Like a moth to a flame

by Esmeralda 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • myMichelle
    myMichelle

    Hi Es!!

    Good to see you, hope that's a sign of things getting better.

    I know whatcha mean. I am continually drawn to the board. I pop in a couple times a day during breaks, etc. I don't really post a whole lot (as one can see by the number of my posts), but I like to see what's going on with everyone. Kinda how I am in the non-cyber world too, I love to sit back and watch the people around me.

    My original motivation for coming to the internet is now gone, my family is safe, relatively safe anyways. It remains to be seen how my in-laws are going to react to my husband's changing views, getting mixed signals on that. I suppose it will remain that way until if/when "official" action is taken. Kinda feels like I'm in a holding pattern, but I'll cheerfully take this situation over last year's.

    What keeps me coming back now are the people I have met here. Several of you have really helped me through the last couple of years, thanks.

    Must not be ready to say good-bye, or I'm just like a chocoholic drawn to the freezer to snack on the cache of Thin Mints. (A less painful comparision than burning a moth up in a flame )

    Glad to see you up and about,
    {{hugs}}
    Michelle

  • JAVA
    JAVA

    Essie,

    I think many former JWs on this and other forums ask the same question you bring to the group, but not as elegantly as you. My god Essie, you do have a way with words.

    Forums like this help exiting members to not feel alone. We can relate to folks who have been there, and done that. However, your comments go beyond this stage and into the pea soup stage (I just made that one up). Perhaps we all get something different out of coming back while moving on; I don't know.

    Do ex-Witnesses have a difficult time making genuine friends in the real world, and as a result, gravitage to places like this? Do ex-Witnesses feel a kinship with the group, and need to touch base like blood relatives? Can other people understand the mind set we used to have, and how it influenced our lives? Perhaps these are some of the reasons that bring us together years after the scene of the crime.

    Hopefully, our journey to places like this forum is more of a loose-knit support group and/or a place to let our hair down with folks who understand. A moth gives its life in search of light; hopefully we've found a life after leaving the Tower, and this place understands the celebration.

    --JAVA
    ...counting time at the Coffee Shop

  • Esmeralda
    Esmeralda

    Hi Guys,

    Woke up from a nap with my eyes twitching and double beyond belief. (A charming
    little condition unique to neurological ailments called "nystagmus" That's the fun of this
    disease...you never know what you're going to get from hour to hour!) So this will be quick,

    Waiting, sweetie I'm glad that you answered the post even though I didn't 'mention' you! My
    memory isn't what it used to be (sadly!) and I missed so many people I meant to name. You included,
    Seven...Java, Francoise, Doubtingsister, wasasister, englishman, Thirdson, okay I'm pulling
    these out of my hat here...Kristen of course and MyMichelle one of my oldest chat board
    buddies.....I could seriously hurt myself trying to remember *lol* Please everyone, remember that my brain is swiss cheese and things continually fall out the holes. If I missed your name it wasn't intentional. God, I even forgot Simon and
    its his board for heavens sake! ***hugs**** I get encouragement from everyone here, differing
    viewpoints included because it reminds me of the freedom to choose that I cherish since
    getting out of the Tower.

    I agree with everything you all said, and am glad that you could identify with it.
    When I woke up I thought good god what was I saying? *lol*

    This reply abbreviated because my vision seems to have no vertical/horizontal hold today and
    the words are literally bouncing on the screen. I'm still listening to you all though. I may
    have to have Justin read replies to me but damn it I won't miss em *lol*

    ~On the up side of the rollercoaster today looking out at the big wide world...

    Love you all
    Essie

  • JT
    JT

    had enough
    says:--------

    I identify so strongly with your phrase about "questions" at the end. I too want answers and not feel afraid to ask questions. I've always been a stickler for answers and detail, and am often teased in a loving way from my friends who know when they tell me something, I have to get the full picture...I don't like having to fill in the blanks.

    ###############

    when i read that quote on quesioning---i said THIS IS IT

    it so well nicely sums up the entire issue in a nutshell

    james

  • JT
    JT

    Slip N slide--says

    I identify so strongly with your phrase about "questions" at the end. I too want answers and not feel afraid to ask questions. I've always been a stickler for answers and detail, and am often teased in a loving way from my friends who know when they tell me something, I have to get the full picture...I don't like having to fill in the blanks.
    ########

    I think that for the most part it speaks about all of us in some small or large way

    james

  • Had Enough
    Had Enough

    Hi JT:

    Right on!!!!

    Why it took me so long to realize this, given my obsession with needing to have answers, I'll never know.

    Maybe I was just like so many others who "put getting the answer on hold by waiting on Jehovah for the answer". Like I've labelled that before, it's like wearing blinders.

    Wow! It feels so good to have them off now.

    Had Enough

  • RedhorseWoman
    RedhorseWoman

    Hi Essie,

    Glad you made it back. I spent most of my post-JW years feeling as if I were the only one who had "turned my back on Jehovah" (gack, that phrase makes me feel nauseous now....what a crock!)

    When I found discussion boards similar to this several years ago, it was a definite revelation. I was NOT alone! The people I met there could understand. It was kind of like a group of war veterans getting together at the local VFW hall to share experiences and rejoice in the fact that they had all survived.

    I found this board last year, and I must say that it is truly special. There are so many intelligent, caring people here that I find it is now part of my life.

