Is this a place for children?

by xenawarrior 188 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Seven

  Dear Utopian and Vash too,

  I am the moderator that entered chat to specifically speak with your daughter after reading her intro post, discovering her age, then looking up and seeing her in chat. I was a bit concerned considering the adult nature of some of our conversations and how a young lady of twelve might react to it.

  I did not order her to leave, but asked if she would "reconsider" staying in the room until I had the chance to speak with you(Utopian). If you would have entered chat and said you knew she was in there, then there wouldn't have been much for me to say(considering the guidelines). She can tell you what was said between the two of us. I promised her I'd email her tomorrow and I will keep that promise. She was very polite, as I tried to be polite to her. I'm truly sorry if it was my request that made her cry. :(

  I didn't get the chance to speak with you before this thread was started so here we are. It was a judgment call on my part and if you question Vash I did not tell her she could not chat or could not post. I just wanted to hear it from you first that it was okay to chat with a room full of adults.

  I wish you'd have second thoughts about depriving the forum of you and your daughter's company. I'd like to get to know you both.

  seven
• 

  not interested

  PR_

  if IF Vashes mother allowed her to be there then its her moms responibility to deal with anything that was said.

  Simon isnt responcible for for that,

  what i was saying is that if i were a parent i would not allow my children in a chat room and if i did i would be sitting right next to them watching what was going on.

  I want there (since i havent been able to get into chat for some damn reason) so i dont know what happpened im just giving my opionion and thats all it is
• 

  Simon

  It's difficult (well, impossible) to verify ages and I would hate to limit who could read the site because one 12, 13 or 14 year old will be totally different to another. Ultimately, it's upto the parents what their children are allowed to look at online.

  I would hope that people could be responsible enough to post reasonable stuff and tone things down if there were minors present.
• 

  RandomTask

  I mean, I would think it would get to a point to where it became no use to even have a board if there had to be so many sanctions put upon reading it and membership. Its like most forms of entertainment, you would hope that parents are keeping tabs and controlling what their children can have access to, but then again, what those limits are are up to the individual parent.

  I can see how it would make people uncomfortable to have some of their stuff read by minors, but I don't think you should be too nervous about it. There is just so much you can't control and most everyone here behaves themselves in a manner that normal people would in public, even with all the disagreement that goes on.
• 

  Seven

  It strikes me odd though that after she mentioned that ALL the people she once knew, loved, and considered friends, she was still asked to leave.

  pr,

  I hope you understand that common sense not the lack of compassion was the reasoning behind my asking Vash to call it a night until I spoke with her Mom.

  7

  Scootergirl,

  THANK YOU!

  7
• 

  pr_capone

  SW33T!!!!!! Someone replied to something I said in this thread!!!!!!!!

  We are definately in agreement then NI!

  As far as I can tell, Vash had permission to be on the forum in all aspects... including chat.

  I would probably do the same thing as you man... I would be sitting right next to my kid watching what they were reading what they were.

  Apparently, UR feels that her daughter is grown-up enough to be here so we should respect her decision as a mother.

  Kansas District Overbeer
• 

  xenawarrior

  Simon: I hope that my postings in this thread have not inferred that somehow you should be filtering memberships or checking ages etc. I do not mean that at all. That would be a nightmare and an exercise in futility. That is not what I suggested at all.

  I concur that it is up to parents.

  I would hope that people could be responsible enough to post reasonable stuff and tone things down if there were minors present.

  I think we can all agree that people would be. Thing is- sometimes you don't know they are minors. The child in question here did not tell folks as they came into the chat room that she was 12. It came out when she was asked her age. So it's not always apparent that there are minors present.

  And yes, again, it's up to the parents. And if their children are going to be here unsupervised, maybe part of the responsibility would be for them to inform everyone of their age- each person.

  XW
• 

  pr_capone

  Seven - I can completely understand your motives and agree with your thinking. What amazed me though were the comments that some made such as... "Its not my turn to babysit... I'm outta here". That is not helping the situation at all but causing undo stress upon a new user. The situation could have easily been avoided by sending UR an email or toning the chat down for just one night.

  I think you did do a good job of defusing the situation. I do not think that Vash was upset with you asking her to call it a night but with other users there that night.

  Kansas District Overbeer
• 

  unclebruce

  AH Xena baby there you went :)

  Yes, first of all I have a 14 year old who is happy and quite well adjusted, thank you. She has been around people from all walks of life and all ages since she was a baby. I also started talking to her about "the facts of life" at around 4 and have continued talking to her about it depending on her age at the time. She is also quite mature for her age. Does that mean that I want her in a chat room with adults? Nope. Does that make me an "old woman"? Perhaps in your estimation- no matter to me.

