I lost my sister today

teejay

My mother has six children, all of whom she raised in The Truth™. Over the years, all of us (with the exception of my older brother) have either left the Org behind or got df'd and never bothered to return. Until now.

Today, out of the blue, my baby sister emailed me to say that she's back to attending all the meetings and even when out in service last Saturday. Although I'm not totally shocked, I *am* surprised. Although I always had the feeling that she was still brainwashed, I never thought she'd ever go back.

Funny how life is, ain't it?
Here I was, thinking I'd probably never ever be a 'dub' again, let alone a good one! Still ain't got being a "good" one down yet, but it's something to reach for.
You know I never stopped believing that there is where the 'truth' is, I just felt like I didn't belong. I know what life is like "outside" and I know what life is like "inside" and I know what the future holds. I want to see my grandmothers and my daddy again.
Be happy for me bro,
It's a good thing.

Reading her words were almost as bad as if she'd told me she went to the doctor and discovered she had cancer. I'm a little stunned. God bless my sister.

nilfun

I'm at a loss for words Teejay, except to say that I'm so sorry you're hurting and experiencing this loss.

(((TJ)))

edited to add:

I was sitting here thinking about my siblings (none of us are involved with JW stuff anymore) and I felt sick as I imagined one of them going back to the hall. I would be devastated...sincerely sympathizing with you here, Teejay...

SheilaM

Teejay:

I am so sorry, I know I felt so bad when my sister went back to her abusive husband it kept us apart for so many years. But what can one do, encourage what we know is a self-destructive way of life? Maybe she'll realize it was them not her that doesn't ring true. Maybe she'll realize that what she wants and is looking for is within her not an organization nor a building. Chin up there is hope she obviously loves you to send you what she did and I truly believe love prevails!

OUTLAW

Hey teejay,you lost your sister? Maybe not bud.Give her a while.When reality sets in,she may be out for good..Lets hope for the best.....OUTLAW

Brummie

Sorry to hear this Teejay, must be real gutting.

As way of encouragement there has been little change in the Org so I believe your sister will still not feel she belongs when she goes back. Maybe its just a fad out of desperation. Hope she finds something better and more liberating in the near future.

Take care

Brummie

Scully

Teejay:

It's hard seeing someone you care about going back to the JWs, especially when you know how hard their life is going to become as a result of it. She sounds as though she has a struggle ahead of her trying to attain a "good enough" standing before Jehovah. Hopefully they will not browbeat her with guilt and shame, the way they do with almost everyone.

Even though you may feel that you've lost her to the dubs right now, perhaps she is going back out of a sense of security - having ALL the answers is a powerful motivator, as is the thought that she will one day be reunited with loved ones who have passed away.

She will appreciate it if you are supportive of her decision, but you can also let her know that it makes you fearful that your relationship will deteriorate because of differing religious opinions. Let her know that you don't want to "lose" her that way, and see if she would be willing to maintain a relationship with you that doesn't include any "spiritual" overtones. Try to remember that she is operating at a level that she feels is best for her, and let her know that no matter what, you will always love her and always be there for her. Also, assure her that if she ever needs someone to talk to confidentially (ie, someone who will not rat her out to the elders) she can count on you for that.

And that, my friend, is the best you can do, if you want to keep her in your life.

Love, Scully

LB

Thats really a shame. She sounds so unhappy. That is who the witnesses draw, unhappy people. Always looking for the "truth" and easy answers. I wish her the best.

LyinEyes

I agree with the others, maybe in time she will also see what is going on in the JW, even more clearly now that she has been out for awhile. She seems to care deeply for you and I am sure she knows you will stand by her side on whatever she has decided to do.

I think it is nice to have family that even thou they choose to stay in, and you are out, at least express their love for you. In my case my Dad , hasnt spoken to me in a year, and can't bring himself to send a card, or phone to see if I am dead or alive. I guess , he considers me dead, and that's the end of that.

I hope you can help your sister to be free from the WT, it seems that you might still be able to keep her informed and in time she will leave for good.

teejay

To me, when it comes to truly escaping the mindset of Dub-dom, the analogy of slavery always comes to mind. Following the Civil War when the slaves were set free, some of them found life as free men and free women too difficult and returned to the plantation where they found life not much different than before. Some of these lived for the rest of their lives and died as virtual slaves, never having really tasted freedom.

I see my sister as a slave who's returned to the BS of the Watchtower Society to feed at their miserable trough of "truth." Yeah, it's hard having to think for yourself and living without having all the answers all the time. But still. I can't imagine, knowing what I know and learning what I've learned, of ever going back to that.

She will appreciate it if you are supportive of her decision, but you can also let her know that it makes you fearful that your relationship will deteriorate because of differing religious opinions. Let her know that you don't want to "lose" her that way, and see if she would be willing to maintain a relationship with you that doesn't include any "spiritual" overtones. Try to remember that she is operating at a level that she feels is best for her, and let her know that no matter what, you will always love her and always be there for her. Also, assure her that if she ever needs someone to talk to confidentially (ie, someone who will not rat her out to the elders) she can count on you for that.

And that, my friend, is the best you can do, if you want to keep her in your life. -- Scully

Thanks, Scully. We're thinking along the same lines. Here's part of what I wrote back:

The Truth™ isn't for everybody but it definitely is for some. I've known for a long time that there are genuine advantages to being a Witness and if you feel that's what you truly want, then I'm very happy for you. (What affect, if any, will this have on [your sons that still live at home?])

I remember the deeply comforting feeling of having most of the big questions answered; the fellowship of people who thought like I did and believed what I did; and a confidence about the future. I just hope you don't go overboard and become like [our hard-core JW brother] and begin to shun us, but if you do I will understand.

One thing I have in my favor is that my sister is head over heels in love with my daughter and comes to visit every chance she gets. I can't see Sis shunning us any time soon.

Gamaliel

teejay,

That's not the best news, but if she knew you at all, she's already got a head start towards "cognitive dissonance." I hope it doesn't last too long. My only brother left shortly after I did, and my only sister a couple years after that. We're all fine now. I'm hoping for a happy ending with you and yours, too.

Gamaliel

I lost my sister today

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