JW Boyfriend is being brainwashed !

by Camay 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Camay

  I understand. Thanks for all the kind information. "humble" appears to be somewhat judgemental.

  I would like to be married but to a man that is secure, confident and
  has his own mind.

  Not to mention that if my so called boyfriend wanted to marry me.
  HE would have done it. While we have lived together for 3 years I
  have been with him for about 6 years. Personally I think that he is
  hiding behind his so called religion as a cop out for not get married
  to me.

  He just started going back to the hall this year. and its effecting
  him in a major way. Once he leaves (its my place) I will get on with
  my life. I am just upset that he called me a NON believer. and I do believe in GOD just not the JW doctrine. I attend church on a regular
  and he will not join me at the Baptist church I attend, even though I
  have accompany'd him to a Sunday "meeting" and even a strange memorial service.

  I was only looking for help.
• 

  humble

  How is saying that "fornication is a sin" judgemental? It's very clear what Jehovah's laws are. Even Baptists read the Bible and know that God does not approve fornication. It might be true that he is just using excuses to live together with you and not taking the responsability of marriage, but the fact remains. Fornication is condemned. Galatians 6:5.
• 

  Camay

  You are correct that fornication is a sin. did you read my post.
  I CAN NOT MAKE HIM DO SOMETHING HE DOESNT WANT TO. and if he chooses
  not to them he WILL leaving. Life is too short to waste time
  trying to convince someone to do research. I am a grown woman and there is NO WAY I would convert before doing research. He was raised
  that way and NEVER looked into the religion.

  He has his doubts but refuses to look into the organzition. That is blind. now here is some scripture for you. (unless you are too afraid)
  to look it up.

  1 timothy 2:5 deut 18:20-22
  Mat 7;15-16 Eph 5:6-10 Mat 12:39-37
  NUMBERS 23:19
• 

  Had Enough

  Hi Camay:
  I just want to say I'm so sorry you're in this sad situation.

  I know you're looking for answers but I think you've pretty well summed the whole thing up already.

  You said:
  

  I cant make him marry me and he will not unless I convert, but I cant convert to something I dont feel comfortable with.

  You've already done your research and I know you know you can't force him look at what you've discovered. Perhaps if there is still love and a desire to marry him, could you prepare beliefs you have found wrong and ask him to explain them to you without making him feel like you're trying to change his mind, but rather like you want to understand what he believes.

  I found an interesting personal account of someone who was a JW and who wanted to discreetly help his family open their eyes to the wrong teachings without them realizing what he was doing. He feared they (like your boyfriend is doing) would close their minds if they thought he was turning against the JWs.

  You can check his story and some of his suggested subjects in this website:

  http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm

  "How I helped my Family Leave Jehovah's Witnesses"

  He also added this at the bottom of his story to click onto:

  "more specific follow-up to this article" (entitled, "Case Example of Talking to My Family")

  I'm sure you'll find it helpful if you feel you want to help your boyfriend to look into things for himself. Whatever he does, HE is responsible for his own actions. You are not to blame for what he does.

  I wish you success and happiness in whatever you do.

  Had Enough
• 

  pamkw

  Hi Camey,

  you are really in a hard place. But it looks like you know what you have to do. You have waited on
  boy for 6 years. The question you really need to ask is how much longer are you going to wait.
  It is a very sad thing, but the watchtower has broken up more relationships than anyone can count.
  Do what you have to do to be happy and healthy. I wish you the best.

  Pam
• 

  bajarama

  Humble,

  I'm wondering why you chose the name Humble? Are you using that name to state that you are humble? Your posts above show otherwise. To quote a dear friend of yours humble, "you with out sin, cast the first stone". Maybe you should think of a new name?

  bajarama

  p.s.Humble shouldn't you be out in service with the end being so near and all?
• 

  Had Enough

  humble:

  I understand you are probably zealous in your effort to try to help someone see the error of their ways.

  One thing I vividly remember from the Ministry School lessons, was that when we are trying to convince someone of the Bible's 'better way of doing something' we should be tactful, and acknowledge the problem in a kind and understanding way first. From there, we were to try to show the Bible's answer to the 'problem'. Giving a student talk with a householder gave us sisters lots of practice working on this suggestion.

  If you had worded your response in this manner, instead of sounding curt and right to the point, perhaps you wouldn't have 'sounded' so judgemental. You may think you weren't being judgemental, but to open your response with 'you are fornicators' doesn't sound kind, understanding and 'humble' to anyone, and it certainly doesn't make the one you are addressing want to listen to anything else you will have to say no matter how good and right it may be.

  You don't have to compromise your principles by wording your answer kindly, and it probably would get a better reception.

  Had Enough
• 

  messenger

  i do not wish in any way to judge your actions. from a purely clinical standpoint this is the ultimatium your boyfriend is faced with. if he does not leave you immediately and move out he will be disfellowshipped for being non-repentant. the only chance he has to stay a witness without being shunned is to move out. this is what he is no doubt grapeling with. it has now come down to wt or you. if he is df he will still be required to leave or marry you to ever be considered for reinstatement. he no doubt is in a great amount of turmoil internally, i hope he makes the right decision.
  messenger
• 

  TR

  Hi Camay,

  as was said in other posts, and as you well know, your boyfriend is one mixed up guy right now. Better you find someone stable in his beliefs.

  Humble, Welcome!

  Oh, did you forget that you're talking to apostates? We are incarnations of pure EEEEvil.

  Nice to have you here.

  TR
• 

  professor

  If your boyfriend is baptized he will most likely be disfellowshiped for living with you, unless he proves to the elders he is repentant (which would mean he broke down into tears to them during the meeting and promised not to come home to you that same night). I hope for your sake he isn't baptized. If not, he will still be 'marked' in the congregation as bad association and will experience a moderate shunning. Make no mistake, he will be forced to choose between you and eternal life. His going to the elders to cofess shows he is loyal to them. He may see things differently once people start shunning him, especially if he is disfellowshiped and his family stops seeing him. New guidelines are very clear about shunning relatives. It is now enforced more than ever before.

  If you love each other and decide to work through this, you definately have rough roads ahead. Good Luck you will be in my prayers.