  Farkel is great with kids. (and my girls at 15 would have given the big softy at least as much as they got .. they certainly wouldn't have been traumatised by some grumpy ol' coot slinging a few reality bites their way) "old woman" is the thinking type that comes to mind with some of the censorship people here. thanks for cluing me in about your 14 year old Xena (my respect for you and your coments has just risen imeasurably) It's your decsision what your kids see on the nett Xena. People who deem to tell others how to raise thier kids have always rung alarm bells in me. You missed my point Uncle Bruce. I know Farkel is great with kids. I didn't say he wasn't. I happen to like Farkel- I wasn't dissing him. The point I was making is that if a child is posting, it may not be apparant that they are a child and the response they may get may be one that they may not be prepared to handle. Adults on this board need to be thick skinned- it's just the way it is. If this child was so greatly and adversaly affected by what was happening in the chat room, there is no reason for me to expect that she'd be able to handle someone posting actual harshness towards her in a post because they don't know her age. You was kinda dissing Farkel though wasn't ya lol. .. no, i see what you're saying and it makes perfect sense to me .. it always feels uneasy having kids in the chatroom (us degenerates being ewhat we are) but i think the chatroom is a very different thing to the main forum here. From what i've seen in the chatroom, kids have been well protected by responsible adults here There is no fallacy in my claim Uncle Bruce. It's my opinion and I'm entitled to it. The post I linked to was to point out how old she was. I had no problem with that post at all. And I have no problem with the occasional posting by children on this board in the same manner. What I have a problem with is active participation by them in a realm they may not be ready for and as adults I don't believe it's our responsible to walk on eggshells because of their presence. Her post was great !! Big Tex's daughter's post was great !!! THAT is not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about active involvement in the adult realm of this board and IN MY OPINION that includes being actively involved in the chat room. You infered that this kid was in some kind of danger when that clearly was the opposite of the case. The example you chose was of a girl who had a wonderful time posting there. The only danger she faced was of being love bombed by good caring people. You put up a premise that didn't match your conclusion. In fact the example you chose undermined your whole argument. The post I linked to was to point out how old she was. I had no problem with that post at all. And I have no problem with the occasional posting by children on this board in the same manner. What I have a problem with is active participation by them in a realm they may not be ready for and as adults I don't believe it's our responsible to walk on eggshells because of their presence. Her post was great !! Big Tex's daughter's post was great !!! THAT is not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about active involvement in the adult realm of this board and IN MY OPINION that includes being actively involved in the chat room. I too am nervous with kids in chat Xena* but are you really trying to protect kids or your own nerves? I am especialy on edge when the little buggers into the room .. but, as in real life, i say "let the children come" unc who sometimes cuts one loose. There are predators on the internet, Uncle Bruce. There are folks who prey on adults on this and other boards. Do you know ALL of the people who post here?

  true but can you demonstrate there has ever been a problem like that here? Or are we whisting past the graveyard on this? Your example sucked big time xena (i was involved in a couple of famous incidents in jwd chat and believe me the predator was in far more danger than the kid) do you know they are all safe for a child to be unsupervised in the chat room with? Would you want your child to be in the chat room with adults you don't know?

  oooo you making me think hard on that one Xena. (pity it bears precious little resemblance to the example you opened with) I guess my answer was yes. Like I said, my girls are very bright and not easily lead (i'm lucky i guess)

  I'm in two minds about having children in chat but i guess what struck me most about your post was that;

  1) Your argument was weak and invalid (ones premise must be true and fit ones conclusion for it to be otherwise)

  2) You hurt a good mother and daughter by using them in an invalid argument.

  no hard feelings mother xena (oo that kissy thing is soo ugly .. but at least it's cleanshaven :)
• 

  Big Tex

  I'd like to tread lightly, but still weigh in with this observation.

  When Jennie (age 9) wanted to post her picture of Brummie's avatar I told her that only on the condition that I am present whilst she typed in what she wanted to say. So I uploaded the photo and then pasted it in, and she said what she wanted. The next day, I pulled up the thread before Jennie got home from school and read it to make sure everything was okay. I knew it would be, but I'm an overprotective dad. I let Jennie read and respond but only after I had screened the thread.

  Having said that there is a big difference between 9 and 12 as is posting on a thread and going into chat. I also think no one would know their child better than the parent. Vash sounds like a mature 12 year old, and I hope she isn't hurt by the experience. Personally I hope she sticks around, I kind of like what she's had to say (posting wise that is) so far.

  I can't imagine Scooter and/or XW bullying Vash. I just don't think they have a mean bone in their body.