6 months out and at times doubtful

by Leander 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Leander

  It was in May of this year that I resigned as a minsterial servant and stopped attending JW meetings. I made a fairly clean break from my congregation without the typical disassociation process. While some areas of my exit were very smooth others were extremely difficult. My mom took the news a lot harder than I expected and my wife is still having problems with my decision. However I still feel that I made the right choice.

  Yesterday morning my wife was feeling somewhat depressed (this usually happens on a meeting day) that I no longer attend the Kingdom Hall with her. When this happens I usually try to explain to her why I could no longer put my ;faith and trust in a organization with an established history of false prophecies and doctrinal changes almost every other month. The more I tried to reason with my wife she became more unresponsive and unwilling to listen to reason. ;I guess basically I'm posting this experience today is because I'm just curious how often other people go through this type of thing. You attempt to show someone the facts about this religion and despite the evidence that the WTS is'nt what they claim to be people still ignore the truth.

  Edited by - leander on 9 December 2002 12:7:43
• 

  larc

  Welcome, Leander. I hope our place is of help to you. I think many folks here will advise you to take it very slowly with your wife. Just a very, very small dose if all JWs can handle, if that. The tendency is to want to tell another person everything you have learned, but that rarely works, if ever. If you go to the Freeminds site at the bottom of the page, you can find the story of how Amazing, a poster here, got his wife and children out of the religion. Perhaps, his account will be of help to you.
• 

  found

  Wow,

  that's got to be tough on you with a wife still in the org. More power to ya! Like was already said, welcome to this site! I have found it extremely helpful and there are some wonderful people here who understand what you're going through, keep reading.
• 

  outnfree

  ((((leander))))

  I had this experience with my best friend in the org. I had to leave her behind when I DA'd myself, and I miss her terribly. It's like mourning a dead relative. All sorts of things are triggers for memories of time spent together or just remembering that person's preferences and tastes.

  You are in a different situation because you are dealing with your immediate family -- in your case, your wife. I remember being in her shoes, feeling down about attending meetings alone when my kids decided not to attend with me. (My husband, never a JW, insisted on their right to choose.) And while I DID honestly feel badly, I would exaggerate just HOW badly I felt -- trying to "guilt" them into accompanying me. It worked sometimes, but it was a hollow victory. I knew they were coming out of love and/or respect for me, rather than because they wanted to be there to honor Jehovah. So, trust me when I say that should you ever feel tempted to go along with her just to make her happy, DON'T DO IT! It will only prolong her acceptance that you're really and truly "done" with the organization.

  Meanwhile, I think lots of others here have counseled spouses who left before their mates saw the light that the best thing to do is to show love a thousand different ways (and to plan some of those special occasions for meeting nights -- or even weekends ).

  Good luck!

  outnfree
• 

  Leander

  Thanks for the replies. I've been lurking and occasionally posting on this site for about 2 years now, its really helped me to make a break from the tower. Although on occasions I question if I made the right choice, in the end I believe I made the sensible and most logical decision. But it gets kinda tough when your entire family is telling you otherwise.
• 

  LittleToe

  Hi Leander,
  I know where you are coming from, as I'm in a similar situation. I DA'ed in January, and my wife is still a zealous Pioneer. It's an incredibly difficult and volatile situation, with no improvements, after nearly a year. And the less said about the rest of my family, the better...

  Feel free to email, if you want to compare notes. Meanwhile, commiserations, I feel your pain!
• 

  Realist

  it happend to me a million times ...i showed her the quotes...reasoned with her about the illogical statments, the changes in doctrine and coldheartedness of this religion...she always denied everything and refused to acknowledge her doubts...sooo sad
• 

  fjtoth

  Leander,

  I expressed my doubts to my wife only once, and almost immediately she reported me to an elder. Because I wasn't prepared to be thrown out of the organization, it was fortunate for me that he was a friend and that he was tactful and kind in trying to get me to stop thinking independently of the organization. He didn't tell me that my wife had spoken to him, but he betrayed their little secret several weeks later. When I confronted my wife, she wept for over an hour, explaining that she did it because she didn't want to see me die at Armageddon.

  My wife has since died, and I have nothing but admiration for the devotion she had for her beliefs. I never again expressed in her presence my doubts, even though they were growing in number. An awareness that the WTS is in error has to come from the inside, I believe. During the many years when I had no doubts at all, I probably would have reacted as my wife did if I ran into another JW who said anything against the Society's teachings.

  In many cases, I think it's really the Lord who opens our eyes to the WT's false teachings. We can help by right living and by the right answers when they ask questions, but in some cases it just might take years before they finally see the light. In my own case, the doubts went on for nearly 20 years before I became convinced that I had to leave. I wouldn't be surprised that it takes a similar amount of time for many others to come to that decision.

  fjtoth
• 

  imanaliento

  it's kind of like wanting someone to know the truth so bad we often bombard them trying to get them in. you are doing the opposite, Have you got the Crisis of Conscience book by Ray Franz? My husband did early in the year and had kept anyone in the house from seeing it. mid July he decided to leave it out in the open, I eventually picked it up and often stayed up late reading it, It just added fuel to my fire because I was already torked at them for the pedohpile issue. we both DA in August.

  good luck and have patience.
• 

  seven006

  Leander,

  If you made a brake from any other religion that your whole family was in you would get them telling you other wise also. Every religion thinks they are the right one which in turn makes the other ones wrong. It is the way religion goes. If one leaves it, it makes the others feel insecure. People need other people constantly agreeing with them and giving them verification that their thoughts are the same as others thus making those thoughts correct. This board has many variations of belief, thought, and conviction. In the end, it's what you personally feel is right and wrong. Having someone else agree or disagree with you is irrelevant.

  Listen to your own self.

  Dave