Experiences After Leaving

Freeatlast2024

I am writing to ask if anyone cares to share their experience and/or offer advice for people leaving. I was raised in the religion, and both my parents died when I was very young. I recently stopped associating because my conscience no longer allows me to preach or support the organization. The problem is that most of my social network was people from the hall. I don’t really have family, so now I feel really isolated. I’d like to get to know different people, but I am honestly scared to reach out, because I have a hard time trusting people. I also feel like most people cannot understand me, because they do not know what it is like to be raised as a JW, lose your family in death at a young age, and then leave the organization to have almost no one left in your life. Also, I am still young.

joey jojo

Losing your social network is daunting. Making that change can be more stressful than people realise.

My advice - for what it's worth, is to not give up that control if you still have it. If you can play along to an extent and keep your friends if you need to, it might make the change easier.

Remember though, these people won't be your friends once you come clean. Even lifelong JW friends you think you are close and can trust, will shun you and feel self-righteous while doing it.

Gorb

Take step by step.

We left fading without burning exsisting relations with some witness. These days you will be surprised how they remain contact, even social gatherings. Just play the bluf game.

There is no direct answer about how to get a new social network. Don't expect a new jw style netwerk where dozens of people welcome you with a fake smile. You have to work for it., except you choose for s new sect style life.

Real friends are rare. Choose them wise.

G.

KerryKing

Read as much as you can from various authors to strip your mind of JW teachings, I'm sure everyone here can recommend a book that helped them. It will help you to make new friends and connections once you no longer see yourself as different, you're not different, the JWs made you think that, what we all carried with us to some extent is trauma. But many people carry trauma, from abusive relationships, bullying at school and work, and so on. Meaning that you will find people in the 'world' with experiences similar to yours, and feelings like yours.

Joining local classes, art/dance/exercise/gardening, a gym, community clean ups (like town/beach etc), a local school for adults/college evening classes and courses are all ways to meet new people who have at least that interest in common with you.

You can still pray, you may choose to drop the name Jehovah because of the religious associations, and just use Father, Heavenly Father, Abba etc. Whatever feels right to you.

I personally found Eric Wilson's book very eye opening, How They Shut The Door to the Kingdom of God. Others will recommend Franz's book, I can't remember the title, I didn't read it yet but it's on my list!

This forum is great for at least virtually meeting others who have lived your experiences and they will understand you.

May you find true community, and joy, and meaning. Much love x

DesirousOfChange

I'm sure everyone here can recommend a book that helped them.

Crisis of Conscience (Ray Franz), of course.

I also strongly encourage reading Combating Cult Mind Control (Steven Hassan). I put it off and once I started it I couldn't put it down. He writes about his experience with the Moonies, but it proved to me that JWs are like the Poster Child for a Cult. JWs "check the box" on every single criteria for a Cult. It is impossible to pretend it's coincidence. The "mind control", "information control", etc.

Let's review! It's a Cult!

Edited to add: The point above about making new friends and a new network is right on. That is NOT an easy task. As a JW you think it's just an automatic thing. Everyone loves you. Everyone is your friend. That's not how it works in the "real world". But if you give people a chance, they will do the same.

ThomasMore

When a JW discovers that the religion is no longer worth pursuing, there are some dramatic life changes that need to be made to fill the void. Being free is euphoric, but it can become stale without meaning in life. All of the suggestions above are helpful. I might add that immersing oneself in volunteer efforts to help others is also essential.

As a JW, you may have felt (mistakenly) that you were doing something to help others, and that no doubt brought you satisfaction. Now you have the opportunity to actually start devoting some time toward that effort.

Personally, I find that it is therapeutic as it re-grounds me and connects me to the community. And, there is no shortage of ways to genuinely bring relief others.

I started by doing volunteer roadside cleanup. This helped me build some relationships, and I branched out to help the elderly. This proved to be what brought me the greatest satisfaction. For the first time in my life, I began to feel that I was spending my energy in meaningful ways. I hope this helps.

blondie

DOC, both of those books Crisis of Conscience (Ray Franz), of course.

I also strongly encourage reading Combating Cult Mind Control (Steven Hassan). I put it off and once I started it I couldn't put it down. I was moved to contact Ray Franz and have some delightful conversations with him while I was a PIMO. All his words confirmed by thoughts and feelings. I late read Steven Hassan's book and called him and asked why Jehovah's Witnesses were not listed. I wrote to him and showed how the WTS matched up many his signs of a cult. And finally convinced him to add to his list of cults, and provide direct help to members.

Over the years, I made it a point to visit Ray and his wonderful wife, Cynthia at their home and have nice informal chats, see what Ray was doing online and at in-person talks when invited to do so. I met the ex-elder that Ray had lunch with that led to the WTS considering he had associated with a disassociated person so was labeled as having disassociated himself. But not Cynthia although she too had associated with that same disassociated person.

There are so many wonderful people that have books, online podcasts and Youtube presentations that help and the wonderful Barbara Anderson and others who have given their time and energy to help lawyers combat the WTS child abuse policy.

Thanks to all of you that in your own way have supported others hurt by the WTS.

peacefulpete

When the day came to take my leave, I didn't have many people in my life to lean on. One workmate almost surprisingly became my best friend. He had not shared my experience but was interested or polite enough to let me unload. I also read about a local salon discussion group meeting to air topics in my town. I soon connected with a whole crowd of thinking and conscientious people. To my delight my wife soon joined me. Volunteering is a great idea as others have said. We did roadside cleanup, invasive plant removal projects and joined a nature club that had outings. We felt like new people. Not every person became a lasting friendship, but they were all important at the time. My wife was first to return to school and start a new career, I followed. Life is good, take action to keep it moving forward.

Beth Sarim

In Search of Christian Freedom by Raymond Franz.

This book is the icing on the cake to CoC.

Try to get James Pentons books.

Of course Steven Hassen books.

Beth Sarim

Kingdom of the Cults.

By Walter Martin.

Experiences After Leaving

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