Suicidal fear of rejection.

by seven006 47 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Prisca

  (((((((((((((dave))))))))))))))

  You and me have too much in common. I'll email ya one day and let you know why.

  Sisterly hugs to you mate.
• 

  Perry

  Dave,

  I enjoyed your post because so much of it reminded me of my own path. The pain you expressed is familiar too. Hang in there though because this too will pass.

  I've always felt a connection to animals because for me, I could always seem to understand exactly what they were thinking. Their simplicity of being has always been refreshing in times of stress. I admire them for their ability to know and accept who and what they are. My animal relationships were a haven for a chilhood mostly identical to yours in the JW aspect. I can scarcely remember a time that I didn't have a cherished animal relationship.

  Unfortunately, the human path is to remind ourselves who we are constantly. Sometimes these reminders come from the reflection of others, sometimes they come from nature, sometimes they come from our convictions. Sometimes, they appear magically as if some unknown diety has pity on us and simply whacks us with a dose of dignity and immeaserable worth.

  Answers are not something that have come easy for me..... mostly because some of them are painful and burst my childish illusions. Conversely, never underestimate the power of the human mind to create things of value in your life. Your post has already generated a lot of that for you now. You have a lot to offer.

  That you for that deeply introspected post. It is much appreciated.
• 

  RedhorseWoman

  Dave, ****HUGS****

  I am so sorry that things are really messed up right now. I know how special she is to you.

  You expressed your thoughts and feelings so well. Can you possibly do this with her? If she loves you (and I think she does) she may be able to help you through all of this. It's always better if the person you care about at least understands why certain things affect you in a certain way.

  Please don't give up. You have a lot to offer as a human being, and I'm sure she knows it. Trust her. Let her know what she means to you and why you're reacting as you have.

  Many, many ***HUGS**** You know we're all rooting for you.
• 

  seven006

  Xenawarrior,

  I have talked to a few professionals in my life and they all use a similar process as I am trying to do for myself here on this board. You identify a problem, accept that you have the problem, try to find the source of it, and work on eliminating it or at least trying to control it.

  I realized I had the problem. I accepted that I had it by admitting it on this board. I wrote about where I thought the source of the problem came from to see if I might be right. Others with a similar background to me agreed that they had the same problem and that the source was the same for them. Now that I have identified it, realized the source I can now begin to work on it and identify it when it comes up again.

  I just saved myself about three thousand dollars. Thanks guys.

  TR,
  I am looking forward to insulting your face someday too. I didn't know you needed that, so since I'm your friend I'll do it for you right now. You're ugly.

  Amanda,
  We are our own best teachers. The problem is as with any other teacher we tend not to listen to them all the time.

  Larc,
  Thanks buddy. As far as a second chance, I'm not even going to try right now. I need to work on this problem I have. I knew as long as it is bad as it is I would end up doing the same thing all over again. It's going to take a while. I don't think she would appreciate me talking about her on this board so I can't tell her. I don't think she would see this for what it is and how it is helping me. She is a fairly private person and this may piss her off and scare her away even more than it might do any good letting her read this.

  Danny,
  Me help Joelbear? Well, that would be up to him now wouldn't it. I wrote what I wrote to help me as well as anyone else who has felt this way and has had this fear of rejection. Not feeling alone in something painful helps a person deal with it. I'm not one for complaining or crying on anyone's shoulders. I keep most of my problems to my self. Sometimes you need to broadcast them a little to put them out in your face and force you to deal with them. That is what I did here.

  When your parents force you to do something you hate, good chances are you end up with some kind of negative psychological attachment to that experience. Since we no longer feel we have to go knocking on peoples doors, the fear of doors isn't the issue. It is the rejection we received from the people who didn't want us there that has stuck and caused this fear of rejection. People get mad at parents for forcing kids to play the piano and play sports when they don't want to but the stupid JW's can't understand what forcing a kid to knock on peoples doors does to them. The Watchtower association is a legal corporation. Having underage kids sell their literature whether they call it a contribution or not is illegal. A hooker could say she was giving a way free sex but only asking for a contribution when it was over ad it doesn't make it legal. As the good old judge said, religion is a snare and a racket and he owned the biggest racket of them all. Slave labor of kids is a felony.

