oh good grief. DON'T do it!!
if anything tell him you will marry him only if he leaves the jws!!
My Becoming a JW
by Juliana 35 Replies latest jw friends
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concerned mama
Hi Juliana and welcome to the board,
We are not JW. My teenage daughter had a JW boyfriend for over 2 years, and boy, did we learn a lot. She found he was not up front, at all, about JW life, and the information we found on this forum was very valuable and very correct. Ask him to give you the "Secret of Family Happiness Book". Read it carefully, because that is how he has been taught married life should go.On the surface it sounds OK, fidelity, communication and all that, but when you read it critically you realize that the Jehovah's Witness organization and all it's rules, including headship, would be first in your marriage, not each other. Learn everything you can about his religion, because the more you know the scarier it gets. You would be required to live by all the Watchtower rules.
Also check out http://members.aol.com/beyondjw/inlove.htm.
Go to the members directory on this forum and look up a poster named "Jaina". Read from the beginning on page one. This lady believed the very best of her fiance, and eventually his religion destroyed their relationship and broke her heart. She is only one of many who have come to this forum with their questions. In all honesty, I can't recall any where the mixed relationship has worked, or where the partner converted and was happy.
E mail me if you want at [email protected]..
Be strong and don't stop investigating. Let us know how you are doing or if you need any more information.
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Maverick
Dear sweat Juliana: RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN,and never look back!!!!!! Maverick
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Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.
Juliana,
Think about becoming a.............oh, anything would be better than becoming a dub. Just get a little cheeses in your life.
Remember - let cheeses take you by the hand.
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Silverleaf
Juliana,
It's hard to give up someone you love, but the posters on this board know what they're talking about. I was engaged to a JW many years ago and I was fortunate enough [also not having been raised in a religious household] to see the writing on the wall. I was heartbroken to end the relationship, but looking back - now that I am a Pagan, married to a Pagan and raising my children Pagan, I can see all the misery I saved myself.
Please think long and hard about your relationship with your fiance. Love is not enough to get through the problems you will face dealing with this destructive religion. Bear in mind most importantly that he is required to put his religion first at all times, not YOU, not your CHILDREN, his RELIGION is first always. If he is truly honest he will tell you that, and you need to be fully aware of that fact before you get into a situation, like marriage, that you can't get out of easily.
I wish you luck,
Silverleaf
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worldlygirl
if anything tell him you will marry him only if he leaves the jws!!
This sounds like reasonable advice, but let me tell you from experience . . . JW's don't mind lying to you if they feel it is in their "spiritual" best interest (theocratic warfare strategy). My husband promised not to go back, but did so anyway AFTER we were married. His excuse is just that his promise to Jehovah takes precedence over any other promises he has made to anyone - namely me.
Sorry to be the bearer of such bad news. PM me if you want to talk. And keep posting here - these people are the greatest!
Worldlygirl
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Freedomrules
Just to add my two cents. I was raised as a JW and married a non-JW (kind of the reverse of your situation). I left on my own, no one prompted me too and my husband claimed that he did not mind if I remained a JW. I didn't want to, having seen on my own the myriads of things that are wrong with that religion/organization. My parents, however, are JWs, as are my sisters, and I think my husband sees now how difficult it would have been for us to be together if I was a JW. Esp when kids come along, people tend to get very touchy about certain subjects. Okay, I am cognizant of the fact that I am rambling some (I'm really tired -- sorry), but trust me and others when we say a relationship between a JW and a non-JW will not work, ever. Both of you will be miserable in the end. Sorry to have to tell it like it is....
Good luck,
Freedomrules
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jgnat
My honey is a JW, and I am not. I am very strong in my beliefs, and I have made it clear from the beginning that I would never convert. Nevertheless, having the JW's in our life is like having an extra mistress in the bed.
Has your fiancee introduced you to anyone at his church? Really, you are not the kind of woman he is supposed to bring "home". I wonder about his honesty. This might not be intentional. He might be lying to himself.
I can almost guarantee your fiancee sees you as ambivalent in your beliefs, and therefore convertable to his religion. This worries me because I wonder how much time he has spent getting to really understand you and your thoughts. Also, you could not "fake" a conversion easily, as this religion demands a great from you mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you did go through the motions, I think you would be doing so at great personal cost.
Women, especially non-JW women, have no voice in the Watchtower Society. That is why I love this board so much. It is my lifeline.
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dedalus
For a long time after I left the cult I had a difficult time calling it a cult, such is the power of this cult.
Dedalus
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TD
Greetings Juliana,
My wife is JW. I am not.
I think some here might possibly have been a little hard on your fiance. Avoiding the stigma within the JW community associated with wedding an "unbeliever" is no doubt a factor, but probably not his primary motive. If he truly subscribes to the JW worldview, then he honestly wants to steer you away from the "broad road leading to destruction" and save your life at Armageddon, which for JW's is always just around the corner. So from his point of view, "love" certainly has something to do with wishing you to convert.
It's also a great paradox within the JW community that average rank & file members are often woefully ignorant of what their parent organization taught just 30 - 50 years ago. It's quite likely that your fiance would be inclined to argue with some of the things (e.g. Changing views on transfusion and organ transplants) that have been posted in this thread. (Of course a good way to resolve that issue would be to simply send him here and see how he fares!)
Despite these excuses I've made, everything that's been posted in this thread is true in my opinion. Women, especially intelligent women are not treated well within the JW community in many ways. Even for the men, the term "intellectual freedom" is pretty much a meaningless concept. Anyone, male or female, that does not toe the line is subject to exclusion and ostracism. For all practical purposes, you either accept all of it or none of it. The JW community is so intellectually sterile in fact that concepts as basic to a healthy society as "loyal opposition" are virtually nonexistent.
Tom