A Jehovah's Witness in a relationship with a non-Jehovah's Witness

by KShelton 27 Replies latest social family

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  KShelton

  My name is Kevin Shelton. My wife is a Jehovah's Witness. My two children are Jehovah's Witnesses. However, I am not. Our son is 13 years old and is trying to start a relationship with a girl who is 13 years old. The girl is not a Jehovah's Witness.

  That is the basic facts. Here is the rest of the story. Our son told us (My wife and I) that he met a girl and she likes him and he likes her. My wife is dead set against it only because the girl is not a Jehovah's witness. The girl's parents (who are also not Jehovah's Witnesses) met my son (with me (the father) present. The girl's parents hold to almost the exact (almost word for word) the values, guiding principles of parenting, disciplining, love of family that both me and my wife do. If there was ever a cause for joy that my son had found a girl that was being raised in the same values and would would be a "match made in heaven" this one is it.(the one between my son and the girl).
  

  My wife and I had a very heated argument. The argument has continued. Now about 5-6 years ago I was in the process of doing bible studies, learning about Jehovah and JWs, attending meetings, conventions and memorials. Until, that is to say, I went to a meeting at a Kingdom Hall one night when the Circuit Overseer (I think that was his title) spoke there. He said, and I quote: "...There is only two people who you should have a relationship with. Jehovah God and ONLY other Jehovah's Witnesses."The congregation applauded at that time.
  

  I immediately got up and walked out to the car. I waited for the meeting to finish and my wife and kids got in and I drove home. The next day I called the elder I was having a bible study with and stopped that. When asked why, I told him that the circuit overseer was wrong. There are many path's to Jehovah. Just because some people prefer to take another path does not make them any less deserving JWs. We had a long discussion. I felt firm in my conviction. I prayed and prayed about this for a long time.

  THEN. Just a few weeks ago when my children were on ZOOM, doing a meeting, memorial or something like that, the same thing was said again. That a Jehovah's Witness can only have a relationship with another Jehovah's Witness. I guess this reaffirmed my wife's conviction even stronger which is the cause of the heated debate between me, my son, the girl he likes. and my wife.

  So I am asking the community here (Cannot find anything on JW.ORG about this, except vague references to marriage. ) where in the bible (I have looked, my wife has looked) that this perception of only allowing Jehovah's Witnesses to have any personal relationships with anyone except Jehovah's Witnesses. Doesn't that violate even the most basic values that JW have. Teach people about the "TRUTH". Develop relationships and introduce them to Jehovah, through whatever means Jehovah provides?

  I would love to have a one on one conversation with an Anointed One, Elder, Deacon, priest, preacher, Leader from Bethel about this. My wife and I are not speaking to each other and this has put a considerable strain on our 14 year marriage.

  v/r

  Kevin Shelton

  Hope to hear from you soon.

  May the Lord Jehovah through his son Jesus Christ bless you and guide us to coming to a quick resolution.
  
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  ExBethelitenowPIMA

  This may not be relevant but do you really think 13 year olds should be getting into relationships at this age?

  The hormones are crazy at this age so unless you don’t mind them experimenting sexually then maybe it’s not a good idea?

  What happens if she gets pregnant are they really ready to have a family? Of course not at 13.

  You may be thinking they won’t be doing anything like that but here is my point. The hormones are crazy and will bring frustration
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  ExBethelitenowPIMA

  I notice you have a 14 year marriage and a 13 year old son, you may not want to answer this but did you remain chaste before your wedding day?

  Sorry for too personal question you don’t have to answer.

  The point I was making is that it can be very difficult if not impossible for a boy and girl who like each other spend lots of time together and not start kissing and touching. Once you have kissed that’s it the body will be frustrated if you go ahead and get your body ready for something it doesn’t get, I mean then deny going further.

