Upset

Vivamus

I am like an emotional screw up. I am like a 17 year old with no ability to take harsh words in. They upset me. I dont mean just a random person calling me in insensitive bitch. But when my dad calls me that, well, I just cant stop crying.

I really dont think I deserved this either. I only recently have gotten into contact with him, and it felt good. At first it was strange, than I started to really like him. And one day, I looked at him and it just hit me, I really love that man.

Well, with a dad, comes a family, that I dont know. In all honesty I really dont care about them one way or the other. Not being cruel, they just dont mean that much to me. But my grandma [daddys mum] wants to get to know me. So, she called a few days after my other grandma had died. And I didnt want to let her down, and so I talked with her, and said we would see each other soon. Which we did.

I feel torn, because my grandma [from mums side] has just died, and I miss her so very much. I feel as if I am betraying her in a way. Which is nonsense and I know that. So I am just giving it a change, but its hard on me none the less.

Anyway, come Sunday, my grandma [from dad] is celebrating her birthday, and asked me to come in the afternoon. I agreed, its just for a few hours, and the only reason I am going is for her. I feel reluctant and not quite at ease with that entire strange family.

Anyway, I agreed, to go, but can only stay a few hours. Reason for that is. One of my friends just had a break-up and asked me if she could come late Sunday, so that she would not be alone. She is my friend, and so I agreed. So I am on a bit of tight schedule, but dont want to let anyone down.

My dad found out about this, and is angry and disappointed. I tried to explain my sense of unease with the family, and he called me selfish and insensitive. I dont know what to do, I dont want to loose him after just gotten to know him. And I honestly didnt mean to hurt anyone with all this, yet he says I am wronging my grandma. Am I?

Edited by - Vivamus on 4 December 2002 12:21:44

SixofNine

no

Pathofthorns

I didn't 100% understand what you were saying, but I do know that you cannot please everyone all the time. And walking on eggshells with some people only satisfies them temporarily. Eventually you will disappoint no matter what you do.

In my opinion, we all do the best we can to accomodate and if that is not good enough, then those who demand too much will be very lonely people.

Path

Witch Child

absolutely not! Your dad is trying to blackmail you emotionally and is being a bully and ... ooo this makes me mad! It is obvious you are trying hard to do your bast for everyone. You are a good friend, a good daughter and a good granddaughter. Don't let his comment get you down.

Love,
Witch

Xena

Hey Viv...I know I only know you thru your posts....but you seem like a very kind person. I am sure it is just a mis-understanding with your dad.....maybe he has some "issues" too since it sounds like ya'll have been out of touch for awhile (although I don't condone his language to you, that was just wrong in my opinion). Don't let it get to you though, do the best you can and what you feel comfortable with...and keep the lines of communication open...

Hoping things work out for you...

WingCommander

Do what your heart tells you is right. Screw what anyone else thinks. In the end, you'll feel better.

Wing Commander :)

ugg

no,,,,you are doing the right thing....

RubyTuesday

I tried to explain my sense of unease with the family, and he called me selfish and insensitive.

He is the one that is selfish and insensitive!!

A few hours for a birthday party is more than enough!! Especially in this situation!!

Scully

Viv,

Your dad was way out of line. The fact that you made time for your grandmother when you already had plans with your friend tells me that you are a kind soul and have a lot of love to give. You had no obligation to attend your grandmother's birthday, and you have no obligation to spend time with relatives who are practically strangers to you. You are an adult, and your father has no business pulling this "emotional blackmail" stunt on you. You have made adult choices and have adult responsibilities, and he should respect that. He may be disappointed that you won't be able to spend as much time as HE wants you to spend, but he cannot dictate that to you, just because you are his biological daughter. He needs to realize that the time for him to discipline you is long past, and he missed out on it. Sounds to me like you are a better person for it too.

Don't let him manipulate you with shame and guilt. You are a good friend, a good daughter and a good grand-daughter.

Love, Scully

Incense_and_Peppermints

he says I am wronging my grandma. Am I?

nonono! you compromised to please everyone, even when it caused you anguish about your beloved grandmother on your mother's side. your dad's the one who's wrong, and he's wronging you too by making you feel guilty and not listening to your own concerns. you have done everything right and nothing wrong. when other people misunderstand our motives it can hurt, especially when it's your parents. if your dad wants to act all disappointed, so be it. he will get over it.

pay your respects, kiss your gramma and dad, console your friend and know you did the right thing.

Upset

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