Transcript (2024_01_02_LLOYD-EVANS-I met God (on shrooms)!.mp4)
I can't shake this feeling that something happened that warrants further investigation, it certainly made me more empathetic towards people who have had profound experiences. Whether these experiences are purely generated emotionally or by taking substances.
And the biggest feeling I had after taking the mushrooms was one of profound regret for all of those who struggle with mental health who don't get to experience reality in that way.
Hello there. I'm Lloyd Evans. Welcome to the attic. Well, this is a video I wasn't expecting to make, and I've debated for quite some time whether to talk about this.
But I feel like it is a really relevant experience that I've had and something that has been very formative in my development post cult and certainly navigating some of the problems that I've had to encounter over the last couple of years. And yeah, there's no other way to put it.
I met God.
But I'm putting an asterisk, so it's not like fully clickbait. I'm putting an asterisk because I think there are some disclaimers to be made. And I feel like it's a very nuanced situation that I'm still processing and still trying to make sense of. So to cut to the chase, I was invited by a very kind and generous viewer of the Lloyd Evans channel to go out to meet him in Canada.
And undergo therapy like unofficial therapy because this person isn't like a licenced mental health professional or therapist, so undergo an unofficial therapy with mushrooms.
And I was obviously quite wary about doing this. It's not like the normal thing where you would say, yeah, sure, I'll. I'll just go out and meet someone I've never met before and undergo A psychedelic experience. But I had like a zoom call with this person. This person was kind enough to share their credentials, you know, to the extent that they could. And I just felt very comfortable about the situation. So I went out to Canada and this was in November of last year.
Happy New Year, everyone. 2024.
So the trip itself happened on the 29th of November and let me back up a little bit more because when this individual first reached out to me and I'm being very careful to protect his anonymity. It's someone in Canada. Let's just put it that way. But when this person reached out to me they went through you know what the experience would involve the fact that they follow the John Hopkins model where you wear a blindfold and you listen to some relaxing music and it's a very introspective experience.
And very quickly we realised that there was an obstacle to me doing this, namely the fact that I was taking a particular form of antidepressant, which is an SSRI or a serotonin inhibitor.
And this would greatly diminish my psychedelic experience if I was still taking this. In fact, I had to be at least 30 days clean, so I made the decision.
My psychiatrist doesn't know this yet, but I made the decision to come off my antidepressants, my Zoloft. I was already reaching a point where I felt like the Zoloft had done its job in terms of keeping me away from the abyss. You know, at the most urgent time when that was needed.
But it was also I was reaching a point where the Zoloft was kind of keeping me at a cruising altitude where I wasn't getting too down, but I also wasn't getting too high either. I wasn't able to fully experience joy in the way that I needed to, and so I was already wanting to come off the Zoloft.
So I did what you shouldn't do, which is I just crashed off it. What you're supposed to do is slowly reduce your dosage over a quite a long period, and I just stopped taking it. And that was a very grueling experience, certainly the first week when I stopped taking it, there were huge and withdrawal symptoms that were very difficult to cope with.
But I did it, I managed it and when we get to the trip I'm in Canada. The trip happened on the 29th of November. And it was absolutely incredible. It was one of - one of the most fulfilling experiences in my life. And wow, what can I say?
So the trip itself the usual kind of psychedelic display. So I took seven grammes of mushrooms and waited about 20-30 minutes for it to kick in, and then I went through and lay down on a bed and my host set me up with some headphones, some music and and a blindfold, and then went out of the room so I could be by myself.
And to begin with, I was obviously listening to the music and it was mostly like a like a colour display in front of me. I was seeing letters, but I was also seeing the typical kind of kaleidoscopic neon display that you might imagine seeing if you took mushrooms and to begin with, I was thinking well, this has been overhyped. You know, this is interesting but I'm going to really struggle to.
I convey excitement about what I'm going through right now, but I'll I'll I'll sit through it and see what happens. So then I started navigating through this kaleidoscopic landscape and finding that I could navigate through space essentially.
And very quickly, I had this realisation that I am insignificant and it didn't take me long to get to that realisation, because that's kind of how I feel anyway, I generally feel fairly nihilistic, so I felt this realisation, the time insignificant that everything around me is insignificant.
