Is this a place for children?

by xenawarrior 188 Replies latest jw friends

  • Skeptic
    Skeptic
    You seem to have a hidden agenda. Don't use this thread to try too trash other people that are TRULEY concerned about children and what they see on this board. Get some CLASS!!!

    Really, Sloan? Care to enlighten me as to my hidden agenda? Or is this "hijack the thread and make vague, unproven, accusations about Skeptic" time? Dare I remind you of the guidelines regarding off topic posts, personal insults, etc.(1, 10, and possibly 3)?

    I notice you found no flaw in my reasoning. If these people were so concerned with what children see, they would make their own behaviour good by even adult standards. The fact that they don't says volumes.

    Sloan, it appears that you are trying to hijack the thread and shift it to an attack on me. Sorry, I am not going to bite. This thread is about whether or not children should be allowed on this site. Stick to the topic. I did.

    Sloan, have you joined those who are trying to drive people from this site? Looks like you made one of my subpoints for me. Strange, because I recall only being nice to you ever. So, stop trashing me, Sloan.

    Richard, who has an idea who put Sloan up to this

    Now, can we get back to the topic of "Is this a place for children?" Personally, I think children should be welcome at this site, as I have stated in my previous posts.

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Skeptic,

    I haven't been around the board much for the past few weeks, but even I knew who you were referring to in your original post. I find that your suggestion that someone put Sloan up to pointing this out rather sad, when I saw the same thing, and no one has suggested anything to me.

    I'm sorry that you've been hurt in the past by certain posters, but it's time to clean your wounds and move on. Continually bringing up the past in your posts indicate that you are still allowing them power in your life, in that you allow their past actions to influence your thinking and actions. Get on with life, and put those who have hurt you in the past. Those of us who have been hurt in other ways have had to do the same.

  • Brummie
    Brummie

    Utopian_Raindrops & family

    Hope you will ALL stick around, its neat having you all here.

    The topic is controversial, by emphasing one opinion another persons opinion gets discredited. exJW 12yr olds or teenagers have a great insight into the way a JW mind works, they have been JWs themselves, THEY need support, its just as confusing& traumatic for them to lose everything. No one but the parent should decide whether their child should or should not visit places like this, I appreciate the concerns of people but at the end of the day we shouldnt try to determine whats right and wrong for other peoples children, especially if it isnt a matter of life and death. This is shared respectfully as I can see all had good motives in this thread.

    Brummie

  • Scully
    Scully

    Uzzah writes:

    All you with maternal instincts, couldn't just tell the room to tone down the conversation while a minor was there? I don't see the problem?

    If someone wants to go into chat at any time fo the day at a discussion board for JW's and EXJW's for support or to share experiences or just chill why should they be confronted with sexual chat and innuendo?

    I don't think the issue is so much with the parents as it is with the inability or lack of desire of some to show respect for others.

    I have seen and heard of instances where people (active Witnesses) go into chat and start asking questions and are ignored due to the plethora of spankings and lap sitting going on. Again I am not against these things but is this the right venue for it? Even if one felt it was, why can't it be toned down based on who is in the room?

    I also don't think it is fair to belittle the emotions of a 12 year any more than it is to belittle the emotions of a 30 year old.

    When I was 15-16, I wanted to leave the JWs. I just didn't know how. I didn't know anyone who had. There was no support. Eventually my resistance broke down because of pressure from my family and I was assimilated back into the bOrg, and I got baptized when I was 17. It would be another 15 years before I left for good. I would have had a totally different life - in terms of education, in terms of career, in terms of family - if I'd had the support to leave the Organization when I first wanted to leave.

    The teen years are powerful transition years from a developmental perspective. I wish we could be more sensitive to that aspect of young JWs and exJWs who are looking for support to get out of the organization and stay out. The chat room could be a huge supportive influence for these young people. I wish it were that way.

    I would not allow my own children to visit the chatroom here. I've seen - far too many times - adults (who really ought to have the capacity to show some restraint in the presence of youngsters) carry on with sexual chat without any regard for who is there. When asked to tone it down, they give the usual This-Is-My-Right-How-Dare-You-Hamper-My-Free-Speech diatribe in return. However, if the same people - in person - were engaged in the kind of sexual behaviour they describe in chat, and a child walked in the room, I trust that the vast majority of them would stop what they were doing, knowing that it is inappropriate for a child to witness that activity.

    Just because it's fun, just because it's in text form doesn't make it any less "porn" than if photographs were posted describing the same scenarios. I'm just as guilty as others in terms of innocent flirting, but I certainly would use restraint in my conversation if I knew a child was in the chatroom, and I hope other adults would do the same, taking the time to deal with the youngster, and answer their questions or offer some supportive friendship, rather than shooing them away.

    There are so many other venues where private, restricted access, group or one-on-one sex chat can take place, and I'm not against anyone wanting to have those kinds of conversations either. Why can we not keep this chat room just a friendly, welcoming place for anyone who wants to come in??

