Donkey's never-ending atheism thread (page 16)

donkey

If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go to hell. -- Rev. Jimmy Swaggart

But I prefer what Frank had to say about Swaggart:

"Anybody hear the great news, today? Jimmy Swaggart under investigation! Oh Ja-ee-zus! One day every one of those cocksuckers will get caught! I understand in the case of Mr. Swaggart, that he claims that it was not multiple encounters with many prostitutes -- apparently, only one sweet young thing. And he did tell Cal Thomas of the Moral Majority that the sex act itself was not fully consumated. However he did admit to doing something por-no-graphic with the girl. Let's use our imaginations, ladies and gentlemen!"
-- Frank Zappa

donkey

Received via email:

The Christian Woman's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's "willy" is thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash he won't be annoyed.
One who pulls out my chair, opens my door,
massages my back, begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love
to my mind,
Knows just what to say when I ask,
"Do I have too big a behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, the shower, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to screw my best friend.
I pray for all this as I kneel by my bed,
and look at the Shit Head you sent me instead!!!

Amen

donkey

Green Eggs and the Son of Man

"I will not buy the Son of Man,
"I will not buy it, Sam I Am!"

"You will not buy it on the Cross?
"You will not buy His Tragic Loss?"

"I will not buy it on the Cross,
"I will not buy it worth a toss!
"I will not buy the Son of Man,
"I will not buy it, Sam I Am."

"You will not buy the Empty Tomb?
"You will not buy the Virgin Womb?"

"I will not buy the Empty Tomb,
"I will not buy the Voice of Doom!
"I will not buy the Son of Man,
"I will not buy it, Sam I Am!"

"You will not buy the Risen Saints?
"You will not buy their fervent plaints?"

"I will not buy the Risen Saints,
"I will not buy their foul taints!
"I will not buy the Son of Man,
"I will not buy it, Sam I Am!"

"You will not buy it, for your soul?
"You will not buy his Holy Goal?"

"I will not buy it, for my soul,
"I will not buy it, silly troll!
"I will not buy it on the Cross,
"I will not buy his Tragic Loss,
"I will not buy the Empty Tomb,
"I will not buy the Virgin Womb,
"I will not buy the Risen Saints,
"I will not buy their fervent plaints,
"I will not buy the Son of Man,
"I will not buy it, Sam I Am!"

Iwasyoungonce

donkey...Truly classics.

donkey

Religion is comparable to a childhood neurosis."
- Sigmund Freud, "Future of an Illusion". 1927

donkey

Such reports persist and proliferate because they sell. And they sell, I think, because there are so many of us who want so badly to be jolted out of our humdrum lives, to rekindle that sense of wonder we remember from childhood, and also, for a few of the stories, to be able, really and truly, to believe-in Someone older, smarter, and wiser who is looking out for us. Faith is clearly not enough for many people. They crave hard evidence, scientific proof. They long for the scientific seal of approval, but are unwilling to put up with the rigorous standards of evidence that impart credibility to that seal.
- Carl Sagan

donkey

I don't see any god up here.
- Yuri Alekseyevich Gagarin (the first man in space), speaking from orbit, 1961

Donkey's never-ending atheism thread

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