by Shytears 30 Replies latest jw friends
Hey, Oro. That's great that you had balanced parents when you were a JW TEEN Whoopdee do!
So what makes you think that we would have done all those stupid things, we just wanted to lead normal lives.
Xander hit the nail on the head with his thoughts. I'm with him.
Give yourself a pat on the back, that you were so great, Eduardo
I feel like I missed out on youth in it's entirety. School plays, dances, proms, ballgames. The other witness kids in my school were such nerds. I was a nerd too, but I wasn't nerd enough to hang out with other loser nerds. I was a loner nerd.
I wasn't allowed to wear jeans to school. Always dress casual. So nerdy.
I had to ride the bus in senior high. Couldn't get rides from the girl next door, same class, same homeroom. She was worldy. No, can't drive when you can ride for free. Do you know what gas costs? (during the oil crisis) Besides that you shouldn't be alone with her in the car. Like she wanted to get it on with me, sheesh. It was special of her just to offer the ride. I think she felt sorry for me.
I wasn't allowed to go to the prom. Worldy kids dancing erotically and taking drugs behind the gym.
I wasn't allowed to go to the games. Worldy kids again. Competitive sports is not necessary for school education. Football games were on Friday. "You can't go anywhere on Friday. We have service in the morning. Have you prepared your presentation?"
I wasn't allowed to date. "Are you ready for marriage? Well, then, you don't need to be dating."
I wasn't taught any social skills. To this day, I feel anxious whenever in a social setting involving meeting new people or dealing with business associates. My wife taught me proper table manners at fine dining establishments. Hell, I'm surprised I ever got married.
I hated school. I hated everything about it. I thought. But actually I disliked myself. I couldn't fit in and be part of the experience and it made me unhappy. Looking back at being a witness and I see that I never liked myself as a witness. I feel better about myself now after fading away then I ever felt before. I can be me. I can speak my mind. I can think for myself. I don't have to fear a group of men who hide in a big city dispensing my life decisions for me. And I am starting to like myself.
I have to agree with Xander....being a witness teen sucked! Being a twenty-something witness sucked too! When I turned 30 a few years ago,I said enough is enough! I need some fun in my life!
LisaBobeesa's list pretty much sums it all up.Let me just add college to that list.My mother forced me(against the wishes of my juinor high guidance counselor) to go to a Vocational school so I could learn a trade,so that when I graduated I would be able to support myself so I could regular pioneer. College was out of the question,so I did the normal witness teen girl thing,and got married at 18.
I feel that I missed out on so much,especially socially.When I started a new job 6 years ago,I finally knew what it was like to develop normal relationships with people.I was able to make friends with people that had common interests.It was hard being a teen and having to have friendships forced on you.There was only a couple of kids in my hall that I felt close too.Other than religion,I didn't have much in commen with most of the witness kids.Plus you always had to have your guard up,for fear you would say or do something that they would tell on you about.Because they cared....right.
It would be great to relive being a teen,under normal circumstances.But since that can't happen,we all move on.Sometimes it depresses me,but I try to have fun in my life now.
And except for the pretenses and piles of guilt, we did the other stuff too - though ususally a bit later that the worldly kids.
This is what we call 'damning with faint praise'.
You proceed to claim that living through the teen years as a good JW wasn't really that bad, then go on to cite examples of how you DIDN'T live through your teen years as a 'good' JW.
DAMN! I mean, yeah, if you are going to act all worldly and stuff, yeah, the teen years ARE fun. That's kinda our point. Thanks!
Consider:
we had between 15 and 20 kids
Except that is now too big a group to properly manage. Parties that large are discouraged, etc.
we could get together after school.
