This board means more than you think.....

Tatiana

Hi everyone. I've really missed you all so much. November 26 was my birthday. I missed you guys on that day. I missed having people say Happy Birthday like they do when they know someone here is another year older.
minimus started a thread a while back, when I was here for a few days, about what this board means and if you thought the people here were your friends. I've been here a while, and have told some of my stories to you, but I haven't been totally honest. I've tried to act cheerful, and offered advice to a few. Told some jokes, posted some of my favorite songs. Mainly acted like I was ok, and most was right with the world. I've always been a cynical person, and after losing my job last year due to corporate(greed)bankruptcy, and consequently losing my car, and my apt., and feeling that the world is one big cesspoll.....I have been so down....broke....having to take care of two boys alone....having a long distance relationship that has been wracked with financial and health problems. I truly thought we'd never be together....well, it almost got me.

But, the truth is, this board has saved my life.LITERALLY. More than once. The people here are amazing. There were times when I was on the brink. Too overwhelmed to even go on another day. I actually thougth of death as a welcome thing. I spent 8 hours in the ER with a psych dr one night, because I was truly at the point of no return. Maybe you say I have no life, or that I'm really screwed up. You may be right. I feel so disconnected from the human race. I never feel like I fit in. "Here" is where I feel at home. It's so ironic and sad that the thing "they" wanted the most....for me to detach myself from the world, is actually what has happened. (Was the brainwashing that strong??? Or did I do this to myself?) Questions....questions.....

Anyway....for anyone that says that this board is just for "fun", or that it's a way to pass the time, and that the people here can't be trusted, or can't be your "real" friends....I say to you.....not true. I have come to this board, read heartwarming posts, sad posts, loving posts, even the flaming ones...and they have saved my life......YOU have saved my life.

This board is powerful......and I am truly happy I found it....or I might not be here now....

Love....
April

Simon

(((April)))

('cause I've probably been a bit lapse in sending hugs lately)

Mulan

April..........I've missed you. I'll never forget you, because of the poem you sent when Sharon died. It was nice to top off her eulogy with it!!

Remember that poem? Find it and read it, okay? And then do what it says NOW.

NewYork44M

Group Hug.

((((April))((Simon))))

JH

Hi Tatiana,

I'm only here since 1 month, and I also find it a wonderful place to talk about whatever is on our mind. It is a healing place for many. This is a place where we can say things that won't get us into trouble, like it would be in the Watchtower org. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling good thanks to the friends on this board. In a way, many of us here are victims of the watchtower policy. Thanks to the internet, we can get back up and strong, where we belong. Nice hearing from you.

Angharad

((((April)))) Welcome back

Gopher

((((April))))

That is such powerful testimony! And I agree that this board can really be a wonderful place. I am so glad to be able to bounce ideas off of people here, and to find out there's a common experience that we share. It makes me feel less "alone".

I'm so glad to hear that the connections you found out here have pulled you through difficult times!!

Now don't you dare go away!!

somebody

((((April)))

It's great to have you back! It's common for us all to keep telling ourselves we are alright when we aren't. We feel as if we are somehow weak if we show that...hey,,things are rough right now and I'm NOT ok!". Whether it was ingrained in our brains that as JWs we were dictated that we "are the happiest poeple on earth" and if we weren't happy then we weren't loving God enough has anything to do with our embarassment and feeling like we are failures when we hit hard times, I don't know. But I'm so glad that you're ok and that you spent time talking and getting help from your doctor. They say that when it rains, it pours. Sounds like that is what happened to you!

You are by far not alone in the emotions that you felt when you were going through those extemely hard times. If you should ever feel like you can't go on any longer and the feelings of death are welcome, PLEASE try your hardest to speak up. There is so much real help not only out in the world, but here on Simon's board too. If there is one big lesson I've learned since leaving JWism, it's that people out here in the world who TRULY care and love others. It's not because they are instructed to show conditional love by a printing corporation's publication. It's because they feel a REAL love and have natural affection and empathy for one another.

I hope you've seen and learned that yourself...and I hope you and your boys are ok now.

peace to you,

gwen

waiting

Howdy April,

Talked with your neice on the phone recently - she seems to be doing ok - busy young woman. She thinks quite highly of you - and I suspect there are others who think that too.

Life can be so hard sometimes. Then a little breeze enters, washes over us, and it's not so hard for a while. Then the waves come back...yada, yada, yada.

I find the Internet - and friends here & on other boards, a real source of encouragement, rant relief, hug givers, and bitchfest friends. Sometimes, it serves just as a place to quietly read. I think you're absolutely right - this forum serves a true need.

I'm glad you're back here....and hope you have a person/people in Real Time you can visit with too.

Take care.

waiting

Edited by - waiting on 4 December 2002 16:39:50

WildHorses

(((((((((((((((((((((((((April)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Tell your son that he needs to let you keep the computer at your house. He can always come and use it when he needs it. We miss you! I miss you! And this way, we will always be here for you when you need a freind.

This board means more than you think.....

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