I talked to my daughter today

ESTEE

Hi Everyone!

As many of you may be aware, I am disfellowshipped and live in the same city as my daughter...we work a block away from each other in Downtown Vancouver. Occasionally, I drop flowers off at the reception desk for her, with my home card, my business card, etc. Well, today was the day when I decided to take it a step further.

I made a deal with myself over lunch today. There is a wonderful street vendor where I pick up bunches of flowers for myself occasionally. I said to myself, "Here's the deal...if the kiosk has Peonies, I will buy some and stop by her office, otherwise I won't do the flowers thingy today." Well, when I arrived at the kiosk, the lady had dozens and dozens of the most lovely scented Peonies! They are seasonal and last for only a short time and they are gone. So I bought an armload of them for $8 and decided that today would be the day that I would ask to speak to Heather.

I introduced myself to one of the bellboys/guys/persons in the lobby and he offered to go and get her for me. So I waited for about five minutes and there she was! I smiled and got up and said, "Hi, Heather!"

Heather was expressionless. For a second I thought she was going to ignore me and walk right past me, as a passive-aggressive act. She probably didn't do that because she felt that too many people knew her there, and since I obviously knew her and was excited to see her, it would look inappropriate. She said, "Let's walk." So I walked alongside her, happily...waiting for the moment to present her with my lovely armload of peonies.

We walked down a corridor and toward an outside lobby....kind of a mall-like setting in the hotel corridor. There were not very many people around. She could barely look me in the face as she said in a very expressionless tone of voice, "I asked you not to try and contact me..."

My calm reply was, "So this is a conditional love. So typical of the love and mercy that the elders displayed toward me. Heather....this is not God's way..."

She walked away from me, and I knew not to follow her. I took my armload of flowers back to my office and gave them to my work mate. I knew Shellene would appreciate them.

Okay, I'm thinking.....I wanted Heather to hear a message about a higher kind of consciousness... put a new thought in her head about the kind of love that the dubs offer, in contrast to the kind of love that I feel from my inner-goddess. Okay.....?

I wanted her to see the difference in me after being outta the dubs for four years. I have never looked or felt better! She looks terrible....with a gray pallor to her skin. She had no aura....She looks very unhappy. Her shoulders are stooped. I sensed an emptiness in her soul. I was hoping that at least if she was sticking with the dubs that she was happy there!

Sad...

I would love some feedback on this experience.

Love,

ESTEE

Brummie

Good to see you ESTEE, nice to see you got those emoticons under wraps too

Its a sad experience but you probaby gave those flowers to the people who deserve them more.

As expressionless as she was I dont think she doesnt care for you, I think the expression was practised, all JWs are taught to pretend not to be affected by their emotions in such situations.

You did your part and thats what matters, your display of love and health will have her wishing for something better than she has currently.

Thumbs up to you ESTEE. I'm sorry you are in this situation in the first place.

Brummie

nilfun

That's so sad, Estee. I'm sorry that she's treating you so badly, but what can you do? You have gone out of your way to show her that you have unconditional love for her--that you love her no matter what--but she still says that she doesn't want you to contact her anymore, just like a good JW should. So sad, ((((Estee)))

Hopefully she will wake up one day.

outnfree

ESTEE,

I think you did very well! I'm sure, if you've been sending

flowers there regularly, that your daughter realized that those flowers

were intended for her, and also that by her attitude she made it impossible

for you to bestow them upon her. Since you have had so little contact, the

episode will play over and over in her mind whenever she thinks of you. In

the replay she will not fail to note how open and warm and happy you seemed.

I think it will move her. I'm sure she misses you.

outnfree (who wishes the dubs weren't sucking her energy levels dry!)

gumby

Estee,

There have been some sad family stories here lately and this is surely one of them. For a religion to get in the way of the human bond is a human tradgedy. Here's some advise...

Okay, I'm thinking.....I wanted Heather to hear a message about a higher kind of consciousness... put a new thought in her head about the kind of love that the dubs offer, in contrast to the kind of love that I feel from my inner-goddess.