  The Bible says you can’t hold fire and not get burnt.
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  KShelton

  Well, I know I didn't say this in my OP. The girl's dad and I said anytime they are together there will be an adult chaperone to prevent such things as pregnancy. When I was there for my son to meet the father, neither the girl nor my son seemed to know the first thing about being in a relationship. How to act. They were both trying very hard to show respect to the adults. Her dad and I noticed this.

  This is why I think it would be a good idea. The kids need to learn how to be in a relationship at this age to know how to be in a REAL relationship later in life. If they learn now (as we did back in the 70's) then later relationships become easier to manage and not filled with all sorts of drama.
  
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  ExBethelitenowPIMA

  Do you see my point about this brining frustration with hormones and all?

  This is why I think the Bibles advice is very good wait until past the bloom of youth when hormones stabilise and you are more mature
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  TonusOH

  I don't see an issue with two 13 year olds being boyfriend/girlfriend. It's the start of a long learning process for both, and as long as their parents are doing their jobs, it should be just fine.

  As for a relationship with a non-JW, unfortunately that is a point they are firm on, generally. Any kind of association with non-JWs is risky, in their eyes. They use Bible verses that can imply a risk (1 Corinthians 15:33, for example), but I don't know if there are any that specifically forbid it. They're okay with the day-to-day interactions that are unavoidable (people at your job, where you shop, etc), but anything beyond that is frowned upon as a threat to your spiritual health.
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  StephaneLaliberte

  If there is one thing I've come to realize over the years with any religious people is that you can't explain their belief using their sacred texts. You say: The bible or Coran says this, and they'll say: Yes, but it also says that. And then you end up in an argument where the ultimate authority is not logic, but some thousand year old book that can be understood one way or another.

  I find that relying purely on logic is often much better. Ask your wife what kind of relationship you have with her. If she finds plenty of positive things, then ask why that would not apply also to your son. If you are a happy couple, then you are the living proof, first hand account, that their rule is senseless.

  If she can't find positive things and you find that you've been unhappy for several years, then, perhaps its time for you to make your own way. If she begs you not to leave, than ask her what's the point of saving a relationship if she doesn't cherish it.

  If you do end up leaving, then, you'll have time to explain to your kids your views on relationships that is not dependant on the adherence to any religion.

  I know, this sounds complicated, but it is not. It is hard to handle, very hard, perhaps devastating, but its not complicated.

  When your wife questions the validity of relationships where the basis is identical to yours, its not complicated.
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  nowwhat?

  As a father that raised 3.. 13 is way too young to be dating. Should be a non issue.
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  ExBethelitenowPIMA

  @Stephane

  I have to say I strongly disagree with you

  suggeting he ends his marriage just because she has a different view on the Bible.

  You said it’s not complicated yes it’s not, you are very wrong.

  How would you feel if they split up after 14 years of marriage and you were a big part of that?
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  iloowy.goowy

  Hi KShelton,

  In many cultures around the world, young love is seen as a wonderful time, though. In the Bible we're told there's a time when a man and a woman will leave parents for each other. (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5).

  The Watchtower likes to publish articles that take away personal freedoms for the sake of uniformity in order to better control its "publishers."
  
  The Watchtower doesn't approve of teenage dating
  https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/g200701/When-Can-I-Start-Dating/

  Despite the wishes of many parents, their children are going to experiment. Most schools have classes on sex ed. but the proverbial discussion about the birds and the bees is important, it might help.
  

  The comments from ExBethelitenowPIMA are something to keep in mind. Are the young man and woman ready to leave their parents and start a family together? If not, and it does lead to a sexual relationship, the lack of knowledge about protection might just throw them into a very life altering situation being young parents without a clue as to how to raise a child, give it up for adoption, or most likely the grandparents will raise the baby. Are you ready to raise another child?

  I agree with the comments about 13 being way to young to be in a relationship in the society we live in.

  (*My opinion--I was a PIMO elder, partaking of the emblems until I exited the 0rganization a few years back over the Watchtower saying Jesus was not everyone's Mediator, only for the 144000, now I just consider myself a Christian who follows Jehovah's Word and believes in Jesus Christ)