Experiences After Leaving (page 2)

Freeatlast2024

ThomasMore, I wholeheartedly agree with your perspective. Everyone has to make their own decisions in life, but I personally could not be a PIMO. Also, I had to cut off some people that I really cared about because they were trying to convince me that I was wrong when I started having doubts. It’s been really hard because these are people I really care about, but I don’t regret my decision. It’s just hard.

resolute Bandicoot

Hey... welcome to the group Freeatlast, which country are you living in? Don't give too much info.

- R.B.

Dagney

Welcome Freeatlast2024! (Great name BTW!)

Most of us here have been right where you are...our social circles developed over years POOF! are gone. Being raised a JW we were taught to not be a "joiner". I am old and I struggle with that today.

HOWEVER, you are at a very exciting time in your life because of your decision. You can do and be whatever YOU want to be. Not that easy to figure out...but you can do some things that will set you on the journey.

Find a group that interests you and aligns with your values. A place to start is volunteer work in your community, or if that's too close, go to a place close by, food banks etc. Just google and many things pop up.
Check out Meetup. Do you like wine, yoga, book clubs, writing, movies, music...the list of groups is endless. You may not find a match at first, but hanging out with people with similar likes is a good place to start.
Do you like tennis, soccer, softball...do you want to learn? Teams are a good place to find some mates.

Taking the leap to leave is brave and it takes courage. It's a bit scary. I heard a quote recently, "we don't grow in our comfort zone." You have your whole life ahead of you, and the best is really yet to come even though it doesn't feel like it. But you will see that it is.

Good luck on your journey. You got this. If there is anything we can help you with we are here for you.

Balaamsass2

Welcome to the group Free at Last!

Lots of good suggestions here. Part of leaving Watchtower is doing "the work". That includes a little homework like reading "Crisis of Conscious" and something like JWFacts.com, and "Combating Cult Mind Control".

Free classes at the local Community College are a great way to meet people, expand your knowledge base, gain college credits, and improve your job prospects.

Explore hobby groups. Fishing, Cooking, Painting, Art, Lapidary, Audubon, Sierra Club, Gyms, Food Banks, Acting, Singing, Chamber of Commerce, Firewise, Watersheds, APCA, Shelters, etc.

Reach out to old JW friends on Face Book who moved away or have become "inactive", many of them have probably left Watchtower secretly. :)

We look forward to your future posts about your new life!!

Longlivetherenegades

The book In search of Christian freedom is one you should read especially the concluding part applies to your moving on and forward.

Ray Franz got very good explanation as to how to use your freedom while free. Keep your mental balance as to how you sway to right or left. Watchtower has made thousands of decisions for you. It is your time to make those decisions yourself using your freedom doing the hard work of making those decisions and facing the consequences.

ballistic

It's one hell of a journey and I didn't come through it unscathed. I lost my father at age 13 and saw a pioneer brother as a role model and followed that. But I found myself torn between trying to get a solid job and pioneering, everything seemed to be a choice of those two completely different things, and my now step dad made life at home intolerable, and even showed me the door literally, at age 15. I left home and moved congregations at age 17, but I found I lost the gel I had with all the congregation at the previous hall where our efforts were on rebuilding the hall every weekend. About that time I started to drink (always a little bit more than everyone else) and found temporary relief from anxiety. I married the first girl who came along who was stalking me, and things really went downhill from there. The marriage lasted two years.

Things are fine from me now. I do still have a few mental health gremlins, but I have a wonderful partner and am bringing up two boys 5 and 6 and attempting at every moment to be the father that sadly, I didn't have.

jwundubbed

I left the cult in my 20s. There are some things that I did right, and some things that I didn't do that could have made transitioning so much easier.

First, stop using their language. Use the language that the rest of the world uses. This helps other people relate to you when you do talk about your past, but it also helps you to think like the people that you want to be in a community with. It is also a part of deprogramming.

