Would You Marry A Person Of A Different Race?

by minimus 116 Replies latest jw friends

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  DanTheMan

  Looks like my posts have hit a couple of nerves.

  Maybe it is a bit of a case of sour grapes on my part, as I haven't been too successful with women in my life. AND I had a woman who I was crazy about dump me HARD for a black guy, it hurt a lot. She totally came on to him right in front of me, as if I wasn't even there. It was the worst night of my life. She even told me later that she was more attracted to me than she was to him, but he was the total unquestioning JW drone like she was, whereas I was becoming more and more disillusioned with the org. Painful memories...

  She eventually married him, I was told. But only after she lost her job and was umteen thousand dollars in debt. He was a fool. So was I, but she was one hell of an attractive lady, the kind that makes men lose their head in a minute.

  Edited by - dantheman on 17 January 2003 20:33:22
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  Solace

  Danther,

  Your previous posts are not usually the kind that I ignore. As I continued to read them, I noticed you were humiliating yourself more than I ever could, so I chose not to comment.

  I understand that you have been hurt, but you probably shouldnt blame an entire race or make such huge generalizations based on something that happend with one person.

  Initially, we become attracted to someone for whatever reason, but love is not about race, color, style, or appearance. Sometimes I think we have to actually experience it, to completely understand this, ya know?

  Edited by - heaven on 17 January 2003 20:44:47
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  SusanHere

  Yes, I would marry outside my race, and I did. We have four beautiful children of our own, and also had foster children and eventually adopted children.

  My husband and I have no problem with the race issue...to us it doesn't exist. He is him, and I love him. I am me and he loves me. We don't see a pigmentation difference.

  Where the problems come in, and have always been, and no doubt always will be, is in how outsiders view us. Many relatives dropped us from their invitations lists. Many won't admit they are even related at all. Many people at work, at church, in our neighborhoods, at school (including college since hubby and I both have advanced degrees), at the grocery store, the local K-Mart, the beach, the ski lodge, the restaurant, etc. have major problems seeing my husband and myself together. And when the children were with us...

  In my naive innocence I believed if we were good, decent people of quality, refinement and education, we would be accepted anywhere. Not so. We have problems forced upon us and upon our children, and now our grandchildren that same-race couples never have to face. That still concerns and sorrows me, to this day. I expect it always will. It is not my problem, it is theirs, but they make it mine.

  Would I marry him again?

  YOU BET!!!!!!!!!!!

  Susan

  Edited because I had a typo, sorry!!

  Edited by - SusanHere on 17 January 2003 20:52:46
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  Prisca

  I would, in fact I was once engaged to an African. Not an African-American, but a real African. Yes, I encountered some discrimination from people because they saw a white woman with a black man. But you encounter discrimination for any reason in this world, so it's something you learn to deal with.

  Now, dantheman made this observation:

  so that maybe they can get over the attitude that having a white woman is the ultimate (which in my observation seems to be the mentality of a lot of black men. The Wayans Bros even did a skit on one of their shows once poking fun at their own for this very thing!)

  Well, I can't say how true this is with African-Americans, but my African fiance admitted that in his African culture, white people were regarded as a special group of people that were seen as the "ultimate". Having a white person living in their community was like having a king or queen in their midst. When I initially had some reservations about living in his home town in Africa (because I was worried I might encounter discrimination) he explained that it would be the opposite - I would be regarded as a queen, simply because I had white skin.

  So that attitude seems to filter through some black cultures. I don't understand it, but that's the way it was explained to me by a black African.
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  DanTheMan

  I noticed you were humiliating yourself more than I ever could, so I chose not to comment.

  How so?

  I understand that you have been hurt, but you probably shouldnt blame an entire race or make such huge generalizations based on something that happend with one person

  How did I blame an entire race, or make huge generalizations? I said SOMETIMES. I never made a blanket condemnation. I base my opinions on what I have observed. And I am sticking to my guns in my initial statement that sometimes immature white women take advantage of fawning black men. Come on now, am I really being that unrealistic in saying that?

  Edited by - dantheman on 17 January 2003 23:5:45

  Edited by - dantheman on 17 January 2003 23:6:18
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  meadow77

  Dan- I like what Mulan used to use as her quote. No-one can take advantage of you without your permission. Again, women and men take advantage of eachother all the time regardless of race. Some actually love eachother regardless of race. You are certainly entitled to your observations, just remember that they are limited. And I am sorry for what happened to you, but it's probably the most telling for why you feel the way you do. You seem to see not only youirself as a victim, but also this other man she went out with, because you seem to feel that she used him too.There is nothing wrong with prefering to date within your own race, just like their is nothing wrong with dating outside of it. The only thing I was asking you to see is that generalizations are dangerous.

  Oh and Lying Eyes-I would like to say a big ditto on the Lenny Kravitz thing. If I were single I would stalk him to the ends of the earth and make him mine!
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  refiners fire

  I had a lady friend once went to India for a few months and she reckoned that Indian guys would follow her around in virtual clumps propositioning her. Apparently its something that happens to white skinned gals over in places like that.
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  DanTheMan

  The only thing I was asking you to see is that generalizations are dangerous.

  ARRGHH!!! Are you all paying ANY attention to what I'm saying? I said SOMETIMES, and IN SOME CASES. I'm just being honest! I mean, is it such a wildly insane thing for me to say that my observations have led me to believe that a fair number of black men look at white women as being more desirable than women of their own race? And that this might leave them open to being taken advantage of?

  I have nothing more to say about this topic, since people only seem to want to hear political correctness on this subject.
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  refiners fire

  "People only want to hear political correctness"....

  Thats right Dan, Bloody pathetic isnt it.
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  meadow77

  Dan-You are being honest and so am I. I don't think it's fair to say that because I found your comments generalizing that I am just being politically correct. In every single one of your posts you hounded on the idea that these poor black men were being taken advantage of. It seemed to me like you were generalizing. Maybe you weren't. Are you listening to me at all. I said alot more in my posts than the one sentence that you isolated. If I have misread your intentions, I am sorry, but to say that believing not every black man is being taken advantage of by some witchy white women is the equivalent of political correctness is simply not fair. I understand that this is something that you have observed, and I never said that your observations were wrong, or that this never happened. It just seemed to me that since that is what you pointed out, that this is something you felt happened alot. I was just expressing my viewpoint, just like you were, there is no reason to get angry.