OMG yessssss.....if I could go back and relive it , I am sure I would have turned out at least half way normal. Sure, it kept me out of trouble, but I was the biggest nerd in the universe I am sure. Remember them recommending that we bring literature to school and put it on the corner of our desk as a way to witness? Or being told to make the school our "territory"???
Do u feel u missed out being a JW Teen?
by Shytears 30 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Oroborus21
Boy did I miss out in being a Jehovah's Witness as a teen!
I missed out on getting a girl pregnant in High School.
I missed out on driving her home from the abortion clinic.
I missed out on getting drunk and flipping my car in a ditch killing my best friend.
I missed out on stabbing that bully a few grades ahead.
I missed out on the disappointment of not getting what i wanted for X-mas or the envy of richer kids...
I missed out on blowing my hearing at a Def Leppard concert.
I missed out on the whole "teen angst" thing and wondering what is life all about.
I missed out on hating authority and wondering why there is so much evil, pain and suffering in the world.
In fact I missed out on losing my faith in God and Christ because of all of these things.
Boy did i miss out on a lot!
--Eduardo
OK to be fair I won't stop there. The fact is that I have to confess that I did not have a typical JW teen-hood. My parents who have been in the truth since 1948 always let me have complete autonomy in most of my life. My father an elder even let me play sports, etc. When I was ten years old he stepped down from being an elder and for the next decade--my entire teen years-until I went to college he was not very active. (they are since very active again). So during my teen years, I had a strange existence. I didn't drink, smoke, use drugs, have sex, etc.so I was a "goody two shoes" to my worldly friends (the only kind I had) and at the same time I was somewhat ostracized by the congregation because I played sports, was involved in clubs, prom, homecoming, dances, etc. etc. and went to college years before it was "officially OK'd".
Nevertheless with all the whining about how terrible it was from many folks that they "missed out" on their teen life I thought I would add some "balance" to the picture.
BEing a teen was great but it wasn't always. JW teens don't have a monopoly on good times or bad times and neither do non-JW teens.
Stop griping and whining and move on to whatever makes you happy today.
-Eduardo
-
freedom96
Absolutely missed out. Missed high school sports, dating, school dances, friends that I could not have because they were not witnesses.
It sucked. But I lived, and will not let it affect my future. They took the past........... but no more!
-
Xander
Well, Oro, you are an idiot for buying into what the JWs tell you will happen to those who aren't 'in' the org. Let me take my high school class as an example. 300 students. So, how did those 299 non-JWs make it through high school?
I missed out on getting a girl pregnant in High School.
Ding! Only 1 pregnancy.
I missed out on driving her home from the abortion clinic.
Oops, sorry, wasn't an abortion.
I missed out on getting drunk and flipping my car in a ditch killing my best friend.
Hmmm...nope, none of those.
I missed out on stabbing that bully a few grades ahead.
No stabbings, either.
I missed out on the disappointment of not getting what i wanted for X-mas or the envy of richer kids...
Errr....don't even know what to say here. I guess I'll just say: it's not like you think. Giving is a LOT more fun than getting, and you always know what you give. Unless, of course, you are a greedy, materialistic bastard. Then, I could see this being a problem, but....
Oh, fine, I'll due the comparison again. How many kids bitched at not getting what they wanted? Hmmm...maybe....1 in 10? So, roughly 30?
I missed out on blowing my hearing at a Def Leppard concert.
But, anyway, nope, no non-JWs managed to lose their hearing at a concert in my class.
I missed out on the whole "teen angst" thing and wondering what is life all about.
Yeah, actually, you did miss out on that. I'd say, all non-JW teens did that, and were MUCH better for it. What's better? To wonder what life is about? Or have someone spoonfeed lies to you about it?
I missed out on hating authority and wondering why there is so much evil, pain and suffering in the world.
Hey, no one said you had to be a christian non-JW. Still, most are, so you get a big chunk of the class there.
In fact I missed out on losing my faith in God and Christ because of all of these things.
Sorry, bub, they don't exist and I think you know that.
Boy did i miss out on a lot!
Well, yeah, you did.
So, what was the typical classmate actually DOING instead of all those things you THINK they were doing? (IE., what did you ACTUALLY miss out on?):
- A normal social life
- A realistic outlook on the world and where it's going
- A chance to make REAL friends who won't abandon you when you need them the most (big one, here!)
- A chance to question things and find answers for yourself
- Feeling the thrill of competitive sports!
- Triumphing in an academic team of some kind!
- Know that you really can make a difference in the world without having to rely on some invisible friend.
-
Gopher
Orobus,
Thanks for telling us how to think and feel! We're ALL BETTER now!!
-- JEFF
-
lisaBObeesa
Yeah, it sucked. I really hated it.
