confused teenage witness

smias03

Hi everyone, this is my first post.. I have come to this site for almost 2 months but have been too scared to post... don't really know what I'm scared of but I even set up a different hotmail account when I registered... Anyway, I'm a 19/f who was raised a jw (baptised a year ago). I was homeschooled, and basically had no communication with the "world" even though my father is an unbeliever. My parents were divorced last year (unscriptual divorce from my JW mother).. and now I'm living with my dad and have not spoken to my mom, not because I have doubts about the truth (she doesn't know) but because she was a hypocrit and liar through the divorce. Now that I have been "drifting" I see the hypocrisy in the society, and want to get out. My problem is that being raised a witness, I had only one friend and didn't really have a social life other then the occasional "get-together", my friend stopped talking to me when I started missing alot of meetings, so I've been hanging out with other "drifters", but find it hard to make friends with non-witnesses. I'm looking for advice from those of you who have have left in your teen years.. how did you completely break away? I'm really scared and don't know if I could ever adjust to being completely "out there", and I also don't ever want to regret leaving.

Thanks for reading,

smias03

SpiceItUp

First off-----welcome to the board. Glad to have you here.

I stopped attending meetings when I was 17. Unlike you I was allowed to go to public school so I think that helped in many ways. I was allowed to build up "worldly" friendships.

My advice to you is to find a few things you like to do and then go to places where you can do those. Even go by yourself (I have done that many times and usually wound up talking to someone interesting)

Do you like sports? Then get involved in a local gym or sports activity.

Are you into acting/theatre? Then maybe try a local community theatre. Even if its for behind the scene work you will get some socialization.

Or even try a coffe shop. Take a book etc and just sit and relax. If you see someone that looks interesting just introduce yourself. I have found that most people will be friendly with you if you approach in a sincere manner. Maybe someone will even come up to you (If your book title catches their eye)

My other suggestion if you feel comfortable with telling us what general area you live (what country or if in the US--what state) because there might be some on the board that live near you that can be of support and good company. Lookout for the "Apostofest" as they usually generate a crowd of people that can sympathize with your issues.

You should never regret being able to live your life. Think of this as a self discovery. Do your own research and follow your heart. I won't lie to you...its been 9 years for me and I am still learning socially appropiate behavior..so its going to be a long road and not very easy but the reward of thinking for yourself is priceless.

Good luck to you and let me know if you live in FL.

Shutterbug

Welcome to the forum. You will find many here who can offer all kinds of support and understanding.

Having said the above, Spice gave you some good advice. Have you thought of college, do you currently have a job ? These things will be a good learning experience, and help as far as meeting people and gaining friends. If you live in Texas we have some very supportive and intelligent folks who can help. Not that other areas do not, its just that I'm familiar with the Texas former witnesses. At any rate you have several avenues open to you, it's up to you to take advantage of them. Bug

rocketman

Welcome to the board smias!

I think Spice gave you some good advice. Having been home schooled, you may have been at some disadvantage because you lost some contact with potential friends. There are ways to make up for that, and for the potential loss of jw friends. It'll take some time. Best of luck!

bebu

Hi smias03!

Never been a dub; but I used to be a teen... I'm really not the person you wanted for advice! Am writing mostly to give you a welcome. And just like you stuck your neck out here (I remember the feeling!!), in the same way you take a similar risk in "real life". So we know you can do it!

SpiceItUp is giving great advice, especially if you realize that good friends are those who share a common interest or similar values. Look at what interests you the most, get involved in the appropriate fashion, and you will find your best friends in those areas. Friendships get developed over time, but good friendships are well worth the risk!

Anyway, a warm welcome to you. People need community, even (and especially) xjws.

Have a great day!

bebu

Buster

You won't regret leaving. But you may always miss the friendships you built and resent the Society for getting in between. All these years later, I still think about my best friends growing up and lament that they never got to grow up into the men they should have become.

You have a wonderful road of self-discovery ahead. And I think you are wrong about the non-witnesses - they are easier to develop true friendships with. Can I make a suggestion? Enroll in a Comunity College. You'll be able to gauge your home-schooling effectiveness, and you'll make a ton of friends. Let some time go by and revisit the teachings that you so fervently believed at one time - you'll be amazed at how they look to you then.

Welcome!

smias03

I live in south florida, and I am currently enrolled in community college, but I'm really shy/quiet so I just go to class and leave right after (probably what most witnesses attending college do). As far as a job, I was working as a nanny for a family friend, but recently quit so I can find a job where I can meet more people, and maybe develop some non-witness relationships ... Thanks for all your comments, it really means alot to find a group I can talk to without feeling like I will be judged.

Liberty

Hi Smias03,

As others have suggested I would strongly recommend getting into college. Take advantage of your free youth and shyness by concentrating on a degree. Friends will come naturally as you busy yourself with school. You will not regret getting an education since all your hopes, dreams, and the level of freedom you will eventually enjoy depends upon a good job which, in turn, almost always requires a university degree. Do it now before you get tied down with a love interest and kids because it will only get harder to go back. Jws really cheat themselves when it comes to an education so don't end up in a low paying dead end job because some old fart Governing Body members in New York told you this was better. Living well is the best revenge.

ColdRedRain

I'm 2 years removed from being a teenager so I know how you're feeling right now. For other young XJW's, I have written this advice (posted on other XJW forums) 1. Don't try to indulge in everything the outside world has to offer. Because the Witlesses said something was bad, doesn't mean it's good. Use your common sense. If it's going to kill you, don't do it. 2. Try to be outgoing with those that are on the outside world. It will make the transition much better. 3. When you're outgoing, be cheery, but don't try to overwhelm them or creep them out. You're used to a life of lovebombing, people on the outside world aren't. 4. If you feel like you need to go back to them, ask yourself if you would really feel comfortable going door to door trying to encourage people to enter into a sheltered, filtered, Orwellian existence. Be strong, and just remember, if God is out there, he's going to bless you for no longer promoting outlandish lies about him.

DJ

Hi and WELCOME!
I have to say that it is common for xjws at any age to have difficulty making friends. We were raised with a terrible view of people. Just do as Jesus said, love your neighbor...treat others the way you want to be treated and you will do fine. The master himself taught us that! I'm glad that you have your dad. Many here have no one. We will serve as your friends until you can make live ones! We understand you and have all suffered too. Feel free to just speak your mind and ask all the questions that you'd like to. Love, dj

confused teenage witness

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