    Love, Scully

  • Xena
    Xena

    uuummm *cough* just felt the need to clarify that XENA and XENAWARRIOR are two DIFFERENT PEOPLE...

    just in case there was any confusion

    I posted my views on page one...and stand by them....this is a forum for EXJW's of ALL AGES...or at least until Simon says otherwise...but any parent is well advised to exercise care when allowing their children online...

    UR I am sorry your daughter was hurt in all this, a lot of people didn't understand why I wanted my daughter to connect with other exJW kids...some people forget that children hurt too..they lose family too..and thru no fault of their own...it is hard enough as an adult to cope with this, just try to imagine the confusion of a child who's grandparents, aunts, uncles no longer have anything to do with them..the friends lost..it is a difficult adjustment for them as well!

    Anyway....best to both of you and hope you continue to post here

  • ashitaka
    ashitaka

    Kids aren't stupid, and their conversations can even be racier than ours.....let them in. I remember being thirteen, and adults talking about adult stuff was the least of my parents worries. I think going to school is a lot worse than coming here.

    ash

  • scootergirl
    scootergirl

    Wow.......lots of posts, lots of thoughts. First.....let me say......I was stuck in my Central Time Zone, and appreciate that it was brought to my attention that not everyone is in my timezone.

    I have been thinking of this all morning. Utopia, I just had the best interest of your child at heart. My intentions were not to belittle her or make her feel bad. I am very passionate about children and knew the reality of how the chatroom can be at times.

    I completely understand what she must be going thru......and also you as a mother. Being a parent is very difficult and challenging at times. I know what it is like to want to help your child thru any difficult time they may be going thru. My suggestion, and take it was you may, is to help your daughter find support. Monitor her support systems. There is wealth of wonderful people on this board......people that really care and will be there to listen. But.......there are also a lot of people on this board that aren't the best support for such a young child. At 12, children are very impressionable........add on top of that a hurting child and there is a lot of potential for harm.

    I have met people on this board that I would encourage my child to talk to if she needed to. There is also some people that I have met that I wouldn't want my child reaching out for support to.

    I would love to see a spot on Simon's board for children/teens. Of course, it would have to be closely monitored.

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    My inclination is to say no, but I don't know how the site owner would control it. This is just another one of those areas where parents really need to know what their kids are doing, where they're doing it, and with whom they're doing it.

    There is a distinct difference between a child and an adult.

  • Xandria
    Xandria

    I agree with Xena and with watching certain things when we know there is a child present. But to exclude someone is hurtful, we forget how hard things are at their age. It is awkward enough as it is being a child and teenager in all this.

    Children have feelings too and should be encouraged to discuss these things. To stifle them and limit them is wrong. Are we so callous as to not include them in the healing process? They too have been through a trauma and could use a little support from their peers and fellow ex-jw’s. This attitude of tearing people apart has to stop or we as people will never go forward. Are we so selfish, to not include the children we claim we want to protect from the pedophiles and horrors of the WTS. Is there pain any less than ours?

    I my self have came very close to leaving the D.B. because of the horrid attitude of some, but there are a few that have helped me salvage what is good on this board and on others.

    I have been concerned about the emotional harm it can cause when someone decides to tear into someone else. You don’t know the emotional state of the other person, who is on the other side of monitor. I believe you should treat others with respect and kindness. One does not want to cause someone emotional harm and inflict anymore pain to someone. Unless of course that is your nature, if so then you need to seek counseling.

    I believe the WTS has done enough to cause pain and suffering for many here. Let’s not inflict any more and remember the pain it caused us. And the pain it has; and is causing in our children too. We tend to forget that..

    Perhaps, Simon would put a Children's section in, so the kids could have some "quality time" to speak with friends, who can relate on the Ex-JW experience. Yes, this is an adult board in some cases; yes, we have a concern when we have a child viewing certain things. But Utopian sounds like a responsible mother who monitors internet time and what she allows to be viewed. We complain and moan about what the WTS did to us, but don’t think twice about cannibalizing another person in the name of self righteousness.

    Now we have caused pain to someone who was seeking support and was hurting. Regardless of a person’s age, state or being, they are entitled to seek solace. We just denied someone that…this is not our most proudest hour.

    I ask you should we exclude our children in the healing process. What are we telling them by saying this is an adult board you are not welcome. I did not see an age limit posted, have you? Here we protest, scream and fight abuses to our children yet we forget them in the process of the very basic need, the desire to heal and share. I am ashamed of our closed mind in regards to this.

    Utopian is the parent here, yes you could have questioned her. An allowed her child to feel included, validated and perhaps heal a bit from the sting of being shunned. Is that what we are about? ME,

  • scootergirl
    scootergirl
    Now we have caused pain to someone who was seeking support and was hurting. Regardless of a person’s age, state or being, they are entitled to seek solace. We just denied someone that…this is not our most proudest hour.

    JFYI.......this young child was not seeking "solace" at this particular time. She was not denied that......had she asked, she would have received what she needed. People, try not to assume what happened or what was talked about if you weren't in the chat room at that particular time.

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