It's 2 AM...and Im soooo sad

by LovesDubs 33 Replies latest jw friends

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  xenawarrior

  Dede- I just have to say- you RAWK!! What a great post!!

  XW
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  Scully

  awwwwwwww (((((((((((((((( LovesDubs )))))))))))))))

  I'm so glad you came here to vent and tell us what's going on ......... I hope when you next see this thread there are tons of loving, supportive replies from people who totally understand what it's like to do Christmas alone and get frustrated over all the effort you put into making the holidays special for your children.

  I still get stressed out every year over Christmas. Not so much for the cooking, or the lack of family - I never really knew what "normal" Christmas was all about because my parents got brainwashed became JWs when I was 6 years old. I have some vague memories, but nothing really elaborate in terms of traditions and family-type stuff to do. But in spite of all the reading and asking people I know about what they do that makes Christmas "Christmas", I still feel a bit like an alien might feel, coming from another planet and never having seen or done Christmas before. So, we wing it. The presents and the tree and lights are pretty much figured out, but as for a big meal, well all my close relatives who would be interested in coming to my house for dinner are JWs, so that just leaves hubby, the kids, and me. We don't have any relatives close enough to spend the holidays with, and I'm stuck at work every other Christmas anyway. We aren't huge fans of turkey dinner (Blasphemy, I know...) so we have something simple. Last year I made up some party trays - cold cuts, cheese, crackers, veggies, fruit, dip - and it was a huge success. We invited a few of the neighbours to come by for dessert and coffee (an open house kind of thing) and had a really pleasant time, in spite of all the JW crappiness that went on concurrently with my family.

  Anyway, this year I'm making lasagne for Christmas dinner, because it's easy to throw together, and because I'm stuck at work this year. My family doesn't appreciate the effort of a big dinner, and this is something I know they'll enjoy, and something I won't be stuck cleaning up for 12 hours after it's all over.

  When you think about families like ours, how can anyone deny the fact that the WTS doesn't royally screw up families?? JWs just don't get it........ sometimes I wonder if they ever will.

  LovesDubs, honey, you were one of the first exJWs I met when I came online - I've always had a special place in my heart for you, because you offered me friendship when I wasn't sure what to expect from "apostates". You're a terrific friend, and an awesome mom. Your kids may not appreciate everything you do for them now, but you're giving them things that some of us as JWs never had... a life rich in traditions and appreciation for family and friends... truly a gift that is priceless. I wish I could do half of what you do, and pull it off half as well as you do... I'd be very pleased with that.

  I'm still on AOL if you ever wanna chat, sweetie....

  Love, Scully
• 

  Navigator

  LovesDubs

  I know where you are coming from as I am in the same boat. My "annointed" JW wife doesn't celebrate Xmas. For many years, I was the only Xmas keeper in the home. Lately, however, I am able to celebrate with our children (Megadude, Jade, and Roo, and Angela) who have finally seen the light. My advice is to keep the celebration simple and don't get stressed out. Remember that the celebration is about the birth of Holiness into the world and into ourselves. Go to a Xmas Eve Candlelight service or mid-night communion. Tell your family and friends that you love them. Make a donation to the Salvation Army. It will return and bless you. Treat yourself to something that you thought you couldn't afford. Invite someone else who is alone to share a meal with you. There are so many alone these days. Let the Christ be born in You!
• 

  safe4kids

  ((((LovesDubs))))

  LyinEyes and Scully said some wonderful things, I don't know what to add other than that I can feel the pain in your post and wish I could offer some comfort to you. Please, please remember and take comfort in the fact that you ARE giving something to your children that they WILL one day come to appreciate. And don't underestimate what positive effects your stand may be having on your husband. We just never know what another person is thinking and feeling; he may not feel able to share his thoughts with you right now, especially if he is having some serious doubts but that doesn't mean that it will always be that way.

  The holidays are supposed to be a time of togetherness and love for families; therefore, we feel the absence of that so much more keenly this time of year. Please don't give up hope; as Robyn said, maybe it will be totally different this time next year. I'm hoping that is the case.

  Love,

  Dana
• 

  ugg

  i just want you to know that i am thinking of you....(((((((((((((((((((((( loves dubs )))))))))))))))))))))
• 

  waiting

  Howdy Luvs,

  I was raised a Catholic - and have fond memories of Christmas, in fact - loved it. I know the drunkeness, "inappropriate" sex, even a rape occurred, but....for the most part? For all the years, I loved it. Then I became a JW at 18.

  Lol - at 52, I found out there IS a lot of work to pulling this off correctly! But my kids are grown - so we don't do much. I love the colors!

  As, jw's, we used to always try to do something special with the kids on holidays. The Zoo is a great place if it's open on Christmas. It is here in SC. Perhaps where you're at too? The movies are great - even on DVD.

