After the meeting last night Italked to some of the elders in the car park, and asked what more I neede to do to get reinstated.
They commended me on the things I've been doing (?), and said the main point for reinstating would be how much contact I've been having with my fiance, who's still a wittness. She lives down the country, so we speak on the phone a few times a day, and see each other when we can - not as much as we'd like, and very little since I was DF'd. They said if we'd had any contact at all, even just a phone call, it would show not following counsel and not reinstate me. They would contact her elders, and have her in a judicial committee for not shunning me. Knowing her, she would refuse to break off contact and would therefore be DF'd. I haven't found being DF'd too bad, at least now I get some peace, but she wouldn't be able to cope with it, it would totally destroy her. And it would cause huge fomily problems for her too. Thats why I was going to get reinstated, get married, then both fade away. I couldn't even lie in the committee about seeing her, because they know we've met up, but haven't done anything about it. They said they would if they asked me in a committee and I said I had had contact. So if I denied it, they would know I was lying ablut it and not reinstate me.
If I try to get reinstated, she'll end up getting disfellowshipped. If we just see each other any way, she'll get disfellowshipped. This also happens if we break contact from now til I get reinstated, because of how much contact we've had, and her attitude towards it.
So they basically told me if I try to do anything other than just walk away from everything, getting reinstated, fiance, ect, they'll get HER, knowing what the effect on her would be.......B*****ds.