Yes, there were some good things…like I was raised with morals and so on…
But then there were the ‘no’s:
No dances
No friends who were not JWs (= no friends)
No sports
No clubs
No drama
No boys
No parties
No music that I liked
No choice in what I believed
No big hoop earrings and no straight skirts (1986)
No after school activities
No rides home from school from non-JWs (=no rides)
No concerts
No Prom
No Grad Night
No ‘going out with friends’
No phone calls over 15 minutes ( I swear!)
No two-piece swim suits (and now those days are gone forever, damn it!!!)
Even all-JW parties or get-togethers were suspect!
I can sum it up: NO FUN!!! Anything that was fun for a teenager to do I was not allowed to do it. I am not kidding.
And now, my two cents:
I moved out as soon as I turned 18, and let my story be a warning to young JWs looking to escape: I went crazy with freedom and got myself into trouble that still affects my life, 15 years later. I made terrible choices over and over with relationships and parties. I am lucky to be alive. I never graduated from college. I was not ready to be on my own. I ended up working my fingers to the bone to support myself, and then every free second off work I spent at a party. Now I still work my fingers to the bone, and there aint no parties. But I am working hard to better my life, for myself and my kids.
To any teen who is planning to leave the JWs and move out the second they turn 18:
As much as you may want to bolt out the door, take you time. Plan things out. Try to go to college first, if you can. Be ready to work really hard to turn your life out. Try not to burn your bridges. Understand that you are not all grown up when you turn 18. Understand that your parents love you. Understand that we all need help in life and make sure you have some support. And when you do leave home and go out on your own, consider getting professional help to work through issues around being raised a JW.
Do what you need to do, but BE SMART.
If you were raised like I was, then you have not learned some things about relationships and the world, and you are at a disadvantage out there. Take you time and be careful.
If I could go back in time and be 18 again, I think I still would still leave home, but I would be much more careful and smart. And I wouldn't go to so many parties.
Peace,
LisaBObeesa
See below for LisaBobeesa’s Diary from when she was 16 years old and really feeling sorry for herself. (I’m getting over that now.) J
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/15901/192771/post.ashx#192771
-
willdabeerman
oh yea. i missed out on alot. like everyone else said...fun. its obvious we all had no fun in a jw teenagerhood(not sure if real word).i for one went off deep end when i got out.got married to someone i barely knew. that was miserable.but i saw it as "growing up". well after that marriage ended miserably....since i was denied so much as a child and a teen, i did not know how to handle it.I acted as if i was a lil zit faced snotty nose teen ager...( i was 22).if i wasent so shielded from the real world this marriage would have never happened. i would have (gasp) dated. u know actually see who ur compatabile (sp) with. i just setteled because thats what i was supposed to do in a perfect bs jw world.well anyway. it made me stronger as a person,a non jw person.
-
Buster
Its balancing opinion time.
The congregation I grew up in had a load of kids in my sisters' and my age range. Depending on how and when you counted, we had between 15 and 20 kids. We often needed a ride to get together when we were young. But not necessarily. A lot of my friends lived within a reasonable bike ride, or we could get together after school.
We would get together for weekend motorcylce rides, dirt bikes when we were young, road when we were older. We did everything the other kids did - except partiicipate in organized sports and other school events. I missed that stuff. But we had some athletes and could go to a playground and challenge the worldly kids to basketball or football. We did real well at b-ball, except when we went into the city and got our butts kicked.
A couple of those guys were the funniest people I ever met. The girls were collectively the prettiest I've ever known - to this day, 25 years later.
And except for the pretenses and piles of guilt, we did the other stuff too - though ususally a bit later that the worldly kids. We had parties all the time, whenever we wanted. Some were followed by the obligatory JC, but what the hell, that is another thread.
Oh, and you wanna know something else: At least three of us went to college. I was first and I got a letter of reccomendation from the PO. And this was in the 70's.
Finally, hello Laura. If you've been posintg lately, I've been missing them.
-
Abaddon
I missed out on getting a girl pregnant in High School.
That's got nothing to do with being a Witness. Other religions proscribe sex before marriage and you can avoid pregnancy c.99% of the time if you are smart or informed enough to use birth control. NEXT.
I missed out on driving her home from the abortion clinic.
Again, nothing to do with being a Witness. NEXT.
I missed out on getting drunk and flipping my car in a ditch killing my best friend.
No, that's got nothing to do with being a Witness, that's everything to do with not being dumb and irresponsible. NEXT.
I missed out on stabbing that bully a few grades ahead.
Nothing to do with being a Wtiness, everything to do with not being a sociopath. NEXT.
I missed out on the disappointment of not getting what i wanted for X-mas or the envy of richer kids...
Oh, please, is that a quote from g78, 2/15, p.23?. Do you have your own opinions? NEXT.
I missed out on blowing my hearing at a Def Leppard concert.