Without a more mature witness supervising you?!? Not in out congregation! You might try some bad things like....
weekend motorcylce rides, dirt bikes when we were young, road when we were older
WHOAH! Stop right there! Sounds like 'thrill sports' - specifically banned in the Awake! (Which defined 'thrill sports' as pretty much anything that you could get hurt doing that didn't offer some kind of benefit for participating in, like at least exercise or something)
the worldly kids to basketball or football
Bzzt! Nope, competitive sports are also verboten. Young People Ask article, IIRC. Spirit of competition = spirit of satan. Hence, in JW sports events, no keeping score, either. Playing for fun and exercise is the only valid reason to do anything other than preaching, don't you know?
The girls were collectively the prettiest I've ever known
Wait, you associated with girls? That you weren't ready to marry?
Some were followed by the obligatory JC
And thus, my point.
You can't lead a 'good JW' teen life and expect to come out happy and even partly 'normal' - it just isn't possible.
Compare that to a 'good worldly person' teen life.
I think your post actually gives me another comment to direct at Oro:
See, Oro, there are 'good' and 'bad' worldly people. (IE., there aren't all 'bad', as the watchtower would have you believe). There are also 'good' and 'bad' witnesses. *cough*Buster*cough*.
If you live a wild and crazy life, it doesn't matter if you are a JW or not, bad things may happen. OTOH, if you live a sensible life and make good decisions, again, it doesn't matter if you are a JW or not, you will do okay.
Being a JW offers no more protection than any of a dozen other religions or simply a smart upbringing. I have a few coworkers who are quite atheist and their kids are growing up happy as clams and making quite rational decisions for themselves.
POINT: This is, in fact, the 'norm'.
Living a 'smart' life is not the monopoly of the JWs. Surely, you can't be so blind as to miss that? I mean, you MUST have coworkers, classmates, whatever (don't know your exact age), you can compare with. I'm sure you'll find MOST of them are quite happy. Are there a few who have a rough time of it? Caught something nasty? Been involved in some bad things? Yeah, there are a few. I challenge you to find me a single JW congregation that doesn't have a single member who has done or experienced the same things even after being baptized.
Boy did I miss out in being a Jehovah's Witness as a teen!I missed out on getting a girl pregnant in High School.
I missed out on driving her home from the abortion clinic.
I missed out on getting drunk and flipping my car in a ditch killing my best friend.
I missed out on stabbing that bully a few grades ahead.
I missed out on the disappointment of not getting what i wanted for X-mas or the envy of richer kids...
I missed out on blowing my hearing at a Def Leppard concert.
I missed out on the whole "teen angst" thing and wondering what is life all about.
I missed out on hating authority and wondering why there is so much evil, pain and suffering in the world.
In fact I missed out on losing my faith in God and Christ because of all of these things.
Boy did i miss out on a lot!
--Eduardo
Perhaps the worst thing about growing up a JW was that we were constantly fed this nonsense, that that's how people in the world behaved. There were no grey areas, there was just "the truth" and "the world". Everyone who was not "in the truth" was "worldly" and therefore "bad association". Those who made fun of your strange religion and antisocial behaviour were "persecuting" you, those who were friendly to you were even worse because if you weren't careful, they would take you away from Jehovah, apparently either by getting you to smoke or to participate in team sports. Eventually, most of them stopped trying to be friends.
Lucky for you that you missed out on "the whole 'teen angst' thing", Eduardo. Some of us weren't so lucky. Maybe you didn't feel the guilt when you masturbated; the awkwardness after Christmas when classmates asked you what you got; the loneliness of having no real friends your own age; the overwhelming embarrassment from knocking on a door on a Saturday morning wearing a suit, and it being opened by one of your classmates, or worse, a girl you liked; the complete cluelessness when you eventually entered the adult world and had no idea what was going on, no way to distinguish good people from bad. Well, I did. I felt them all. I wish I'd missed out on that.
I feel I missed out on my Senior Prom. That is the one thing I regret. I was living a double life in high school and I had a worldly boyfriend at 16. He did not attend my school, he was an older man! 19 years old...LOL I wanted to go to my prom with him but I could not see how I could hide this one. I had Witness friends at school and I am sure everyone would have found out. I guess I could have went but, I was too afraid of what people would think of me. Oh well, I am over it now but if I could go back I would do it all over again and attend my prom.
