Well prodigal JW husband came home last night from his JW field trip back up north. We had the house all cleaned and daddy was on the way home from the airport...but didnt show up. I knew immediately where he was. I went past the bar and bingo! Truck's out front!! I was beyond mad, REDLINE mad, murder MAD! He looked up and saw me standing by the door...and when I asked him what the hell he was doing??? He wouldnt reply. Said nothing. Said he "had nothing to say". So I said "then F____YOU!" and left. I did a few minutes of grocery shopping...(life goes on at home I STILL have to provide for my home) to try to cool off and when I got home he was there. Pacing....he had forgotten his $3000 business laptop on the SHUTTLE for the parking lot at the airport and was frantically trying to locate it. Jesus...maybe if he wasnt so Fing much in a hurry to get back to that damn bar.... so he tells me to ride with him and we would "talk"...because somebody mercifully found it. I prayed to God for that computer...it has our BUSINESS on it..but of course Jehovah doesnt listen to me so....
He said I had it all wrong that he DIDNT go to the bar a lot and DID come home after work and DIDNT neglect his family...and Im thinking shitski I HAVE THE RECEIPTS from all his bar dates and I dont know WHOSE house he thinks he is going to and WHOSE family...but it sure as hell wasnt MINE.
I finally said..."so whats with you removing all your literature from the bookshelves and stacking it in our BEDROOM? Are you accusing me of theft or destruction or hiding them or what? What is that??" and he said....
"I removed them from the shelves because YOUR BOOKS ARE THERE AND I CONSIDER THEM DEMONIC! I dont want Jehovahs books next to SATANS and I want them removed from the house!" I freaked...I was like " well I consider YOURS to be demonic and if MINE go YOURS go too!" He said "I know that you work for Satan...I know that you use our literature against us and I consider you one of Satans Minions! The day you disassociated was the saddest day of my life...I knew on that day that unless you turned around and saw the error of your ways Jehovah was going to destroy you.!"
I went ballistic. "And so WHAT?? YOU are on the right path to salvation? YOU are the perfect example of what God wants? YOU think going to bars and getting drunk and ignoring your family...forget ME what about your kids?? is the WAY for Christians?" He said...forget about whatever flaws you THINK I have at least IM on the path that Jehovah has commanded and YOU ARENT"
Holyshitski...Ive never been so ripped to shreds in my whole life.
I realized then...I was talking to a solid wall of granite. And that this insanity was all bullshit but I was allowing it to get to me. None of it was REAL and I knew that...and you guys know that...but it ALWAYS WORKS to get to me.
I stopped right then and there...couldnt bring myself to speak another word to him. Spent the rest of the hour and a half trip totally in tears of frustration and pain. He went to bed without another word when we got home.
I stayed up until 2:30 am thinking and thinking...and I decided to take the high moral ground on this one. And some of you might think Im selling out...but I love this man of 16 years of marriage, I would NOT be happier with him out of my life and if what will fix this is me getting rid of my books ( I have what...like 4 of them???) and getting rid of my screen name on AOL that has been my AntiJW antagonist name for 7 years...I think I can do that. I think since none of what they believe actually exists in ANY kind of reality....Im bowing to the insanity. Playing the game if you will. Not in essence giving up anything because Satan doesnt employ me. But thats THEIR take on the world. There will have to be concessions on his part too...and we havent gotten down to that yet but I woke him up at that point and we talked civilly until 4 am. He doesnt want me to leave nor does he want to leave and he genuinely wants this marriage to work...but wasnt able until I forced his hand...to say WHY he was staying away.
I have a lot of reservations about the success of all this. He has promised to stop this avoidance thing before and it has always been shortlived and overcome by his "single" tendencies.
I checked all my books for demons this morning. Couldnt find any except maybe in Barefoots book :) I watched them to see if they were trying to sneak into my bedroom and attack his ....perhaps they only do that under cover of darkness. I thought about putting them on opposite shelves but wasnt sure if demons can penetrate wood.
Anybody want some books? Id be happy to ship em off to ya.
FreakinINFlorida