    These last few weeks have been somewhat of an upheaval in my schedule, with work getting hectic, and helping to take care of my sister's affairs since her death, as well as re-establishing long-lost family ties. I haven't been here as much as I'd like, and I find that I miss it when I can't check in at least once a day.

    I'm glad you found us, Essie. I appreciate your posts and your clear thinking abilities (even though you didn't mention me....sigh).

  • Tina
    Tina

    (((((((((essie)))))))))))))
    You seem to echo my thoughts quite often lil sis lol.
    Originally I came here for information to settle nagging questions regarding life and the wts.
    I also wondered if I wasn't going crazy at times,trying to make sense of the senseless.

    To my grateful surprise,I found others struggling along that same road..........and that made all the difference in the world to me.

    On h20 I met you and so many others that I can't begin to thank!
    I received encouragement,validation(that I wasn't goin nutz lol).
    And what a group I've traveled with! You,Md,Farkel,Kent,Jan,wasasis,sunchild,antique,AF Julie Ginny Ded,comf Norm,The irrepressible Uncle bruce lol,,,,,,,,And so many more (put your name here please)

    I was supported when falling down,forgiven attitudes and errors,poked and prodded to use my mind when I didn't want to lol,found honest interaction,not always pretty,but still beneficial to learning and growing and accepted and loved just for myself(what a concept coming out of watchtowerworld!).........what a bond that creates!
    Laughing together ,crying together,and ultimately learning to love together.
    Then,,,,,,,the road curved and I saw a sign that said 'Simons Place' straight ahead :>
    Thank you Simon for putting that candle in the window,it sure drew many moths didn't it? lol
    And there, making sure the candle didn't go out,was 'waiting',sweet 7/9,mommy,gopher,java simon anghard,larc,zazu Prisca,plh (put your name here)
    I lurked here forever,quietly trailing behind waiting ,and all the others .....gleaning in their field of experiences,wisdom,insight,etc. just as I did on h20.
    (so if you ever felt like you were being followed,that was just me,in baggy overalls and straw hat behind yas)
    I appreciate and admire the grace they've shown in accepting us!
    I'm glad they didn't get out the insect spray when they saw this horde of new moths descending on them lol.

    I grew to love so very many,the connection is real. They will travel with me in my heart forever,such is the impact made on me. I don't want to leave you or them :>
    So as long as I'm able ,you folks are stuck with me,lol.
    I am not a prolific writer ,quite laconic actually,so I hope I was able to convey my feelings and just how important each and evryone of you are to me,
    With gratitude and love,Tina

  • JT
    JT

    redhorsewoman- says

    When I found discussion boards similar to this several years ago, it was a definite revelation. I was NOT alone! The people I met there could understand. It was kind of like a group of war veterans getting together at the local VFW hall to share experiences and rejoice in the fact that they had all survived

    ####################3

    As I am typing this post my wife is on the phone with a DF sister who could no longer take it- she wants relief and we are going to let her know this evening that she is not ALONE as mentioned above
    after the 75 nonevent - i have read of bros who for 20yrs thought they were the ONLY ONE AND then the net came around and all Sh!t broke loose

    and now they are after 20yrs able to find some mental closure on thier exp

    the net is the most powerful infomation tool ever created by man

    the naked women on the net "THANG" Is all the wt tells it's members about the net and it scares the jw to death

    but the fact of the matter is never again in my view will wt have any growth in western countries AGAIN

    I Live in the washington dc area the capital of the internet as we like to call it

    it has been reported that we avg 2.2 pcs in the homes here in certain areas- we have 5 oursleves 2 upstairs 2 downstairs and the server in the basement smile

    at my last co/elder meeting the co told us the net was killing the bible studies in the circuit due to when studies start - thier families and workmates and friends would download APOSSTE material for them- and they would ask thier bible study conductor lots of questions

    but that was not the real problem -- as he pointed out the problem was the reaction of the publishers when presented with stuff off the net-

    well the poor rank and file would FREAK OUT I CAN'T READ THAT -I CAN'T TOUCH THAT, ETC

    well of course the poor bible student is now seeing a real Damn fool sittting in his living room freaking out

    all of a sudden this kind mild manner jw has become a ragging A$$hole

    and this reaction would turn the bible student off

    so he told us and in his talks for the week he pointed out that many times they are simply old wt lierature that they have printed

    so point out to them it is OLD LIGHT

    my wife and i sat there during his thrusday service talk in shock

    He told us that in some territory folks would keep printouts at thier dooors AND when the bro called they would invite them in and start asking them all kinds of questions based on the printout

    OF COURSE AS he put it some bro would almost run out of folks home

    so once again he told the cogreation not to react like that, but to calmly try and redirect the conversation back to the topic for the day and offer to come back and address thier issues since it would take more time than you had that morning

    so i"m telling you folks it will not get any easier for jw working thier terriotory or keeping bible studies as the years go by and the net will become as common as having running water and phone service in more parts of the earth

    i just love that "NET THANG"

    JAMES

    The Freedom to Think means:

    "I'd rather have Questions that I can't Answer ----Than Questions, I can't Ask.

    (or Answers that I can't Question)."

  • pamkw
    pamkw

    I can understand what you are saying. I lurk on a few boards, but rarely say anything. But for some
    reason I keep coming back. I decided to come here and check it out. I am off work, hurt my back,
    and am getting tired of being home. But I like what I see, I may just stick around

    Pam

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