Soooo....I'll try this again! ...and I notice that I have even more responses!!! Yipeeee!!! What an awesome place this is!!!!
Gumby wrote:
There have been some sad family stories here lately and this is surely one of them. For a religion to get in the way of the human bond is a human tragedy.
Yes….when religion becomes an obsession…. and life is merely about survivial instead of passion, the religion has gone too far!
Re: the wanting Heather to hear a message about a higher kind of consciousness…The message I intended for her…..was to sense -- not a verbal message -- it was a subconscious, spiritual message. I wanted her to str-r-r-r-r-retch her consciousness to realize beyond the dub-ism of “How could mom be happy if she is not a dub?” I want her to wrestle with the possibility of….”Hmmmm….she looks wonderful!...How come? What am I missing here? She is “supposed” to be miserable without Jeehoober in her life!” She will then begin a new spiritual journey of her own self-discovery!!! I hold that desire in my consciousness. I also release it to the time when it will be a reality.
You asked for advise and this is mine.......if you ever CAN speak with her again.....don't bring up sprituality for starters. Just show her you love her, miss her, and stay off religious subjects. Thats the quickest way to turn a dub off unless they are ripe for learning thing outside of the borg and you know they are.
I know you are right about this, Gumby. I will not attempt to communicate with her again. I figure the ball is in her court now. She needs time to digest seeing her “new improved” mom, when she was thinking I’d be a broken wreck for leaving the duds.
DannyBoy wrote:
Estee, Jeeez, what an experience. My heart goes out to you. ---Dan
Geeez…Dan….where you been??!!! Thanks, it’s nice seeing you in here! Take care of yourelf, eh! (oops! The Canadian-ism kinda slipped outta meee….)
Brummie wrote re: emoticons...
arrghhh no, they really do emphasise what you are saying, I like em. Funny thing is, if your daughter posted here she wouldnt be able to express any of these emoticons, they have to pretend they are emotionless, funny but I guess JW sites dont need emoticons huh.
Yikes, a dub with a desire! Perish the thought!!! LOL!!! Ooops, that’s what got meeeee where I am today!! Maybe it’s a good thing!!
ESTEE I think you did the right thing in your disfellowshipment, I didnt slow fade either, some can some cant, I couldn’t, I would have still been there now trying to severe emotional ties if I had slow faded. It had to be quick for me. Each have a way of dealing with things. One day she may realise she has an awesome mother.
A case of the elders making my decision for me….It’s what I needed to move on outta dud-land, though…So…thanks Saskatoon elders!!!<waves>
RAYZORBLADE wrote:
((((ESTEE)))) - initially, I nearly jumped out of my chair and almost out the window when I saw the title to this thread. I am, first off, proud of you for having the guts to do this very difficult task. You and I have spoken at great length about this. I know how much this tears you up deep inside. Even those of us watching from a distance are … so enthusiastic with regards to your on-going loving attempts at 'not giving up on your daughter' (and your son as well). It must have been a bit nerve-wracking at first. But, it must have been nice to see her.
I was feeling nervous over lunch, while deciding what my course of action would be. My decision was finalized at the flower kiosk when I saw all the awesome peonies bobbing at me and winking, so cute-like! Thing is, I seek to understand this thing from her perspective, because I would love to help. The duds have the scenario set up differently, though…she is supposed to resist…and she is a very obedient and submissive dud, I see.
It's cute, Mom right away can see her daughter is not at her best. You so want the 'BEST' for her, her health, her appearance, and her lack of 'love' in her life.
Awwwwww…..Ray…you got me crying here….and it has nothing to do with the Pan Flute music in the background…
Heather sadly enough, still has that awful WTS thinking still hanging off of her ankle like a ball and chain.
Accurately described. Obsessive religion…
Estee, it's interesting when WE stop playing by the WTBTS rules. It is so much more free, refreshing and non-restrictive. .......it may jostle her somewhat.
Let’s hold that thought in our collective consciousness!!!
words of wisdom. Some may appear a bit harsh, but I think they've got a point. Some of them, obviously have dealt with believing family members thus, they know how to handle believing members with kid gloves
I know you are right Ray….and I don’t view anyone’s words as harsh…it is only reality with the duds..
Keep on loving Heather.
Of course I will….It is what a mom does best.
This shunning practice is enough to send any questioning or curious JW wannabee, hopefully in the other direction. This is a religion that likes to pride itself on it's *Family values* etc., well, Estee can tell you otherwise, as well as thousands of others.
I hope this post will help others who are curious about leaving the dubs…or going into the dubs….it is a case of the Eagles “Hotel California” de ja vu, “You can come in but you can never leave…” Demonic religion!...
Give him a call will you Estee. Tell him 'Ray says "hello" ' for me will you? Thanks.
I will, Ray! Thanks so much for your incredible support!
Big Hug to my adopted sister (((ESTEE)))
WooHoo….brother number 7!!! Ooops, did I tell you I already have six brothers? Not selfishness here...noooo waaay!!!
notperfectyet wrote:
How old is your daughter?
26 years old, single, living with a room mate and scared to death of men.
I have had the same experience with my daughter, except the situation was reversed, I was the one who shunned her while she was df'd.
Awwww….notperfectyet…I hear you. I too, shunned my mom for five years, thus Heather’s learned behaviour. It is a terribly poignant life lesson, isn’t it?
I can't take back those years, but my best advice for you, this is what worked for me, leave her alone. As painful as that might be, quit contact with her. You are her mom, she will need you at some point, but not now. She is on a self sacrificing mission for no one.
Yes, I see the wisdom in your words. I will back off. The emptiness of her life might attract her to me again.
Scully wrote:
{{{{{{{{{ Estee }}}}}}}}}}}} I am so sorry for the cold heartless treatment you received from your daughter. ….. she is miserable and exhausted from doing everything the JWs and WTS demands of her
Awww….Scully, you are another awesome presence on this board….and I know that you understand trying to meet JW demands is never good enough, either, is it? Just an endless treadmill….Poor Heather!!!
Thank you all for your supportive and helpful and nurturing words of comfort and encouragement. What a great group of friends I have here on the forum!!! You are the best!!!!!
So what will I do with my grief? I had a good cry while reading all your wonderful replies. I went out and bought a rosebush to put on my balcony, to represent my relationship with my daughter. I planted two geraniums in the pot with the rose. Geraniums have natural anti-depressant qualities. Being planted in the same pot as the rose, I figure that a metaphysical healing will take place with me first, and perhaps also with my daughter. Nice thought, anyway….a mere representation, I know. Just something pro-active to help me deal with the issues.
Much love and appreciation for all of you!
ESTEE
