You are SO not gonna believe this

by LovesDubs 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mary

  We broached the counselor thing last night and he agreed. Which is a relief. Of course all that might change if he tells any elders he is seeing one. YOu know how they are about worldly shrinks.

  LoveDubs, I hate to say it, but this guy has a bigger problem than just the religion: sounds like he's an alcoholic. It also sounds as though he's extremely verbally and emotionally abusive towards you. Anyone who tells their wife that they're "working for Satan" and that they're "going to be destroyed" is not "loving his wife as himself." He might be better than your last husband, but from what you described, that's not saying much. And yes, if the elders find out he's going to a marriage counsellor, especially with his "apostate" wife, they'll almost certainly tell him to stop and that you're trying to "weaken" his faith in the Borg.

  My sister was also with someone who was abusive and who had a big drinking problem. Every time he screwed up, he'd promise he'd go for "help", but then when the time came, he backed out. She stuck with him for YEARS, even though I told her what a slimeball he was. I can almost guarantee that if you make an appointment to see a marriage counsellor, your husband will try and think of an excuse not go. And that's because he knows damn well that the Marriage Counsellor is going to point the finger at HIM for alot of the problems in your marriage, and he won't want to hear it. And of course, the religion issue will come up and he's not going to want to hear anything negative about that either.

  Please think about this very carefully. Already your husband has won one of the arguments: you're getting rid of your "demonic" books. Is he going to get rid of any of HIS literature that bothers you? Please let us know what happens.
• 

  sf

  What about your childrens SANITY?

  This is INsane.

  sKally, ugh!!! klass
• 

  obiwan

  LovesDubs, I do believe in keeping a marriage going but what's next, trying to get yourself reinstated...I think your starting to lose some of yourself in this.
• 

  Prisca

  ((((((lovesdubs)))))) You are living in a very difficult situation, and I just want you to know that you have my support. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I know you will do what you think is best for you and your family.

  Hang in there.
• 

  Francois

  That's something I left out of my post up there. Usually, if the gal gets rid of the abusive husband, she's more likely than not to pick another just like him. I don't know what the mechanics of that are, but it's very predictable. My mother did it. She married someone she didn't love to get away from a dominating, domineering mother who controlled her life. Her first husband was just like her mother. She divorced him and married my father. Guess what? Yep. He was just like her mother, too. But then there was me! And he was gone into the maw of WW II. She just stuck with him.

  I've seen women married to alcoholics pick an alcoholic to replace the first alcoholic; women married to physical batterers pick another batterer to replace the first batterer; and on and on and on.

  I don't unnerstand it. And guys tend to do the same thing. Strange.
• 

  Mary

  Usually, if the gal gets rid of the abusive husband, she's more likely than not to pick another just like him. I don't know what the mechanics of that are, but it's very predictable.

  Actually, I'm learning about this in the Psychology class I'm taking. Seems that to a great extent we are indeed, products of our environment. If someone is raised in a home where their father is abusive towards the wife and children, then there's a very high chance of the children growing up and also marrying someone abusive. Not because they enjoy beaten abused, but because it feels "familiar" to them. These women somehow think that they can "help" their man "change" and become a non-abuser. Statistics show that this rarely, if ever happens and the abuse simply escalates. Over time, a person's self esteem goes lower and lower as it is drilled in to their minds that either they deserve this kind of treatment, they're convinced that they'd never be able to get someone else, or they're terrified of being alone and figure that someone, anyone is better than no one. Money is usually a major factor. Some women have never been on their own and have no idea how to support themselves---they are totally reliant on their husbands.

  Until the abused person gets some professional help, they'll end up staying in a horrible relationship, simply because it's easier to.
• 

  Mulan

  Your situation reminds me so much of my niece's situation before she divorced her alcoholic, abusive husband. She posts here as Inky, so you can look up her profile if you want to. They went to counseling for a long time..............eventually the counselor told them the religion thing was a "marriage breaker" and unless he could compromise on things, they needed to divorce. He refused to compromise..........it was his way or the highway.

  Try counseling though.............maybe your hubby isn't as controlling and indoctrinated as her husband was. It's always worth a shot. I think many people really come to terms with why they are in such a controlling religion when they hear an expert discuss things calmly.
• 

  seven006

  Get yourself one of those little watchman's and set up a little theater for the demons to hang out in. They can go through wood but only the ones who are like super hero demons. The rest have to use tiny little ladders. If you set up the little theater try to fit it into a shoe box with little doors on it. When your husband mentions something about demons again you can point to the shoe box and tell him they are in their theater watching the Ya Ya Sisterhood. I heard most demons have a real thing for Sandra Bullock, I know mine do.

  Just a thought.

  Dave
• 

  kgfreeperson

  May I recommend _A General Theory of Love_? (Lewis, Amini and Lannon).
• 

  SheilaM

  Lovedubs: You are enabling another abuser. I can't imagine ever looking Thunder in the eye afte what he said. Also, NO IT'S NOT NORMAL THAT YOU HAVE THAT MANY BAR RECIEPTS. In 19 years of marriage Thunder has never chosen to go to the bar instead of home. He has issues. I hope you both get help. You need to realize you traded one for another type same though.