by teejay 28 Replies latest jw friends
Well, I did a couple of years of AA. I think that counts as therapy I love the way you put it:
if you're honest with them and, more importantly with yourself, not always but often YOU YOURSELF will blurt out the answer to your problem -- and man! What a beautiful thing when that happens!
"To thine own self be true."
Craig
No, I never went to see a therapist, and never felt the need to go. I'm happy and healthy, and have no problems I can't solve by my own. I never see any kind of doctors BTW. I try to understand my physical and emotional traits, and I deal with it rather well. Being hypersensitive, I can pinpoint a problem and solve it myself.
Having a close friend or spouse you can confide in is often a good equivalent. For those on the fence, you can't go to your friends because that is apostasy, but you probably don't have any non-JW friends that you can talk to, at least not anyone who would understand.
Yes its the greatest investment I made for myself. Worth every penny. I've known her for 19 yrs. During some of those years I took breaks. I reconnected a couple yrs ago.
I admire her patience and fortitude. She had to pull teeth to get me to talk the first few years. I learned alot from her as well she from me. She 's had the education on the ways of the jw's.
When others who are seeking a therapist. I recommend to shop around. You are the one who is making the investment.
And to connect with various support groups. They are like life preservers!!
OCW
I couldn't agree more. The objectivity from a total stranger who's been trained and has the experience of having seen many of the problems you have is, for the lack of a better term, nothing less than a godsend.
Absolutely. I've been trying to get someone else to understand this. They feel like what has happened is so bad it's ruined their life and simply talking about it won't change what happened. And it won't. But I think the point of therapy oftentimes is to change how we feel about what happened.
Like with your experience teejay, those four words didn't alter the past, but it caused you to look at the past, and your role in it, differently. And that in turn caused your emotions and your outlook to change.
If you can find a good therapist, whose personality meshes with yours, it is indeed godsend. So much positivity and healing takes place. But if you get a bad one, look out. I saw 8 different therapists in 6 years. 7 of them must have bought their diplomas from Psychologists R Us. But the 8th, turned everything around.
oh yeah. therapy was instrumental in helping me to purge myself of someconsuming anger at certain of my family members. although i went there with a different issue in mind, the first thing she said was, "ok, tell me about your family."
over the year and a half i was in therapy all the stuff came tumbling out. many sessions ended in a puddle of tears.
it also was helpful that this particular therapist grew up with a jw friend and had been close to her family. she had also counseled several alcoholic elders.
I have seen a couple of therapists- neither very good but excellent lessons on what not to do in therapy.
The first one wanted to mother me and tell me what to do. In spite of her or maybe because of her I began to take the steps I needed to change my life. The last thing I needed was one more person telling me what to do. This was back in the beginning of the recovery movement and finding anyone who knew anything about abuse took me 11 years. So I stuck with her a while and learned to be honest with myself about my needs THAT was the power of that therapy. One really positive thing this therapist did with me was cry. For the first time in my life someone thought my experience was bad enough to cry about. That validated my pain more than anything else she could have done
With the second therapist I felt like I had to teach her how to help me. I think I mostly knew what I needed but after leaving the borg and not having anyone to talk to at least I could go and hear myself talk.
Having sat on the other side of the desk I am always awed by the strength of survivors of any kind of abuse. We rarely believe in our strength but have spent our lives taking care of not only ourselves but most often everybody else. Watching people grow and begin to believe in themselves and their power to recreate themselves is such an privilege
Yeah I've been in therapy and I had very positive experiences. The first time I was in group therapy or so I would like to call it. Unusual, a group of sisters and I got together and started an ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) group. Much to the chargrin of the Elders who tried there best to quash it, even writing to "WTS" and getting advise on how get us to stop. "WTS" final report was that we would have to have a licensed and trained therapist facilitate the group, so we got one who had never done ACOA work, she looked at it as an extension of her therapy training, so we met the criteria of the WTS and the Elders had to leave us alone. It worked incredibly well, was great stuff!
From doing the group work I found areas that I was stuck, I was miserable and that is when I went into private therapy. I've got to say the first time I was a bit terrified, but it didn't last. I really didn't gel with my first therapist but did gel with her associate and we worked well together. I went to her off and on for several years. She also came from religously disfunctional background which maybe was one of the reasons we connected so well, also her daughter in law was a JW so she had some inside information from her as to what the JW's believed which was a help in our therapy cuz I was still a big time dubbie back then. One of the best things she taught me was visualization, and relaxing techniques. I really did learn some incredible life coping skills from therapy.
