You are SO not gonna believe this

by LovesDubs 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    Well prodigal JW husband came home last night from his JW field trip back up north. We had the house all cleaned and daddy was on the way home from the airport...but didnt show up. I knew immediately where he was. I went past the bar and bingo! Truck's out front!! I was beyond mad, REDLINE mad, murder MAD! He looked up and saw me standing by the door...and when I asked him what the hell he was doing??? He wouldnt reply. Said nothing. Said he "had nothing to say". So I said "then F____YOU!" and left. I did a few minutes of grocery shopping...(life goes on at home I STILL have to provide for my home) to try to cool off and when I got home he was there. Pacing....he had forgotten his $3000 business laptop on the SHUTTLE for the parking lot at the airport and was frantically trying to locate it. Jesus...maybe if he wasnt so Fing much in a hurry to get back to that damn bar.... so he tells me to ride with him and we would "talk"...because somebody mercifully found it. I prayed to God for that computer...it has our BUSINESS on it..but of course Jehovah doesnt listen to me so....

    He said I had it all wrong that he DIDNT go to the bar a lot and DID come home after work and DIDNT neglect his family...and Im thinking shitski I HAVE THE RECEIPTS from all his bar dates and I dont know WHOSE house he thinks he is going to and WHOSE family...but it sure as hell wasnt MINE.

    I finally said..."so whats with you removing all your literature from the bookshelves and stacking it in our BEDROOM? Are you accusing me of theft or destruction or hiding them or what? What is that??" and he said....

    "I removed them from the shelves because YOUR BOOKS ARE THERE AND I CONSIDER THEM DEMONIC! I dont want Jehovahs books next to SATANS and I want them removed from the house!" I freaked...I was like " well I consider YOURS to be demonic and if MINE go YOURS go too!" He said "I know that you work for Satan...I know that you use our literature against us and I consider you one of Satans Minions! The day you disassociated was the saddest day of my life...I knew on that day that unless you turned around and saw the error of your ways Jehovah was going to destroy you.!"

    I went ballistic. "And so WHAT?? YOU are on the right path to salvation? YOU are the perfect example of what God wants? YOU think going to bars and getting drunk and ignoring your family...forget ME what about your kids?? is the WAY for Christians?" He said...forget about whatever flaws you THINK I have at least IM on the path that Jehovah has commanded and YOU ARENT"

    Holyshitski...Ive never been so ripped to shreds in my whole life.

    I realized then...I was talking to a solid wall of granite. And that this insanity was all bullshit but I was allowing it to get to me. None of it was REAL and I knew that...and you guys know that...but it ALWAYS WORKS to get to me.

    I stopped right then and there...couldnt bring myself to speak another word to him. Spent the rest of the hour and a half trip totally in tears of frustration and pain. He went to bed without another word when we got home.

    I stayed up until 2:30 am thinking and thinking...and I decided to take the high moral ground on this one. And some of you might think Im selling out...but I love this man of 16 years of marriage, I would NOT be happier with him out of my life and if what will fix this is me getting rid of my books ( I have what...like 4 of them???) and getting rid of my screen name on AOL that has been my AntiJW antagonist name for 7 years...I think I can do that. I think since none of what they believe actually exists in ANY kind of reality....Im bowing to the insanity. Playing the game if you will. Not in essence giving up anything because Satan doesnt employ me. But thats THEIR take on the world. There will have to be concessions on his part too...and we havent gotten down to that yet but I woke him up at that point and we talked civilly until 4 am. He doesnt want me to leave nor does he want to leave and he genuinely wants this marriage to work...but wasnt able until I forced his hand...to say WHY he was staying away.

    I have a lot of reservations about the success of all this. He has promised to stop this avoidance thing before and it has always been shortlived and overcome by his "single" tendencies.

    I checked all my books for demons this morning. Couldnt find any except maybe in Barefoots book :) I watched them to see if they were trying to sneak into my bedroom and attack his ....perhaps they only do that under cover of darkness. I thought about putting them on opposite shelves but wasnt sure if demons can penetrate wood.

    Anybody want some books? Id be happy to ship em off to ya.

    FreakinINFlorida

  • Yerusalyim
    Yerusalyim

    Interested in your books, sorry for your predicament. Jeez, I don't know what to say....you're not thinking of going back, are ya?

