Suicidal fear of rejection. (page 3)

shera

Hugs to you Dave,I have to say I admire you for expressing your self like you have here.

I was glad to read you think of your children,when you feel there is nothing to go on for.All of our lives are worth living and you would be missed.

Well,its good to hear you are doing better and keep venting here when you need it.You have many people here,who want to help you along.

This may sound silly to you,but look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are wonderful and are worth loving.(Even with those grey hairs of yours,I bet you are still very handsome too )

Take care,hugs again...

Edited by - shera on 4 December 2002 20:47:12

safe4kids

Dave,

Tracy has such a healthy self esteem because she has always had me to compare herself to. That'd pretty much give anyone a boost, doncha think?

Dude, I always enjoy reading what you write, usually for the entertainment value. Tonight, that changed. You got to me, and not on the humor level. Lately, I've had so many walls up that my walls have sprouted walls and I haven't really allowed anything to pierce them...but you did. If you ever do it again, I swear I will hunt you down like the rabid dog you are. (BTW, who you callin' EVIL???) I pretty much feel like I flipped the emotion switch to "off", I've danced the dance of pointing the finger at others and analyzing what they do in a desperate attempt to hide from myself what I'm doing/thinking/feeling. I do not appreciate these flashes of insight.

Fear of rejection? Did you really have to explain it all so concisely, so clearly? Is there no cure? Coz I think that we may very well be in the same boat, or at least in the same pond. I hope the best for you Dave, all kidding aside. I think, from what little I know of you, that you are a sensitive and empathetic person. I KNOW that you are talented and creative, and I believe very much that you have a lot to offer. I know what it's like to lose your best friend; I know what it's like to realize that you are your own worst enemy; and I know what it's like to slam head first into the brick wall of knowing that you keep making the same mistakes over and over. But, and this is a big but, one I need to hang onto, thank you very much so please don't say anything to prove me wrong, I also believe (hope?) that we are capable of overcoming ANY adversity, any problem, any dysfunction once we are aware of it and motivated to change it. I hear some motivation in your post, Dave. I agree with the others...a good friend and a deep love is worth almost any effort to save. Just do it.

Love,

Dana

Edited to add: Put the gun down. Step away from the gun. For what it's worth, I don't think that you will hurt yourself, at least not physically. Love for our children is enormously powerful, no?

Edited by - safe4kids on 4 December 2002 20:53:21

moman

You off yourself & we lose a brilliant mind & the Borg wins, please stick around!

riz

i love ya, dave. i may have to hand-deliver some squirrel nut stuffing this x-mas. some of my fondest, most hilarious moments i've experienced here have been with you and dear sweet jonjon.

please write me if you feel like it. ((((((dave))))))

MrMoe

Looking forward to it more than u realize.

Love and Hugs,

Amanda

Alligator Wisdom

Dave,

It does take courage to step up and express yourself the way you did.

Believe me, I know what you are feeling and going thru! Seriously!

I myself have encounted just about everything you said. It was like reading my own history. What you went thru while growing up as a JW, relationships with others, even owning the same type of gun as you and almost pulling the trigger. (Contemplated suicide several times and held the gun to my head twice).

I have a question. Do you love yourself? It may sound stupid or elementary, but seriously, do you? That in itself is a major factor. You are right! Throw away excuses and blame toward anyone or any issues you may have regarding the WT Society. The first step is recognizing who you are and "IF" you are worth it. Other than that, life is in vain. I myself am trying to break free from a life of "rejecting" and "being rejected". It's hard!

Two days ago I talked with my friend (who is still a Witness back in my hometown in the USA. FYI - I moved to Japan earlier this year). Since I'm doing the submarine witness thing and "submerging", I wanted to let him know about be feelings toward the WT Society along with my history (very similar to yours). Do you know what he told me? [1] "We don't have an identity". [2] "We don't deserve nothing. Only death".

Those are the reasons why I'm leaving the Watchtower and its teachings. It hasn't contributed anything positive in that regard toward my outlook in life. What my friend told me is exactly what I felt during my tenure as an active JW. It is time for me to get back to the basics. My opinion only, but I feel that is what you should do also. Find out what they are and make that your quest in life! And again, my suggestion only, "get rid of the gun". At least for now. You won't need to use it anytime soon!

Remember, we are all teachers. We teach each other. However, it is the responsiblity of each of us to "sift" out what is healthy and what is not.

As always, eagerly waiting to hear from you and your posts! POWER TO YOU!

Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother "NOT Exerting Vigorously")

SPAZnik

Try not to reject these excellent life lessons. Embrace them.

Get rid of the gun. Or, at least, don't buy the bullets.

Keep using us for therapy.

SPAZ

ps - I understand.

Farkel

Dave,

We're friends. The whole board knows this. Or at least I consider YOU to be my friend.

: When it gets to this point the thoughts of blowing my brains out becomes very strong.

Geniuses are like that. I've been there, too. It goes with the territory. Talented people just don't fit in so well and are mostly resented by average people who don't have our different, but important gifts.

Females do not define who we are. We do, and we need to keep defining ourselves and recognizing ourselves for who we are. We are different. We are freaks, and non-freaks will mostly never understand us. Those who don't understand us have the problem. No us. We KNOW we are special, and if others don't get it, well, that is their loss.

Shoot a deer, instead. There are lots of them in your area. Be sure and eat it, though. One should never shoot an animal one is not willing to eat.

your very good best bud,

Farkel

jst2laws

Damn Dave,

I really believe you posted this to help sort things out for yourself. Yet look at all the people who relate to your experience and are encouraged by your post. You cant even dump on us without people feeling better for it.

Call your friend and tell her you'r working on it.

Jst2laws

xenawarrior

((((((((Seven))))))))

One of the things that might really help is for you to see a good therapist. One who has experience with folks who have been in cults or have been in highly controlled environments. With the help of a professional, you can get to the bottom of all of this and start rebuilding YOU.

One of the saddest things I've seen reading about all of the JW stuff is the teachings about mental health and seeking professional help. Although I understand they are much better about it now than in the past, those of other generations still seem to carry what was taught- it's not needed- pray to Jehovah, go out in service etc. Some have said they were told it was downright evil. That kind of teaching only causes an aversion to professional help for emotional problems to be as deep seated as the problems themselves.

When I read your story, it could have been written by the JW guy I was involved with. And he's about your age and went through the same things. And he pushed me away in the same way several times. He's been back lately but with the same sort of stuff going on and I just can't walk that mile again no matter how much I care.

Invest in yourself. Take some time and go talk to someone- a professional. If you find one and you aren't comfortable, find a different one. Search until you find one who you are comfortable with to take you on that journey to heal all of this.

Take care Seven!!! I too really enjoy your posts and your sense of humor. You can get to the place you need to be.

" When the student is ready, the teacher will appear"

XW

Suicidal fear of rejection.

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