I was following your story with great interest. I hope some of the advice you're getting here is helping you.
Yesterday morning my wife was feeling somewhat depressed (this usually happens on a meeting day) that I no longer attend the Kingdom Hall with her. When this happens I usually try to explain to her why I could no longer put my ;faith and trust in a organization with an established history of false prophecies and doctrinal changes almost every other month.
Your words are like deja vu' all over again for me. The mental conditioning imposed upon my wife by the borg made meeting nights a living hell in our house when I initially broke free. Every meeting night I was chided for her having to go to meetings alone and that "I know" I should be taking the lead in this matter. What made it more excrutiating was that she intensified her efforts in trying to force our then teen son to more meetings even though he was making his way out with no prodding at all from myself.
And while I DID honestly feel badly, I would exaggerate just HOW badly I felt -- trying to "guilt" them into accompanying me. It worked sometimes, but it was a hollow victory. I knew they were coming out of love and/or respect for me, rather than because they wanted to be there to honor Jehovah
That's exactly what it was all about with my wife and most likely with yours too. There lay exposed for all her JW peers to see that little chink in the perfect image JW try to portray themselves to be to each other. Anything used to get you back to the meetings is justified, not because it may get you closer to Jah, but more to repair that little imperfection laid bare for all to see.
My wife drug me through hell and back trying to get me back into the meetings. And on the occasion that I did acquiesce and go with her I was raked over the coals for going in scowling and with an attitude and for not projecting the image of "happy to be here". I finally found a way to turn her negative attitude of me not going back on herself by reminding her that Jah would not be happy with coerced or half-hearted service to him...would he? What would be accomplished by going back to meeting and pretending to listen to and take heart in something I no longer believed in. Isn't that in itself being hypocritical, putting on a front, faking trying to be someone I'm not?
Like I said before, it took a lot of arguments, a lot of yelling, a lot of crying, of me telling my wife that I was not abandoning her, had no intention of abandoning her, but that I could no longer follow the spiritual leadership of the WT organization and that there was no way I would be coerced to do so. Right or wrong I have to live my life as I want to and not as it would be defined by the WT org.
You may find that you'll have to exercise the most extreme patience you've ever had to do in your life to get her in the position that she's accepted your decision. In all, I'd say it took me about three years for my wife to accept the fact that I'll never be an active JW again.
Hopefully, it won't take you that long......