I really wish there wasn't such a stigma on seeking therapy. To me it's no different than going to a dentist if you have a toothache. Why not go to a therapist if you have a broken spirit/mind? You really do yourself a favor by getting the right kind of help when needed. I've learned things to help me now and understand myself so much better, I wish I had sought out therapy years before I finally went, maybe I could have saved myself a lot of grief.........sigh.
It did seem to me that group therapy moves much faster, I really liked working with a group and wouldn't hesitate to go back into therapy if I felt the need.
Big Tex:
Like with your experience teejay, those four words didn't alter the past, but it caused you to look at the past, and your role in it, differently. And that in turn caused your emotions and your outlook to change.
So true you can't change the past, you can learn from it and make a better future, IMHO.
Katie
Yes, I just started. I felt better after just one appointment!
When your therapist said, " You were a believer ", what did she mean? Did she know what it was like, to get deprogrammed? I have heard of therapists whom deal lots with ex-jw's because of the emotional abuse from the elders....
The therapist offers a safe environment in which the client can express and explore their feelings, if the therapist offers congruence, is non-judgmental and is genuine, the empathic process will cause the client to self discover where by they will naturally find what it is that is causing the disturbance in their lives. It sounds simple, but it is very successful. -- Brummie
I took a first year psychology class in college. There are three or four different methods (theories) that are all meant to do just what you said: have the patient to draw up from within the solution. It's true: the truth lies within.
It is a safe haven, and it's a blessing to talk to someone who is totally objective. Sometimes just hearing myself talk about stuff helps me figure it out, and more often than not the doctor gives me something to think about, or gently leads me in a direction I wouldn't have thought to go. Big Tex is excellent for helping me get my feelings out and letting me yell into a pillow if I need to, or cry hysterically for an hour. The right therapist can make all the difference. – Cruzanheart/Nina
Kinda goes hand in hand with Brummie's comment, huh? I don't see why a loved one who is objective and non-judgmental COULDN'T serve the same purpose, maybe even better than a professional since the loved one knows you so much better. Good for you, Nina. And Big Tex.
I remember when I told him that I would be excommunicated and my parents wouldn't speak to me if I disagreed openly about my parents religion. He about fell out of his chair. That was when I realized this religion was really screwed up. – unique1
What did I say about epiphanies!!? Something may seem totally normal to us... until we view it from somebody else's point of view!
He is like you Teejay always very black and white and he sees not colors of gray.
SheilaM ,
Correction. It was the person I was as a JW that only saw things in black and white.
Now? I ONLY see grays. Obviously many of the things that I once thought were right (field service, labeling people into categories, "my religion is the only right one", Jehovah is god's name, etc) I don't even believe anymore; and much of what I once thought was wrong (voting, celebrating holidays, serving in the military, homosexuality, sex before marriage) I've come to see is up to the individual.
Well, I did a couple of years of AA. I think that counts as therapy... "To thine own self be true."
I know what you mean, Onacruse. If a person is honest, they're at least 70% of the way toward recovery and help. The people who never acknowledge the problem in the first place – who are always shifting the blame – are the ones who never find the answer to what's wrong with them. (BTW, I didn't go for two years, but I've gone to several AA meetings and found them to be head over heels to any JW meeting I'd ever attended.)
I never went to see a therapist, and never felt the need to go. I'm happy and healthy, and have no problems I can't solve by my own. I never see any kind of doctors BTW. I try to understand my physical and emotional traits, and I deal with it rather well. Being hypersensitive, I can pinpoint a problem and solve it myself. – JH
I think it takes a pivotal event in a person's life that makes them even think there's a need to seek help. Either that or the creeping realization that "something is wrong and I'm going to find out what it is."
If it hadn't been for my contentious marriage(s), the idea would never have crossed my mind to seek out a professional, either. Even when I was a hardcore JW I always saw myself as a pretty settled and centered person. Even though I am, I still benefited from the experience.
Having a close friend or spouse you can confide in is often a good equivalent. For those on the fence, you can't go to your friends because that is apostasy, but you probably don't have any non-JW friends that you can talk to, at least not anyone who would understand. – gcc2k
I agree with you 100%. See what Cruzanheart said above. I think being able to talk to a loved one who's non-judgmental would be a tremendously useful outlet. The only problem is that they are biased toward us (favorably or negatively) and may not say or even know exactly what we need to hear in order to help us best. To be the best, what we hear has to come from a person who's not only non-judgmental but totally objective.
As far as the JWs go (or anyone in a high control group), they are really in a jam. It's like you say: they can't be open and honest with "the friends" because of the repercussions and they can't talk to "worldly" people either because who'd understand? It's just another reason why I feel for them.