Jehovah's Witnesses = fundamentalist Christian religion (or in my case a Doomsday cult)

Kingdom Hall = church

Sunday and Weekday meetings = services

bible study = bible study (this meeting where groups meet outside of the church to do bible study is actually quite common in other Christian churches)

assembly (all of them) = convention

Brothers & Sisters = church members, parishioners, you choose what works for you

Elders, circuit overseers, the Governing Body = ministers or pastors

Governing Body (if you need to make the distinction) = church administrators

You can easily look up titles to make changes to your vocabulary.

Others have already give you great advice for navigating making new friends and creating your chosen community, network. I'm going to tell you something that I find most of us do not want to hear.

Get therapy.

I left and did what I could to separate myself from the cult. I changed my language. I got right out there and started making friends. I got into romantic relationships. It was a decade later before I realized that I had significantly underestimated the impact that the JWs had on how I relate to people. I was born in. The JW way of relating to people entirely shaped me during the formative years of my life. I think people who join later are also effected by this. For me, I don't know what I don't know. I can see all kinds of areas of my life that I can change to be a better person and to separate myself from the cult. But I cannot see the intricate details of my interpersonal relationships and where I might be going wrong. Just yesterday I realized that I need to find someone who is a step between a therapist and a life coach to help me work on my friend skills. I've come so far, but I am incapable of seeing what I need to see without someone else to help point it out to me. I need to learn from someone who can articulate it and help me find the tools necessary to make successful relationships... even just friends. I got therapy to deal with some PTSD issues and it helped. I didn't do a lot. I did not get therapy to help me navigate interpersonal relationships, and I now think that I could have learned so much and gotten better at relationships so much faster if I had. Therapy/counseling doesn't have the stigma that it used to have and there are so many different types available now. There are support groups that meet online, like on Zoom, and just share their struggles. Some are formatted like support groups while others feel more relaxed like friends meeting up. You can even make some friends with people who share a similar struggle.

I realized just yesterday that I haven't been making the friendships that I want to make. Making friends is much harder as an adult. It isn't just that you are no longer thrust together in an environment where you are forced to interact with each other, as children are. It is that the other adults aren't interested in making those connections. People will make those connections given the opportunity, but they aren't seeking it themselves oftentimes. You really have to work at it. I have 2 friends right now. They are really good friends. I have acquaintances at work. I'm going to try Meet-Up to see if I can find a group that gathers to do artwork together. I'm not a naturally social person. I'm fine all by myself. But it isn't healthy. And at the end of my life, I want more than 2 chosen people by my side. I want to make a difference in other people's lives and have them make a difference in mine. I feel like I have a lot to give.

I hope this helps and I hope you can start making new friends and creating a choice family soon.

blondie

This post is a great example of the great value of JWN. When I stopped attending, I did not know where to go, where there were others who thought like me and had similar experiences, there were not as many places as there now. Simon had started a previous discussion group, that i found was sooo helpful. He then designed JWN, which reaches even more people. We all have own experiences with the WTS, but finding someone who had the same experiences, lifts you up. And many suggestions on how to leave quietly or suddenly depending on your own circumstances. Explanations of the false reasoning of the WTS, and how to make similar examinations on your own. I want to see these resources continue and be a good part of it.

OnTheWayOut

Two things

1. Find other ex-JW's to connect with, as they understand without explanation.

2. Work to develop friendships either through your occupation or hobbies or through racquetball at the gym or whatever you want to do. Don't feel it is necessary to have them understand what you went through.

DesirousOfChange

Don't feel it is necessary to have them understand what you went through.

Because they can't!

Most people see JWs as just another small, "harmless" religious group and the only things they know about them is they (used to) wake them up on Saturday mornings, they don't believe in Jesus (all that D2D ministry and people are still confused) based on the fact they do not celebrate Christmas, and then some who read the news may be aware of the prohibition on blood transfusions, though more likely, they know of a JW who died refusing one. More than likely many of them think JWs refuse all medical care (confusing them with Christian Scientists).

Experiences After Leaving

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