((((((LovesDubs))))))
I'm going to throw in my .02, but first I'm going to tell you that reading your first post and then this one were gut wrenchers for me. I lived your life with my X for 30 years.......wasted the last 10 thinking he really would follow through with changing as he promised me soooooooo many times he would. The only good thing that came out of it was I continued in marriage counseling after he quit (went one time) I got stronger, learned a lot about myself and finally got the strength to leave him. BTW we had 5 kids a big consideration for my staying. Oh and I was totally a JW at this time we were on the same page with the JW thing except he wasn't a strong JW and I wanted him to be.
This is the statement from you that really jumped out at me:
Im almost 49 years old with kids 8.12 and 14...Im SO not gonna go start this whole process over again to find another "prince charming".... soooo not gonna do that.
Oh girl! You really need to reach deep down into your inner strenght and realize that you don't need a man, get this ANY MAN to complete YOU! There are no "prince charmings" and guess what you aren't a princess either! I don't mean that snooty........it's just life and life isn't a fairy tale event! Get real! You've got to get some balls and I think counseling for yourself even if he doesn't continue to go would be great!
What Mary said is right on:
LoveDubs, I hate to say it, but this guy has a bigger problem than just the religion: sounds like he's an alcoholic. It also sounds as though he's extremely verbally and emotionally abusive towards you. Anyone who tells their wife that they're "working for Satan" and that they're "going to be destroyed" is not "loving his wife as himself." He might be better than your last husband, but from what you described, that's not saying much. And yes, if the elders find out he's going to a marriage counsellor, especially with his "apostate" wife, they'll almost certainly tell him to stop and that you're trying to "weaken" his faith in the Borg.
Money is usually a major factor. Some women have never been on their own and have no idea how to support themselves---they are totally reliant on their husbands. Until the abused person gets some professional help, they'll end up staying in a horrible relationship, simply because it's easier to.
I wish now I would have known how to play the system, you can make him leave the family home and he will still have to support you, the children and keep up the house payments! Check into the laws in your state regarding your rights upon seperation. Use his JW religion to make him support his children and provide a home for them, get the elders involved in this! LOL
If you stay with him and try to work out the marriage which can be a good thing as long as you are BOTH working on it. Use this time to get some job skills, go to school whatever it takes to become self reliant. I wish I would have done that........but I was able to support myself after I left, it was hard work but felt so good to be on my own and making it!
We broached the counselor thing last night and he agreed. Which is a relief. Of course all that might change if he tells any elders he is seeing one. YOu know how they are about worldly shrinks.
The proof is in the pudding...........IF he really does follow through and really does commit to working on himself and the marriage then he's a keeper. He shouldn't care what the elder's say, in fact he shouldn't even tell them about it, it's none of their business. If he doesn't.........girly kick him to the curb! You don't need years more of grief, broken promisses and him telling you that you are the problem.
I highly suspect that a counselor will tell you both to drop the religion discussions and work on the "other" problems, the religion will sort itself out once you are both on the right track with your marriage. Many people are able to be in a marriage with different religions and it can and does work if they both have respect for each others feelings and can be a peace with who they are as an individual.
I wish the best for you LovesDubs and you shouldn't have to give up yourself to be loved by him!
Kate
