by Mercedes 43 Replies latest jw friends
Mercedes,
I know I got a lot going for me, I even got opted to model.
could you post your picture???
seriously...maybe you just have to grow out of this relationship...it takes a while to get over the first big love. so take your time and see how it develops...
that he really changed is unfortunately very unlikely however.
Cut him loose. You are wasting your time with him.
I would have to say you are about 3 years late in dumping his sorry ass. If he is to get better, that is up to him, no need for you to keep hanging around living in fear.
Move on and find a guy worthy of you.
Lew W
Mercedes:
Abusers go through a cyclical period you are now in what they call the honeymoon period, they are sweet and sorry and changed IT WON'T LAST. If he'll give you black eyes he will kill you bottom line, maybe on accident or maybe he will just destroy who you are slowly until you a walking shell.
My sister went through this even divorced the bastard he lured her back he was changed <urp gag> he went to church<vomit hurl> he kept cheating and beating and she was a walking disatster so bad I hated to even be around her, she was like a empty hollowed out shell where my sister had once been. She finally had enought divorced him again. He lured her to a bar to "talk" about child custody well (she just told me the whole ugly story and it's been years, she lied about most of it first)he followed her out to the parking lot (now my older sis is 5'5 about 130 at the most and he is about 6'3 200 or more pounds) He hit her in the face breaking her jaw when she hit the ground he kicked her and stomped her and left her for dead. Her beautiful face has NEVER looked the same<bastard> Well, your sitting thinking oh, he loves me he would never do that THAT IS WHAT SHE THOUGHT and you know she is one of THE LUCKY ONES.
You deserve more, your worth more than that, there are men that don't hit and tear you down emotionally find help then find one
Sheila
There is no such thing as spontaneous remission of battering for sport.
Please...if you don't do ANY thing else, go get yourself a copy of the book by Susan Forward, "Men Who Hate Women, and The Women Who Love Them."
Please.
francois
Leave.
No matter how nice he is now, he does not deserve you, and you deserve better.
Many abusers will be nice for a while. Typically, this is while they think you may leave. Once they know you will stay, and especially once you start trusting him again, he will start again.
You dont need that shit in your life. Nor will any kids you have. It doesnt matter even if he will stay nice for the rest of his life. Why take the chance?
If your daughter or a female friend said to you, "My man has cheated on me several times, he hits me, etc. Should I leave?" what would your answer be?
Leaving is hard. My wife was a husband-beater and I didnt leave even though I have advised women to leave abusive husbands. After the last night of beatings, I finally realized that I wasn't doing what I tell women to do. Leave. Plus, this time, my kid saw it.
BTW, they are often so very, very sorry. Don't believe it. Dump him and never return to him. If he was truly sorry, he will treat his next lady kindly. Fat chance of that happening.
Leaving was tough, but worth it. My ex and my two oldest sons actually thanked me. My youngest is not with his mom and is no longer afraid. The dishes I got last year are still here. The furniture I got last year is still undamaged. The peace of mind is unreal.
Mercedes, if you need someone to talk to, or a place to stay, email me and I will send you my contact information. There are things you can do.
Richard
Edited by - Skeptic on 31 December 2002 16:19:6
Edited by - Skeptic on 31 December 2002 16:24:8
Mercedes,
Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't dump him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You love him soooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!! Keep being the victim for as long as you shall live!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get professional help fast.
Take care!
Call home for money, take the PC with you so you can finish school, and go home to the family you miss.
Don't tell him what you are planning, don't tell him when you're leaving, but make up your mind to leave, now.
And then, as everyone else (EVERYONE else, you'll notice), says: Get help for YOURSELF to understand why you have been willing to put up with such shit for so long.
outnfree
You need to read your last post again. Why do you HAVE TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND to feel fullfilled. There is a big difference in needing a boyfriend and wanting one. You seem to think that your identity is who you are dating, not who you are. You need to find out who you are!!! What it is you want!!!!
When we live in an abusive relationship we forget ourselves because we are so wrapped up in making it work with an abuser. Just think of all the energy you expend in making sure that everything is a ok so he does not go ballistic. You need to talk to a domestic violence counselor. You can call 1-800-252-8748 and the counselor will tell you what DV program is close to where you live. When you have your self-esteem and self-worth returned to you then you can have a healthy relationship because you want one, not that you need one.
There is lots of issues in this post, please call a counselor you need support in whatever decisions you make.
Lslie
Good Lord! I'm amazed you even have to ask this question! How do you KNOW he's still not cheating on you??? And if you think that down the road, he's not gonna hit you again, then think again. Men who hit their girlfriends/wives are LOSERS and they rarely, if ever change.
The very fact that you've stuck around this jerk-off for so long says that you need to get yourself into some sort of therapy. I watched a program on TV a couple of weeks ago, dealing with this very subject. One doctor said that there is "a certain chemistry between men who abuse women and women who let men abuse them." Generally, it's low self-esteem that's the problem: you don't want to be alone, or you figure that this is all you deserve, and you figure he's better than no one. I have a friend like this and I just don't get it. Her boyfriend treats her like absolute dirt and her response every time is "it's better than being alone."
Get rid of this guy, get some professional help and rent that movie "ENOUGH" with Jennifer Lopez, or "The Burning Bed" with Farrah Fawcett to see how they deal with their lousy husbands.