You don't have any idea what you're talking about, do you? I have sat in the press pit at the front of an Def Leppard gig in a small 700 capacity hall, and I hear fine. I have spent entire Sundays in a room 12' x 12' with a drum kit, a bass going through a 50 watt amp, a keycoard going through a 35 watt amp, a guitar going through a 60 watt combi, and another going through a 2x12" Marshall, with me screaming through a 15 watt amp trying to be heard, and my hearing is fine. You obviously have way too much store in Awake! editorial accuracy. NEXT.
I missed out on the whole "teen angst" thing and wondering what is life all about.
Liar. Or you are a unique person. Or you are kidding yourself. NEXT.
I missed out on hating authority and wondering why there is so much evil, pain and suffering in the world.
Er, you mean you accepted the JW 'reasons' for these things. And JW's despise worldly authority, albeit whilst paying lip-service. If you think that's a good thing, fine. NEXT.
In fact I missed out on losing my faith in God and Christ because of all of these things.
Oh, I found scienece, history, and actually reading the Bible helped me lose my faith in god and Jesus. NEXT.
Boy did i miss out on a lot!
Yes, you did, and the sooner you stop playing make believe the better.
I wouldn't argue that my childhood as a JW was all bad. My parents were liberal for Dubbies. They travelled and stayed with brothers and sister in Europe and America. It did seem to me as a child that it was cool to be a Witness. But only through internal logic without an external viewpoint.
They still warned me, at 14, about sexual immorality, when going to stay with the family of a 'wordly' business associate of my father's, as he had two daughters. Aged 8 and 10. Normal? Nah.
They never once encouraged me academically, as it 'wasn't worthwhile'. When I DID go to University, my regret was that I didn't do it earlier, as I missed out on that fantastic experienece when it could have had a greater impact on my choices of career.
I was actively discouraged from forming any attachment to any woman without intending to marry her, and when I clulessly got involved in the 'courting' sense, with a JW woman that a small amoount of experience with relationships would have told me was poison, I didn;t see the danger signs and though my parents opposition to marrying a sister in good standing was ridiculous, so much so I rushed into marriage hastily.
Good thing I wasn't like the poor, poor person from a nearby congregation. He was a she. Dangly bits, yes, but the most feminine man possible, as obvious a case of someone for whom gender reassignment is a good idea as you can get.
But, he was told that to even want such a thing was terrible, and that no one having such a procedure could really be considered anything other than an outcast, and that if he acted on his assigned gender, he'd be kicked out.
It was also great how the nice, group congregational activities we had in the early seventies were slowly 'banned'. Very good for helping people raise kids and have young people develop normally.
Yeah, we missed out. Revise your history. Put on those rose-tints. I'd rather not.
A cult is a cult. Trying to make out kids can grow up normally in a cult is dumb.
You might be at the sweet end of the bell curve, statistically speaking. Great for you. But open your eyes to what the normal experience was.
-
Fe2O3Girl
Hi Laura
I am 31 now, and I got out when I was 22. Unfortunately by then I had been dunked and married a JW. I escaped from both situations with a short taxi ride. After that I did go a bit mad with my new freedom, but I must be a big disappointment to the WT, because I am not dead, addicted to drugs, on the game, have never been pregnant, never had an abortion, no criminal convictions and still have my hearing [:D]
As far as my teenage years go - yes, I do feel I missed out. I missed out on the normal things that are part of social development - dating, going to school dances and so on. I did have some friends on the outside, but inevitably those friendships could only function on a superficial level. That said, although teenage years are usually a significant part of your development, in reality, they are a short part of your life, and you can make up for a lot later - without hurting yourself. I did. But I still wonder how things would have turned out if I'd have managed not to get sucked in so deep. I could not ask for more in my life now, so, things turned out OK in the end.
I remember your previous posts, and I know that you are desperate for some freedom.
LisaBoBeesa said
As much as you may want to bolt out the door, take you time. Plan things out. Try to go to college first, if you can. Be ready to work really hard to turn your life out. Try not to burn your bridges. Understand that you are not all grown up when you turn 18. Understand that your parents love you. Understand that we all need help in life and make sure you have some support. And when you do leave home and go out on your own, consider getting professional help to work through issues around being raised a JW.
Do what you need to do, but BE SMART.
If you were raised like I was, then you have not learned some things about relationships and the world, and you are at a disadvantage out there. Take you time and be careful.
If I could go back in time and be 18 again, I think I still would still leave home, but I would be much more careful and smart. And I wouldn't go to so many parties.
Brilliant, brilliant advice. "Hang in there for a few more years" is probably not what you want to hear right now, but long term, it may be for the best.
Do you have a school counselor you could talk to? I know it is a long shot, but have you talked to your parents? I don't mean "confessing" everything - just to try to explain how you feel? I know it is a long shot.......but you never know..............
Good luck, ((((((Laura)))))). I hope you can work things out.