Yes its the greatest investment I made for myself. Worth every penny. I admire her patience and fortitude. She had to pull teeth to get me to talk the first few years. I learned alot from her as well she from me. She 's had the education on the ways of the jw's. – Oldcrowwoman
It can't be stressed enough that the only way a therapist can help is if the patient is open and honest. Telling a doctor that your foot hurts when it's your hand is a waste of time and money.
They feel like what has happened is so bad it's ruined their life and simply talking about it won't change what happened. And it won't. But I think the point of therapy oftentimes is to change how we feel about what happened. Like with your experience teejay, those four words didn't alter the past, but it caused you to look at the past, and your role in it, differently. And that in turn caused your emotions and your outlook to change. – Big Tex
Well said.
No, the past is the past and can't be changed, but a therapist can go a long way toward helping you put things into perspective so that the future can be better than you imagined. The four words that my therapist said to me lifted a lot of mental weight off of me. They were a key that unlocked the door to me forgiving myself for all the years I had wasted as a JW. It was okay that I had done what I did. I had been a believer and had done what believers do. I wasn't stupid – just a believer like so many others have been and still are all over the world. Like Oldcrowwoman said, "Worth every penny."
although i went there with a different issue in mind, the first thing she said was, "ok, tell me about your family." – nowisee
I wonder if you said something to your therapist that gave her a clue to what was at the heart of your problems. Like I believe, we hold the answer within us and you probably said something that she picked up on. Glad that you were helped, nowisee.
I have seen a couple of therapists- neither very good but excellent lessons on what not to do in therapy.... Having sat on the other side of the desk I am always awed by the strength of survivors of any kind of abuse. We rarely believe in our strength but have spent our lives taking care of not only ourselves but most often everybody else. --
Lady Lee
You make a good point. As it is in every other profession, there are incompetent therapists. At least they taught you what you WEREN'T looking for. As for the comment that you "sat on the other side of the desk"... does that mean that you're a therapist now?
I really wish there wasn't such a stigma on seeking therapy. To me it's no different than going to a dentist if you have a toothache. Why not go to a therapist if you have a broken spirit/mind? You really do yourself a favor by getting the right kind of help when needed. – bikerchic
Nice way of looking at it. But there *is* a stigma with getting therapy. Personally, I didn't care who (or if) someone knew. I needed help and I knew I needed help. That self-admission was a major step. (Interesting experience about the ACOA group you started and how you went about getting the wts off your back... the pricks.)
When your therapist said, "You were a believer", what did she mean? Did she know what it was like, to get deprogrammed? I have heard of therapists whom deal lots with ex-jw's because of the emotional abuse from the elders.... – shamus
No, she said I was the first JW she'd ever counseled. (I asked her that.) She told me that she *had* been raised by a pretty strict father who was a pastor in a mainstream religion (I forgot which one) so she was very familiar with what it was like being raised to have rigid views about everything. She had been a believer, too, so a lot of what I talked about made sense to her since she'd seen/experienced much of it herself growing up. I guess I got lucky finding someone like her.
I never went, because I was afraid to let on to anybody that I was having some serious misgivings about JWism, and I knew this would come out in therapy. I wasn't ready for that. I thought that the "group therapy" on this board would be enough, along with reading self-help and books to help me deprogram... I've had 5 sessions over the past 5 weeks and it's been great great great, I've really connected with him. Very smart guy, he remembers everything I say, and he really seems to care. – DanTheMan
That's really cool, Dan! In some ways you sound like me. Like I told JH, I thought I was pretty normal and, if I had a problem I could solve it myself. Not so... not any more than I could do my own dental work. Part of my trepidation probably came from my years of hearing about how evil "worldly" doctors were and the feeling that the fix to my problem was simply a matter of praying more or going out in service more.
Your case is so typical, especially with those leaving JWs. Even where you talked about the cynicism and pessimism. I don't think it's possible for a person to be a JW for very long without developing a serious case of mental issues that takes time and objective help to fix.
It sounds like you're on your way, Dan! Good for you, my man!
He has helped me put the shattered pieces of my mind back together, and has literally saved my life. he is helping me regain my self esteem-something that had been stomped into the ground. JWS have told me that he just has a "gravy train". Well , i see it as the same as any other doc. they all go to all kinds of alterantive docs and insurance does not cover them.. My emotional health is as important as any other aspect of my health. – Wednesday
I'm glad that you have found someone who has helped you. I think there are very few people who have spent time as Dubs who wouldn't benefit from counseling. That's especially true if they've left the group and have begun to build a life outside of the Society. The way wt teachings warps the mind is incredible. It takes time and a bit of skill and proper direction to get back to being "normal." Keep working, Wednesday!