Xander,
I think the point I was trying to make was that not all congregations were as oppressive as others. I suppose there are all sorts of possible reasons, ranging from the parents' force of personality to the varying invasiveness of the elders, led by the PO.
No, I don't think I was a bad JW teen. I sure as hell wasn't some shining example. But I went in service regularly. I preached to friends and neighbors - even brought one into the truth. I prepared for, and commented at meetings. I tried sincerely to live to a high value. The same applied pretty much to all of us. These were good kids.
But I'll say it again, we, as a group, had leeway to have fun while growing up. We had holier-than-thou friends, we had a couple friends that had an uncanny knack to get hold of beer, and others in between.
You can judge if you want to label us 'good' or 'bad' teen-dubbies. But most of the boys are now elders, and I can't be sure, but I may be the only one 'out.' Growing up in the Franklin MA hall wasn't hell for most of us.
Birthdays did. I missed out totally on that. Never had one. Still have not. I would not know what to do or how to act.
Wow teenyuck, somebody who's not even one year old is posting on this board. (still have not had a birthday). You're a lot more advanced than my little ones were.
OK, joking and smartass mode off and back to the subject. I don't know that I have much in the way of regrets.
Not a lot was normal about my high school life anyway, so I can't blame everything on the JWs. I went to two high schools at the same time (half day each), neither was the one for my neighborhood. So I spent a lot of time on buses. Usually between 3 and 4 hours/day. That didn't give me a lot of time to hang out with my friends because everyone at school lived in another part of town.
I was pestered by the Freshman football coach to join the football team and I really wanted to. Being a computer nerd in high school, this would have elevated my social status. My parents wouldn't let me because it would interfere with meetings and I could get hurt. In retrospect, glad I didn't join. Instead I concentrated on the computers (something sports would have taken away) and am happy with where it has led me and with my career.
I can't say for certain that I would have tried drugs or had sex. Like I said, I was a computer nerd after all. I know because of being a JW, I did stay away from a lot of trouble. But it's hard to say whether I would have stayed away from it if I was never a JW.
After high school, living a double-life in my early 20s, I got into most of the things my parents tried to keep me away from. Not to excess to where it ruled my life. But I managed to check one sin after another off the list. And I think, being a little older, I was able to handle those things with a little more maturity than if I had tried them as a teen.
JW rules can be applied differently. Some parents acted on every little suggestion. Any "caution" meant a ban. They had their kids on a very short leash. Other parents were more flexible. JW or not, my parents would have probably had similar rules about what was allowed and who I hung out with. But like I said, they were flexible. They thought college was a good idea for my field - they just couldn't afford it. They let me have and hang out with worldly friends. So maybe if I had no real regrets it's because of my parents.
I feel I missed out on my Senior Prom
Have you seen that car comercial were the car being advertised is driven through a sort of 'prom town' with kids all over the town all dressed up and dancing, and the stores are all tuxedo rental places, etc.....and the sign on the edge of the town says "Now Leaving HIGH SCHOOL"
If you have seen it, you know what I mean. Anyway, that stupid comercial makes me so sad. The song they used in the comercial (Forever Young) was even the theme of my missed senior prom.
You can judge if you want to label us 'good' or 'bad' teen-dubbies.
*I'm* not judging you. I'm just saying that, by the society's literature, you WERE 'bad' JWs.
And my point has always been that worldly people (whether they are bona-fide 100% worldly, or just JWs 'sitting on the fence') have a normal childhood/teen years.
'Good' JWs do not.
I'm not arguing with you or anything, it's just that your example doesn't really apply here, as you weren't a 'by the book' JW.
The point that Oro was making is that a 'by the book JW' (assuming he is thinking this as his quote is almost verbatim out of the YPA articles) can still have a fun, normal teen life. They cannot. While, at the same time, he is implying that worldly people all go live lives of hedonism and end up suffering, which is also demonstrably not true.
