Should I let my kids visit my JW parents? (page 4)

blackout

I would tell them they can only see your kids under your supervision, also perhaps at neutral ground like a playground or the beach. That way they get to spend time together but there is no conflict.

A Paduan

Only in your presence - strictly, and until they are grown
By association with jwism your parents are untrustworthy, no matter what they say, as they prove by their daily betrayal in favour of the org
Their need to "limit their association" with you is indeed an illness
Your children that your parents aren't just particularly nasty or something, they just became sick that's all
It's because of the sickness that they can't be trusted
Your child's freedom is important - your parents could have had such a life but gave it away

Mulan

i am a paretn and granparent. I for my part, would only let them see the kids, if i could be there too. That way u can be sure they will not 'study" with them.

Amen to that.

I strongly recommend you NOT let them be alone with your children. They are YOUR children, and you set the rules. Do NOT trust them to do what you ask. They don't have to, because they are in a war. Remember that??

calamityjane

Joanna brought out the point to set the grounds rules with the grandparents.

I just wanted to add to my post of yesterday. When I talked to my mom after the hospital incident. I told her point blank that she could not try to influence my daughter in any way, ANYMORE. That if she wanted to see my kids that she would have to abide by my wishes, treat them equally, blah blah, blah.

I left the conversation that the ball was in her court, and that she could call me anytime to see the children. Well its been a year, she has chosen not to call.

teejay

Tough question, Nappy.

First, I hafta say that all situations are different, all families are different, all JWs are different. There is no universal answer to this hard question.

I'm sorry for those that had bad experiences with their JW parents in this situation, but denying them the chance to see their grandchildren is wrong, IMO. We exes make such a big deal of being shunned by our families and Mom and Dad not wanting to even see our kids and quess what?!! The first chance we get -- we turn around and do the same thing.

As it's been said, I'd lay some ground rules and insist they be followed. I'd also follow up to make sure no (or a minimal amount) of indoctrination has occurred. But to deny my children the association of their grandparents is wrong. At least it would be for me. I have absolutely NO PROBLEM with my JW mother (family) or church-going mother-in-law (and in-laws) spending as much time as they want with my daughter. In fact, I insist on it.

A Paduan

I have absolutely NO PROBLEM with my JW mother (family) or church-going mother-in-law (and in-laws) spending as much time as they want with my daughter.

I would - I'd prefer my kids didn't end up posting on ex-jw boards - properly innoculate your kids about jwism and things of that ilk as they grow - and don't leave them alone with their grandparents.

kat_newmas

Aroarer--- thank you for that last quote... I have been trying to find that. the one about "if my own parents foresake me".... what scripture is that?... I mean I cant quote the internet when I shoot my parents "reasoning" down with it.

PurpleV

But, you know, dubs feel this overwhelming sense of entitlement to whatever it is they want to do -- after all, this is their earth we're living on, and the rest of us are just taking up space until God wipes us out.

I think I'm gonna frame that quote.

All of the replies you got were wonderful. So much wisdom from experience.

You have to ask yourself, if you allow visitation and your children see how you are shunned, and then they grow to have affection for their grandparents, then how is it not OK to shun? How can your kids see that it's OK for the grandma and grandpa that they love to shun their dad? I don't think you want them learning that that kind of behavior is acceptable on any level.

Tough stuff. Small comfort, but you're not alone.

Mulan

I'm sorry for those that had bad experiences with their JW parents in this situation, but denying them the chance to see their grandchildren is wrong, IMO. We exes make such a big deal of being shunned by our families and Mom and Dad not wanting to even see our kids and quess what?!! The first chance we get -- we turn around and do the same thing.

We aren't talking about shunning. We are talking about letting grandparents have unsupervised access to vulnerable children. There is a BIG difference. If I thought my parents were a danger to my children on any level, JW or not, I would limit the exposure to them, and insist I be present at all times. No exceptions.

dedalus

Yeah, what Mulan said.

Should I let my kids visit my JW parents?

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