It's 2 AM...and Im soooo sad

LovesDubs

Its just not supposed to be like this. I just put my JW husband on a plane to San Fran so he can spend the entire holiday week out there, get this, dog sitting his nonJW brothers shitzus while he goes to visit family for Christmas. I told him I was going to miss him...and he replied, well "I wont miss Christmas". I cried all the way home. I do Christmas alone...for my children...but alone. And frankly, I cannot muster any satisfaction out of it all. I know my kids love the gifts...the parties...the food...I know I always did. I think that I didnt realize because I spent my 30's and half my 40's as a JW not doing Christmas, that its a lot of work, worry, emotional upheaval to pull this thing off every year as an adult. I guess growing up, I just showed up where the party was and partook of all that effort which came from other people, and never gave it all a second thought. But now, Im here, hes thousands of miles away, and Im soooo miserable that my family is torn to shreds and there isnt a damn thing I can do about it. I called him at 2AM just to hear his voice, and just sobbed that we always seem to be eternally on opposite sides of a glass these days, not ever really able to touch. I dont want the holidays to feel like an obligation. They never used to....and I know hes torn too, cant leave the organization because he would lose his family, but doesnt want to do those meetings and that field service any more. And we cant talk about ANY of it. We have our separate pain tearing us apart and cant even freakin talk about it to comfort each other.

Before he left me this morning he said "Have a good time this week." And I know he meant it. And Im just so miserable. We have no family here and all our friends are going to be with their families so its just the kids and I. I know....Im rambling. I think one of my new years resolutions has to be, to get this organization out of my life...somehow. My 14 year old says Im obsessed. Hes right. But in keeping it in front of me, I keep the pain anew...and it has to stop. Has to stop.

JT

yep it is 2:50 here in DC

got up to ck my Ebay bid- i won

well i hope you feel better- the impact of wt on our lives truly runs deep

do this ck your email- i sent you Lady "C" and I - phone number feel free to call us later today we will be here at the house,

if not send me your number and Lady "C" or myself will call you

james

ozziepost

So sorry, LovesDubs.

We share your hurt.

Ozzie and Mrs Ozzie

NewLight2

LovesDubs,

Is there any way that you and the kids could go visit your family? Of course, I have no idea how far away they live. It was just a thought.

NewLight2

Robdar

LovesDubs,

I hope that all this is worked out by this time next year. Merry Christmas.

Hugs,

Robyn

xenawarrior

(((((((((((LovesDubs))))))))))))))

I don't have any words of wisdom for you, I wanted you that people are here and listening to give you a hug- sounds like you could use one about now. And you aren't rambling. Good to get it out !!

Hope things get better for you !!

XW

Jeremy30

I know where you're coming from -- I love dubs too but hate the cult. Cults have a nasty habit of tearing families apart. I wish people would get that before they join!

TR

Now I know how my wife felt when I was a 'hovah. Sorry.

TR

LovesDubs

They are all over the place, Illinois, Michigan, California...and frankly it is prohibitive for us to travel AND have to buy winter gear for all of us. We are in S. Fla. My mother goes out to California, my dad goes out to AZ, for Christmas. We were told that we "arent on the way anywhere" for anybody to come down here and visit us. Nice eh? Boy I really am having a pity party here. I need some Tylenol PM.

Thank you all for the late night hugs...I sure needed em.

Edited by - LovesDubs on 22 December 2002 3:4:50

LyinEyes

(((((((((((((((LoveDubs)))))))))))) just put your head on my shoulder and cry away.

I was about 3 months after my husband, when he started having doubts about the org. He was an elder and the pillar of my strength. When he started his doubts I felt the earth shake like Ihave never felt it before, like my whole life foundations were shaking and I couldnt stop it.

I accused him of bringing demons in our home and for the first time in our 16 years of marriage I wondered if we could with stand him leaving and me staying in the Org. I felt sick at heart knowing that with the two of us,,,,,,,,,, it was all or nothing, I knew that us leading seperate lives in regard to our strongest beliefs would not work out. Or at least that is how I felt. It didnt take me long to want to find out what had made him change his mind about the God he loved and gave his life for. I knew he loved me and the kids more than anything and wouldnt risk our lives on a whim. Being JW you know that leaving JW you think you are causing the death of all of your family. I trusted my husband enough to know that he was serious and I should listen , even if I didnt agree. It took me a few weeks of reading, searching, crying , to understand that he was right. It took me longer to decide that I wanted to stand by him on leaving the only religion and way of life we knew. It was hard to do, for both of us, and it is still a process of healing, and doubt, at least for me it is

Just give it time, if he is feeling doubts, missing meetins, or just staying in for famil's sake, you are not so far off the page from each other. Give him time to find his own way out and stand by your man..........he will no doubt come around.

But I used to think what it would be like if I were in your shoes , right now,,,,,,,,, I just hope that the future will bring you both together in happiness for your family. Once these holidays are over , things might get clearer for you both.

Hugs and lots of thought of what you must be going thru................love , Dede

Remember time .......... give it time..........hugs

It's 2 AM...and Im soooo sad

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