And then as I was navigating through this landscape I came across this entity. It was I distinct I distinctly remember it being in the right hand side, the upper right hand side of my vision and the best way I can describe it is imagine you're swimming under water and you come up alongside a boat and you see the hole under the water. That was kind of what it was like, but I wasn't underwater. I was floating through space, essentially.
And I was being very jovial and lighthearted about everything and saying ohh, that's irrelevant, that's irrelevant. And then I pointed to the object and said that's irrelevant and this voice came back in my voice and said that is relevant. That is relevant and there was this realisation that that was God and God wasn't to be referred to as he or she, but as that.
So then I end up in this conversation which my host overheard part of and came to my bedroom door panicking a little bit because he realised I had my phone with me and he was worried that I might be calling people and he was thinking, well, the last thing Lloyd needs to be doing while he's on a mushroom trip is making phone calls or maybe even live streaming. Who knows.
So he came to my door out of concern and overheard an part of what ended up being I'm told of of 45 minute to one hour conversation. Where I was conscious of another consciousness.
And and this is something that I'm still grappling with today because I'm aware of how complicated the brain is and brain chemistry is. I'm sure that there are many who very justifiably will say, well, look, you know, this is just your your brain and projecting another consciousness or creating another consciousness for you to talk to, same as same as what might happen with schizophrenic people, I don't know.
So I know, I'm still grappling with all of that, but basically I I was speaking to another consciousness. The other consciousness was God.
And the other consciousness was communicating to me via a series of very usually quite short messages, although there were some slightly more complicated ones, but typically they would be short messages that I had to repeat over and over and over again, and it was very disconcerting, disconcerting and quite frightening to have to be spoken to using my own voice.
To be saying things that I wouldn't intuitively say or consciously say and hear my voice being used to answer back at me sometimes in quite a stern way. What I was made to repeat over and over again, or what I was repeating over and over again, was show me, how it works. Show me how it works. It was all I could think of to say. Just repeatedly because I wanted answers.
If I was really speaking to God, I wanted answers and what it made me repeat over and over again in again this mantra like way was that is relevant. Same thing as it said at the beginning. That and it are the same and it's now or never, and another one was suffering makes it real because I got into quite a heated or, from my perspective, heated exchange, where I was demanding answers on the issue of suffering.
And that was the part of the conversation that my host overheard because I was saying things like so you're saying that's it, it said. You are the suffering. You are the suffering.
So I was saying, so I'm I'm responsible for everything. I'm responsible for children being violated.
And the answer I got back was suffering makes it real – which is very, very interesting and still something I'm processing and being very, very careful not to be too hasty to to draw firm conclusions about what it was or wasn't.
I haven't jettisoned my atheism just yet. I'm I'm still kind of clinging to it while there is any possibility that this was just my brain synapses firing in response to the mushrooms. And I have another friend who is, shall we say, very familiar with psychedelics.
Who is sort of in conversation, steering me more towards like a secular interpretation, you know, of of this being. You know a molecule, psilocybin, that can create these conversations. But interestingly, when I was talking to him quite recently, I pushed him on whether he'd ever had a conversation with another consciousness. Despite having done mushrooms many times. And he said, there was once a time when he was aware of another consciousness, but the consciousness wouldn't speak to him.
And that's another interesting thing where I'm thinking, why? Why wouldn't everybody have this? Why? Why can't it be that when everyone takes mushrooms, they get to have a conversation with God? But apparently that's not how it works.
Apparently mushrooms have different effects on different people, and the effects vary depending on the circumstances in which you take the mushroom. So my experience which my host put a lot of thought into was intended as a form of therapy where it would be very introspective, whereas my friend, my other friend, tends to use mushrooms recreationally out in nature, and then it's more of like a an experience of seeing, you know, getting very fixated on cloud formations and, you know, studying trees and all that kind of thing, which I'm open to doing and and will do at some point.
But I can't shake this feeling that something happened that warrants further investigation.
It certainly made me more empathetic towards people who have had profound experiences whether these experiences are purely generated emotionally or by taking substances.
