Last night I asked about getting reinstated... (page 3)

garybuss

Disfellowshipped is the perfect way to go on being a Witness. I can to go meetings if I want to and if I stay home, nobody calls to see where I was. If I do go to meetings, none of the Witnesses talk to me and that is a big improvement. I don't have to do service which I hated anyway, and I don't have to worry about being called on to pray . . . plus I don't have to prepare or give talks.

No Witnesses are calling to borrow my appliance cart or my mower. I am going to call to find out how I can be sure the shunning continues. It's the best thing since sliced bread.

Mr. Kim

GaryBuss,

That is a great way to look at it.

Kim

Gadget

Garybuss, thats great! Since being DF'd I've never had so much time just to do what I want to. Its made such a difference. I don't think I'll be able to get reinstated now. People can say what they want to me, but their out of order when they try to use others, people I care about, to get at me. If they started on at me again about it I don't think I could hold it in. I barely did the other night. I'll have to wait and see what she says about it. She can't fade at home whilst living with an elder, and if we just get together anyway she'll get DF'd. I don't think she'd let herself get DF'd, and I don't think I could let her knowing what effect it would have.

Gadget

Garybuss, thats great! Since being DF'd I've never had so much time just to do what I want to. Its made such a difference. I don't think I'll be able to get reinstated now. People can say what they want to me, but their out of order when they try to use others, people I care about, to get at me. If they started on at me again about it I don't think I could hold it in. I barely did the other night. I'll have to wait and see what she says about it. She can't fade at home whilst living with an elder, and if we just get together anyway she'll get DF'd. I don't think she'd let herself get DF'd, and I don't think I could let her knowing what effect it would have.

ISP

Gadget, if you got married to your fiancee, why do you think she would get DF'd?

ISP

Prisca

Gadget, if you got married to your fiancee, why do you think she would get DF'd?

It's WTS policy. The one who is marrying the DF'd person is regarded as "unevenly yoking themself togther" with the df'd person. I mean, they threaten to df you if you merely speak or associate with a df'd person, so getting married (a permanent association) is considered the ultimate betrayal.

Gadget, I know you are in a very difficult position but somewhere down the line one of you will have to make a sacrifice in order for you two to be together. If she really wants you, your fiancee needs to work with you as a team, with the end goal in sight. This is a real test of the love you have for each other, but will also establish a foundation for the future of your relationship.

ISP

Prisca, I know what you are saying but marriages out of the truth happen all the time. It would be interesting to see what they would do. I dont see them DF'ing.

ISP

Prisca

A person who marries a non-JW won't necessarily be disfellowshipped - unless there are particular circumstances. However, a person who marries a Df'd person will get Df'd themselves. I remember reading it in a WT article many years ago; I've tried looking for it on a WT cd but I can't find the article.

Thirdson

Gadget,

A situation I knew, though slightly different, may help also. A sister I grew up with started dating a man she worked with. He started a study with a local elder and attended all the meetings. I befriended the guy and regularly met up on court at a local gym where he was well known. During this time he continued to see the sister. The elders intervened and decided that the guy (remember he was not yet a JW) was a divorcee and that his grounds for divorce where unscriptural and therefore he wasn't free to remarry. The elders gave a local needs talk on being unevenly yoked. About 2 weeks later the couple got married and moved away.

The elders immediately disfellowshipped the sister and declared the guy disapproved (those where the days when you were supposed to shun formerly approved associates). The couple attended meetings in their new location and after about 2 years were reinstated. (Apparently, a lot of letters were exchanged and they later told me that the body of elders in the new congregation thought the elders in my congregation were well out of line with their actions and delaying tactics.)

It was a big decision for this sister. She knew what was going to happen and that there would be some pain involved. But she made the decision she felt was right and the best for her happiness. There was a huge amount of sympathy for her action although most of us were too dumb and controlled to buck the rules. He never did become a JW and they returned to the local area for a while. She faded almost immediately but at least she got her family back. We all moved on, went different ways with regard to religion and location.

This happened 20 years ago. Last year I found this sister on a high school reunion site and have gotten back in contact. Life goes on and it gets better.

Thirdson

bebu

What about your fiancee? Has she talked about what she would do? Is she pressuring you to be reinstated? If she is, and you were going to do this , is she prepared to cut off all communication for the time it takes to be reinstated?

Has she thought out a plan "B"? If so you should have quite a project in working with her toward a solution. If you discover that it is exasperating to solve this with her, then you might have a clue about how frustrating your marriage might be (and also, if she carries bitterness into it because of sacrifices she's had to make for you--because of what you told her to do, etc.).

On the other hand, if she is committed to you and you can find a solution TOGETHER, then this will show that your marriage can snap away from the remote control of the WT. That would be a good sign of your marriage being able to weather what married life can hurl at you.

Even if things don't work out at this time, events can happen anytime that could bring you together again in the future when circumstances are better.

Best wishes in all your planning and plotting,

bebu

Last night I asked about getting reinstated...

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