Kevin, you have a private message from me.
A Jehovah's Witness in a relationship with a non-Jehovah's Witness
by KShelton 27 Replies latest social family
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Nathan Natas
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joe134cd
If you’re happy with your son leaving the cult. I would discourage this relationship for practical reasons. Also remember the natural attrition rate for born in JWs leaving the religion in latter life is 66%. So I’m guessing your son is well on his way.
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peacefulpete
My 13 year self was silly crushing on a cute little girl. Trying to tell me not to would have been like telling me to not breath.
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ExBethelitenowPIMA
KSheltona day ago
Well, I know I didn't say this in my OP. The girl's dad and I said anytime they are together there will be an adult chaperone to prevent such things as pregnancy. When I was there for my son to meet the father, neither the girl nor my son seemed to know the first thing about being in a relationship. How to act. They were both trying very hard to show respect to the adults. Her dad and I noticed this.
This is why I think it would be a good idea. The kids need to learn how to be in a relationship at this age to know how to be in a REAL relationship later in life. If they learn now (as we did back in the 70's) then later relationships become easier to manage and not filled with all sorts of drama
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It sounds like you know this relationship will fail and you just want your son to have experience. That is unfair to the girl.
I wouldn’t want my daughter to be used like this.
The JW way really is a protection don’t mess around with peoples feelings.
only enter a romantic relationship if you are ready for marriage
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Balaamsass2
Are you sure you really want your children to become JWs? Take some time to acquaint yourself with ALL their doctrines first. A quick site for you and your wife to scan is: "JWfacts". A very condensed examination by a former Elder and headquarters worker.
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StephaneLaliberte
suggeting he ends his marriage just because she has a different view on the Bible. - ExBethelitenowPIMA
It's not about view point, its about who he is and who she is!
The OP said that he got into a heated argument with his wife on the idea that a JW can have a relationship with a non-JW. This is exactly what their own relationship is. Take away religion, let's use politics instead: A Republican father had a heated argument with his Democrat wife because she believes that their son will not be happy if he is with a Republican woman. How about this: "I'm an African, my wife and I fell in love when I was on a trip to America, but the other day, I heard my wife tell our kid that he won't be happy unless he marries a white American girl."
Am I starting to make some sense? How can you insist that a relationship is doomed to failure if your own couple is the living proof of the opposite? Unless she feels that the only reason she remains married is out of faithfulness to JW's standards of upholding a marriage, even if it means being unhappy for the rest of your life.
I believe that marriage is sacred, and you should work very, very hard to make it work. Constant communication, faithfulness, love, tenderness, all that jazz. But if you try all this and, after several years, the prevailing feeling is that there is no love, only commitment, no happiness, only obligations, then you are wasting your life away.
Let's assume here that the OPs marriage is just fine. They are both happy and and in love. Considering this, how can his wife have a "firm conviction" against interfaith relationships. If her point of view was, "Listen, if both believe in the same religion, it will be easier...", yes, she does have a point! But to be "firmly" against it when she, herself, is living in this sort of arrangement goes against the reality experience by both her and her husband.
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StephaneLaliberte
I'll even go a step further: I'm willing to bet that this woman loves her man, and they are indeed happy, but not as happy as they could be.
There is cognitive dissonance happening here due to the fact that Watchtower keeps repeating to her that inter-faith marriages don't work, despite her being in one!
If her husband forces her to confront that paradox, she will double down on one side over the other. If she doubles down on recognizing that she is in a happy, loving relationship, she will feel liberated, and this will result in even more love and happiness.
I've known a JW woman married to a non-JW. At the Kingdom Hall, many treated her as a victim. For years, I've seen her act as if she remained with him because "marriage is sacred." Then, when the man took his retirement, something changed; they did many more things together, and that loving spark grew between them until he passed away years later. My point is that all those 20-some years before that, she could have accepted the fact that she loved him and wasn't a victim of anything but love. They could've had 20 more years of that loving spark.
In the end, JWs say with their lips that "marriage is sacred," and then willingly destroy the joy, love, and happiness out of inter-faith marriages. You want to say that a marriage is sacred? Then make sure it is a priority in your life, and you keep that loving flame burning.
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waytodawn
Hi Kevin,
it's been a while since your post here.
I was basically raised as a JW and felt to young for any romantic relationship when I was 17...
not because I liked to... I was totally into a girl which was 3 year younger than me.
But my JW education told me to wait and keep calm until we both were in a age to be married.This is ridiculous.
The young one need to be able and free to explore their feelings. A 13 year old might be to young to marry... yes... but he or she needs to understand the own feelings... its difficult during puperty, yes... but why not let them explore it?
And the next thing is: yes... the other part of this relationship is not a Jehovas Witness... it is not a official requirement to marry only Jws. But you wont get any support if you do not marry within the organization. You wont get any privileges (because as a brother you cannot be a good head of the family, when the wife is a non JW).
Leave them be... let them make their own experience, just help them stay true to moral principals and the law if necessary.
I wish you guys luck...