Don't try this if you get another chance! I know you didn't say this to her but only WANTED to say it.........but I'm glad you didn't. Not a good starting point to rekindle your relationship.

You asked for advise and this is mine.......if you ever CAN speak with her again.....don't bring up sprituality for starters. Just show her you love her, miss her, and stay off religious subjects. Thats the quickest way to turn a dub off unless they are ripe for learning thing outside of the borg and you know they are.

I remember Jesika posting a few days ago about...'OMG I found my friend"...something like that anyways. It gave me also the idea to contact some very close but lost dub friends. If I do this.......religion won't come up unless they invite it. They expect it and are on guard for this type of thing coming out of your mouth and they have their red flags ready.

I wish you the best gal

Gumby

ESTEE

Everyone who responded...thank you sooooo much!!!

Brummie wrote:

Good to see you ESTEE, nice to see you got those emoticons under wraps too

Sheeeesh, Brummmm….I just figure that emoticons punctuate my true feelings about the issue under discussion is all. Sooo….I’m kinda over-expressive, you think??? Just fer you...I'll control my emoticons...

you probaby gave those flowers to the people who deserve them more.

Sadly, yes….I know…

As expressionless as she was I don’t think she doesn’t care for you, I think the expression was practised, all JWs are taught to pretend not to be affected by their emotions in such situations.

For sure, Brummie. She is doing what the elders -- and I -- taught her to do, by rote. I accept responsibility for my part in this equation.

You did your part and that’s what matters, your display of love and health will have her wishing for something better than she has currently. Thumbs up to you ESTEE

Thanks, Brummie. That is the “message” I was desiring to convey to her. Glad you picked up on that, because then I figure I presented it accurately. BTW...I think you are an awesome presence on this forum. I don’t regret being disfellowshipped, except for the loss of my kids in my life. I see now that a slow fade may be the way to go…..May others on this forum take this example to heart!

nilfun wrote:

That's so sad, Estee. I'm sorry that she's treating you so badly, but what can you do? You have gone out of your way to show her that you have unconditional love for her--that you love her no matter what--but she still says that she doesn't want you to contact her anymore, just like a good JW should. So sad, ((((Estee))) Hopefully she will wake up one day.

Exactly, nilfun…she is doing the "good witless" thingy…it is what I taught her!!! I feel responsible. Weird how she is showing love for me in the way she follows my footsteps. Ahhh!!!….She has not followed fully…yet! There is the “leaving the duds” part still!!!! hehehe!!

outnfree wrote:

In the replay she will not fail to note how open and warm and happy you seemed. I think it will move her. I'm sure she misses you. outnfree (who wishes the dubs weren't sucking her energy levels dry!)

Thanks outnfree! I was really hoping that since she was still a dub, that at least she would feel happy there... The gray-pallor thingy gives me a message, too!!!…Namely, that the dub-isms are not working for her… in her life. Perhaps it is just a matter of time before she searches for a new spiritual path…one that will work, where she will feel happy and at peace. I’ll be there for her when that happens!

Gumby wrote:

ESTEE

oooops...to continue where the thread cut me off:

Gumby wrote:

ESTEE

Simon!!!!....H-A-L-P!!!!! This thread won't let me most the rest of my message!!!!

ESTEE

dannyboy

Estee,

Jeeez, what an experience.

My heart goes out to you.

---Dan

Brummie

Just fer you...I'll control my emoticons...

arrghhh no, they really do emphasise what you are saying, I like em. Funny thing is, if your daughter posted here she wouldnt be able to express any of these emoticons, they have to pretend they are emotionless, funny but I guess JW sites dont need emoticons huh.

ESTEE I think you did the right thing in your disfellowshipment, I didnt slow fade either, some can some cant, I couldnt, I would have still been there now trying to severe emotional ties if I had slow faded. It had to be quick for me. Each have a way of dealing with things.

Keep us updated

One day she may realise she has an awesome mother.

Brummie

I talked to my daughter today

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