And the biggest feeling I had after taking the mushrooms was one of profound regret for all of those who struggle with mental health who don't get to experience reality in that way because I find it fascinating and very fulfilling and reassuring that there is a way of experiencing reality other than simply the monotony of joyous sadness, joy sadness, joy sadness, and basically everyday life.
I think it's really nice that there gets to be another way, I just think it's really, really infuriating that in many countries, including the one I'm living in, mushrooms are illegal, you know.
They have made a species. Something that just grows in the ground, illegal to to distribute. Now what's really interesting is just in recent years there has been a resurgence in the medical investigation of psilocybin in particular, but other psychedelics as well.
The FDA, I think as recently as 2018 approved research into psilocybin. And that's really encouraging to know, but again, I'm thinking why is it taking this long, you know? Why are we quite far into the 21st century before governments like the United States government are starting to just loosen up a bit about this fungus that can have a profoundly positive impact on people's mental health because it reacts with, you know, I'm not gonna even attempt to be conversant in medicine at this point, but it reacts in a very tangible, verifiable way with the brain, with with the brain receptors. And it's, you know, essentially rewires your brain and gives you some clarity and can cure things like OCD and depression, and I've certainly just, you know, it's been a month now since the trip.
Just over a month, I've certainly felt my depressive symptoms be alleviated, I've certainly found more clarity and and just in case you're wondering oh no, is is this now trippy, Lloyd? Well, look, the last video I made on beards and Jehovah's Witnesses, that was post trip. So that's a sample of what I'm capable of doing, and I will be doing more videos like that. So don't worry. Everything's fine.
I just feel like this is part of my journey and it's certainly on topic when we're talking about spirituality and mental health, which I have talked about a lot on this channel, often in response to people calling in with voice mails who are really struggling with their mental health.
And it feels like and I understand mushrooms won't be for everybody. I certainly, you know, think people need to do their research and investigate very carefully before they have any experiences with psychedelics. But this is something that's growing in the ground and again, it just infuriates me that people have raised so many unnecessary obstacles when this is something that can have at least in my firsthand experience, it can make a tangible improvement to someone's mental health. I guess I will have more to say on this, or I may have more to say on this in the future.
I don't expect people to believe me or believe that I met God and I'm not even fully sure. I mean, I'm I'm I'm sure that I had an experience and the the conversation with the consciousness was as real as any conversation I could have with anyone. I mean sure that the method of communication was a bit weird being spoken to in my own voice in short message.
Again, I haven't shared everything about the trip. Maybe I'll share more in future videos, but the actual exchange was was real. I feel like I need to be a bit open minded on this and so that's where I'm at at the moment. I'm not being dogmatic. I'm not saying hey everyone.
Guess who's your new Messiah? Because that was actually one thing about the trip was I I learned that I am God and everybody's God. It's like Oprah. You get to be God and you get to be God and you get to be dod which is something I intend to ask questions about on my next trip if the opportunity presents itself, but I'm I'm not being dogmatic, but on the other hand, I'm not being dismissive. I'm I'm trying to find a middle ground where I get to, you know, pursue this introspective investigation of what happened to me and who I am and what is the nature of reality. Because I'm aware that you know the universe is a complicated thing. There are some who say it's just a simulation, and if it is, if it's if we are living in a simulation then wouldn't those who were running the simulation, or maybe even those participating in the simulation, might they not be considered gods? You know, these are, I guess, philosophical questions. And my friend who's approaching this from a more secular recreational point of view is recommending that I delve in to philosophy a little bit more to understand this. So that's what I that's one of the things I intend to do and in the weeks ahead.
But I did want to share this because I feel like it's relevant to my channel and you know, some of you care about me. Some of you want to see me happy and are aware that I've been through a lot of shit over the last couple of years. And maybe you'd like to know that I've had this really cool experience and I'm feeling better because of it. And maybe I'll be a little bit more open minded from now on regarding people who claim to have experiences of the divine.
But I also really want to explore this from a mental health point of view, because I feel as though mental health.
People who who have mental health problems are so poorly serviced in general. And here's a substance. Here's a molecule provided by nature that can help. So I'm interested to explore that more, whether it's in other videos or whether it's just in my own personal research and reflection. Who knows.
But I wanted to share this with you all that remains is to wish all of you a very happy and prosperous 2024 and as always, thank you for watching.