  • rocketman
    rocketman

    I guess your hubby doesn't realize that God judges people based on their behavior, not on their claims. He thinks he's on some right path because he's a jw, even though he neglects his family? Wow, he needs a wake-up call.

    Lovesdubs, I am very sorry to hear about this, and I am sure we all understand why you feel the need to take the moral high ground here and talk things out with him. Saving a marriage is certainly a worthy endeavor. But hopefully, he will do what he needs to do too, because as we all know it takes two to resolve difficulties and make things work.

  • 95stormfront
    95stormfront
    I decided to take the high moral ground on this one. And some of you might think Im selling out...but I love this man of 16 years of marriage, I would NOT be happier with him out of my life and if what will fix this is me getting rid of my books ( I have what...like 4 of them???) and getting rid of my screen name on AOL that has been my AntiJW antagonist name for 7 years...I think I can do that.

    As long as you're not being physically threatened, I salute you in your efforts to to save your marriage.

    But I fear that in your quest to take the moral high ground and making a concession without a clear indication that he's even interested in reciprocating in any way will embolden him to intensify the use this "spoiled brat" tactic to force the JW issue even further.

    I hope for your sake that what you're doing will not serve to reinforce that "wall of granite".

  • Loris
    Loris
    ...but I love this man of 16 years of marriage, I would NOT be happier with him out of my life and if what will fix this is me getting rid of my books ( I have what...like 4 of them???)

    16 years is quite an investment. If there is still love there and you are not in danger then a few compromises are not a bad thing. Maybe your demonic books can go on vacation to a friend's house.

    The hubby is still held in bondage to the Watchtower. He is still the great guy you married, just temporarily insane. You will still have many crazy days while he is trying to make the Watchtower insanity make sense. His brain is being twisted by the crap.

    On another note the kids still need their Dad. Never underestimate the needs of a kid for their Dad. Us women have put up with a lot of crap for thousands of years for the sake of the kids. And IMHO it was worth it.

    Hang in there girl. This too will pass. One thought that helped me endure the seemingly unendurable is this, "You can endure anything , as long as you know it is just temporary"

    (((((((((((LovesDubs))))))))))))

    Loris

  • gcc2k
    gcc2k

    Got 2 words for you. Marriage counselor.
    You have bigger issues than just religion.

  • Francois
    Francois

    What I SO don't believe is that you're going to stay in this marriage. Actually, since I worked for awhile in a battered women's shelter, I guess I have to admit that I reall DO believe it, I mean it's right before my eyes so how can I not believe it?

    But I can tell you this, it was the same women who kept coming back to the shelter time after time and each time they were battered just a little bit worse than the last time. And when their husbands showed up to get them, each time they were a little bit more pitiful than last time. And this went on until either he killed his wife and the cops got him, or the woman finally left for good.

    Just like clockwork, every time. "I've loved him for so long. He needs me so much. The children need him/want him/love him/miss him/ etc." It's like listening to a stuck record.

    At least get him to go to a counselor.

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    I was married to an extremely verbally mentally physically abusive man last time around...and yeah he OWNED me for four years. I literally ran for my life when I left that one. Comparatively speaking, this is a cakewalk. Wouldnt want to be in that situation ever again with a loaded 38 in my headboard and a fifth of gin a night drunk.

    This is religious abuse if there is such a thing. Its also Ku Klux Klan and Nazi ism in my opinion...when a group thinks that if you dont act think and speak like them, you need to be eliminated.

    We broached the counselor thing last night and he agreed. Which is a relief. Of course all that might change if he tells any elders he is seeing one. YOu know how they are about worldly shrinks.

    Excuse me...I have to go remove my books from the shelves. I can hear them in there attacking Dr. Seuss.

    Keep the support coming guys...I really need it. Im almost 49 years old with kids 8.12 and 14...Im SO not gonna go start this whole process over again to find another "prince charming".... soooo not gonna do that.

  • WildHorses
    WildHorses

    Hi Loves,

    If you think you can make this work, then go for it.(short of being a dub of course) At least this way, if it doesn't work out, you know you gave it your all. You never know, you may just win him over by doing this.

    I wish you all the best lady, you deserve it.

    Shari/Luv2Shari

  • shamus
    shamus

    What a good christian he is.

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