  Tell T happy anniversary from me. I hope to meet you both someday. Thanks buddy.

  Outlaw,
  I just want to end the uncontrollable bullshit that makes me do things I don't want to do. Now that I got this one out in the open I can start to work on it. I do well working on things once I figure out I have them. Believe it or not, I use to not have a sense of humor.

  Avishai,
  The good old JW religion does push people over the limit but they will never admit that. They are liars and ruin peoples life but to them it's your own fault for not trusting in their Mickey Mouse god. They will get theirs someday. It is coming.

  Amanda,
  Thanks for the pinch on the butt, I needed that. My butt thanks you.

  Ugg,
  Thanks for not praying for me, I appreciate that more than you may think.

  RF,
  Sorry you had to read the whole thing. I know how tough it is for you to read anything without pictures. Ya, I'm like your brother, I don't always express my own problems much to a group of people. I do cuss out stupid drivers all the time though. That helps me a lot.

  Prisca,
  Is it because we are screwed up? That is something we all share on this board. Laughing at others on this board makes us feel not as screwed up. The thing we don't always realize is they are laughing back. One of these days one of us will turn out normal and we will make that person king. I don't know if having the title of king of the crazy people is all that much of an honor. I guess it's better than being the janitor of the crazy people. Thanks Prisca, big hug to you woman.

  Perry,
  I think I am going to nominate you as king of the crazies. I never had a pet except for some fish. I use to talk to them. They never talked back. Maybe I should have stuck my head in their tank. It can get so confusing at times. Thanks man.

  Red,
  It's a little more complicated than I have explained here. I do not want to give all the details for privacy reasons. I was just trying to get my problem out in the open so I could deal with it. I haven't talked to her in a week. I don't know when I am going to again. Since this has been so back and forth with us I just figured she needed a rest from it. I need time to gather my thoughts together more before I try to talk to her. I have said things I don't mean before because of not having my head on straight and fully understanding why I am doing a few things. I don't want to do that again. Thanks for the advice and great be hug.

  Did I forget anyone?

  Dave

  Edited by - seven006 on 5 December 2002 16:10:20
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  wednesday

  dave,

  i read your post all the way through. I too fear rejection, it mpacts my life in a big way.. however, i have been i therapy for a while and i feel much better. I am actaully gaining some self esteem. Jws have done a number on me-and my parents have too. But , as my therapist says, i am an adult now and i can choose. he's helping me . seriously dave, this sh*t does not just go away. One thing u can do for yourself is journal. just as u did today-write it out and , well it helps. But like any kind of disease, you need a doctor. I don't mean u need medication, but u need to have someone u can talk to that can really help u to overcome this. And it is a slow process. One thing my doc has told me is he intends to get as much fun out of life before he has to go. I never thought about life being fun. But i am trying to have some fun know. It feels great.

  I always enjoy your posts.
• 

  wednesday

  apparently i killed this thread
• 

  larc

  Dave, I think the flip side of the fear of rejection is the fear of acceptance. If we are accepted, then we have responsibilities and committments. Remaining resposible and loyal to someone who accepts us is a heavy responsibilty. I don't know it that is part of your dynamic or not, but sometimes that is a factor as well. Acceptance can make life complicated. I know, I have been married for 38 years.
• 

  Farkel

  Dave,

  : Who in the hell told you I was a genius?

  I did.

  : Who in the hell told you that you were a genius?

  I did. (Well, others actually did)

  : Wait...... Oh ya, that night we went out drinking together. What was her name again?....Bambi? You got it wrong my good friend.

  We've never been out drinking together, and you know it, although I'm sure you would be fun company if we ever did.

  Nah! You wouldn't! You'd pick and nab all the long-legged twenty-something blonds and leave the bottom-feeders for me!

  Farkel