone to her that she can't find elsewhere? I think its hard to find a person to accept that behaviour; so she'd 'value' you. Do you enjoy having a reason to feel like a saint/martyre/masochist?
All of these are ok. Its your life, your right. But it helps A LOT to analyze what you want. Why you are involved. Shoot for the stars my man.
Another couple of proverbial sayings, "you only hit what you aim at" and "shoot for the stars. If you miss, you're still in heaven." You can't get what you want if you don't know what you want. Take care. My biased thoughts. -J
P.S.- I think a lot of 'pop' advice fails to address the roots of the trouble; reasons. I mean saying "don't do this" or "don't put up with that and get the hell out of there" seems like stuff they've already heard or know. I think of an alcoholic and telling them that alcohol is bad, to get rid of it. Doesn't get to WHY they are having the problem. True, enough positive input can influence someone, but the change must occur within the individual. They have to want it.
Dazed, if this was happening to a friend of yours, what advice would you give them?
Hi, Venice. Nice to see you back here.
I did not mean to "kick" anyone while he's down. Maybe I've been listening to Dr. Laura too much.
Anyway, I come from a family of addicts and enablers. Enabling is quite different from helping.
More years ago than I would like to admit, I was complaining/whining to a friend about my then-husband. My friend looked at me and simply said, "Sometimes you just have to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps." Bless her! That was the first time anyone made me aware that I held the reins! I had always looked for someone to enable or someone to make my decisions for me. But the process of thinking about change had begun. It was not easy to look at myself and realize that I had a problem largely because I fed and nurtured it. But what I've learned and getting to where I am now was worth the pain of the journey.
Regards,
SandraC
I would have to agree with Kelpie on this. Sounds like a case of much needed tough love. Male, Female, it doesn't really matter. If a person knows they can treat someone however they want and get away with it, they will. There comes a time when you have to say 'enough is a enough. deleted off bitch'.......
Well maybe in not so many words :) but hopefully you get the point.
*muah* to you Dazed...... Go to the strip club tonight and get a lap dance for me. Then realize that for every woman out there who doesn't appreciate a great attententive guy, there are 3 more who will.
And if all else fails, give ME a ring....... j/k
Edited by - Englishman on 3 December 2002 15:21:16
Thanks to all for your words of wisdom and support here.
It's not an easy situation at all. That account, as long as it is, doesn't even begin to touch on the details of the situation. So complicated. I know that I'm being walked on, etc, that's why I mention the codependancy issues. Things are moving along, however.
To answer a few specific questions:
Kelpie: It's not my nature to be mean or worse, to not care. I'm trying though.
SPAZnik: I'm sure I'm making it easier and comfortable for her. Given what I know about her, I fear for her should she be out on her own.
Mum: I'm not sure how I'm belittling her in this situation. Maybe you could elaborate a bit more. Perhaps spell out the big words for me.
Happysunshine: I'm not afraid of divine retribution for divorce, not at all. I wouldn't say I'm enjoying being the saint/martyre/masochist...none of this is fun. But I do care what happens to her.
chevysntats: funny...those exact words went through my head last night, though I didn't verbalise them. Strip club...lap dance....things I've never experienced. I might just give you a ring though.
Now that I have my password again I can post to this. I just wanted to say, for anyone who remembers me,....this is a new Dazed...NOT ME! I am female! LOL
Sorry 'bout that, original dazed...I didn't even try to register with the "And" in the middle. I probably should've checked to see if there was similar name out there first.