  What about letting your kids invite some of their friends over in the afternoon? Make a funky pizza or something? Actually, I'm quite tired of turkey from T'giving. I know my sil's mother is having roast beef as they're tired of it too.

  Taco's that everybody designs themselves? My kids always loved a big selection of chips, cold cuts, cheeses, veggies, that they could pick & choose from. They LOVED Hickory Farms packages - so they could open up every single kind.

  I know I'm kinda rambling ------as I can't reach out an hug you. My sister was the jw & her husband the Irish Catholic. He was just so damned angry during the holidays at her. I think she cried even harder than you.......and Patio then found out it had been all un-necessary. Of course, he had still acted like a jerk, but it just didn't have to be.

  Take care - and maybe take the easy way out.....pizza.

  waiting
• 

  Mary

  ((((((Lovedubs)))))).......I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through........I can't believe your husband would rather spend the holidays with a frigging DOG rather than his family.............

  From what you've described here, your husband actually sounds about where I am when it comes to the Organization. I haven't been out in service for years, and have no intention of ever going out again, and I only attend half the meetings. I stay, because right now I think it would be too hard on my family if I totally left and it's just more convenient to be a half-assed Witness than to be DF'd.

  Your husband probably doesn't want to do the whole Christmas thing, because even though he doesn't want to be an "active" Witness anymore, there's still the huge problem of "guilt" that we all deal with. Not sure if you read my post, but some friends of mine gave me a birthday party yesterday and although I enjoyed it tremendously, I still felt a bit guilty, simply because it was ingrained in me all my life that this was wrong, wrong, wrong...........

  For Christmas next year, why don't you try this: have the dinner and friends over, etc. but don't put up the decorations. If you want to give gifts to the kids, do it a fews days before Xmas. My sister left the Borg 25 years ago, and she told me the other day that she STILL feels a twitch of the ol' guilt trip when she puts up her Christmas tree.............I think if you did it SLOWLY over the next few years, your husband might respond to the celebrations a bit better.........

  Just a thought but it's worth a try. All the best,

  Mary
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  LeslieV

  I really can feel your pain. I am sorry your family is going through such turmoil because of this god awful religion.

  I also was alone with my three children for years. I have no family near me either. What I started to do is make my own traditions with my kids. I had them bake cookies with me, decorate the tree with Xmas music playing and on Xmas eve I had them pick one gift to open. Even though I was dying inside I never showed my children. To this day we now still do these traditions I established six years ago and all they remember is how fun it was. It really does become easier as time goes bye. DO NOT LET THAT STUPID RELIGION TAKE AWAY YOUR MEMORIES WITH YOUR KIDS!!!!! They someday will thank you for standing up against those hurtful doctrines. Include your hubby where you can and do the best to let the rest go. You will be happier and so will he. Just my thoughts. I am thinking of you all.

  Leslie
• 

  scootergirl

  lovesdubs.......I am so sorry. I am at a loss for words but want you to know that I am thinking of you.
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  LovesDubs

  Have I told you lately how much I adore and love all of you? EXJWs certainly know how to love and be true friends...isnt it ironic that we came out of that cold environment with that knowledge? Just shows there are no victims there are only volunteers. I managed to get a few hours of sleep, and the sun is up (behind the overcast) and Im feeling better about the world. A little bit anyway. You all knew exactly what I needed to hear. The kids have been excited about Christmas for at least...well since Halloween! And I would never disappoint them. My youngest two 11 and 7, put up our little instant tree and decorated it themselves this year. I didnt touch a single detail on it, as anal as I am sometimes, and they are so proud of it. I didnt go as crazy decorating this year as I did last year. I only decorate inside for the most part, but my tree is still in the front window :) Im sure the elder four doors down is having a hissy fit. My husband said he meets with an elder now once a week...he hasnt said why that is, but that would explain his sudden spurt of meeting attendance in the last couple weeks. I hope he is actually talking to SOMEBODY...even if it is an elder. My 14 year old boy seems so detached this year...its probably a teenager thing, but I need all the family I can get CLOSE to me right now...not pulling away. I havent said anything to him, I know he loves me. His fathers example to him is showing. He often reflects his fathers attitudes. And now his two cousins closest in age to him, got baptized two months ago,,,,and treat him badly because hes
  bad association" all of a sudden. Hard to explain to a child that hes suddenly BAD when hes anything but. God I hate this religion.

  We are going to an evening church service in a cathedral sized Methodist church near here which we have gone to three years running now for Xmas eve. Its a candlelight service with soft carols and amazing decorations all around.

  I decided to take them to see the Nutcracker in a matinee that afternoon too, so we can all have a bit of fantasy! Miami ballet does a fabulous job with it, and they make it snow in the theater. :)

  Even tho the melancholy lingers, you have all lifted me up, and I cant love you more than I do now.

  Blessings to you all and to your families, and a happy prosperous new year!

  Dawn