My heart is breaking...

Billygoat

...for my friend. She is 32, incredibly intelligent, holds a masters degree, is a teacher at a local high school where the kids adore her, a fantastic wit...AND she's drop-dead gorgeous. For those of you at my wedding, she was the bridesmaid with the naturally curly auburn-hair down to her waist. Elizabeth (not her real name) has had such a tough time this past year. More than anything in the world she has wanted to get married and have a hoard of kids. Two years ago, she was diagnosed with endometriosis and was told she's probably never have children. Last summer she met Will (not his real name) the man of her dreams, only to find out he was dating someone else the whole time and in the end hear him say "I just thought we were friends". GRRRR!!!! This past year alone she has had 8 - 10 friends get engaged or married. Everyone around her seems to have found their soulmate. Just this weekend she found out that Will got married just this Saturday to the girl he was two-timing on her with.

Why am I coming here with this? I guess partly to just share my heartache. She is one of the best friends I've ever had and there is NOTHING I can do to make her feel better. She is so sad and depressed right now that she feels she will never have her biggest wish/desire fulfilled. She's been like this for about 9 months now. Since my wedding really. I've listened to her, given her advice, try to cheer her up with flowers, sent her dozens of emails, quoted her scriptures, told her I love her. I know girl friendships can't take the place of a romantic one, but it seems as though nothing can pull her out of the funk. I know eventually she will, but the heartache of watching my friend agonizing over her losses kills me. I feel a bit like a momma - I want to make her feel better. I'm sitting here in tears as I type this. I can't stand seeing someone I love hurting. I can't do ANYTHING about this.

Help.

Andi

PS: I've already offered to "teepee" his house with molasses, eggs, and colored construction paper, but that didn't even cheer her up. *sigh*

WildHorses

I know exactly how she feels. I've been there. The only difference is, I got over it and now I don't even want a man. I like being single. My time is mine, no one telling me what to do.....As if. he he

Just keep on being there for her. She will get over this and by the time she does, her Mr Right may just find her. It always seems to work that way. When you least expect it.

Please give her a hug from me. Someone who understands.

Shari

worldlygirl

Oh, I feel so bad for your friend. I had one in the same predicament, and really, Billygoat, there is nothing you can do. I know it sounds silly, but time takes care of things like this. Although, I do like the idea of vandalizing the guys house...

She is so fortunate to have a caring friend like you. Take her out to a comedy club, buy her a couple of tequila shots, help her forget her troubles. She WILL find the perfect someone, and eventually she will be glad to be rid of that sorry, two-timing bastard . . .

SixofNine

No comment needed.

Big Tex

Gee Andi, I can't think of anything other than just being there for her. Sometimes you've got to just feel bad until you don't feel bad anymore, and all a friend can do is provide a shoulder to cry on.

I'm assuming she's getting out and mixing with others. What are her likes and dislikes? Is there a place where she could volunteer, such as KERA, that might put her in the mix to meet a really good guy?

MegaDude

I can't do ANYTHING about this.

You're exactly right, so stop beating yourself up about it. All you can do is be a supportive friend and that's enough.

She's lucky to have you as her friend. If she is as smart, attractive, and wonderful as you say she is (and I'm sure she is) then she will have no problem meeting a wonderful guy. I think it's great she didn't up with the creep who led her on. How long would have given that marriage?

Joyzabel

*wondering why Six posted a pic of Moe, Larry & Curly!!!

Billygoat

Thanks you guys for the encouragement! I'm just so sad for her. Partly because I've been there - partly because I don't think many men are worthy of her.

(((((((Shari)))))))) The month right before Neil and I hooked up, I decided to just be happy being single. I'd been divorced once, just gone through another breakup with the man I though I was going to marry and had been dating to have "fun". After several months of dating for entertainment's value, I gave up. Not like "I give up", but more like "I'm happy being by myself right now." One month later Neil asked me out. From there it's history.

((((((((worldlygirl))))))))) A comedy club is a great idea! Thanks so much! We've got a one in town that is like that Drew Carey's "Whose Line is it Anyway?" It's called AdLibs - they are awesome, but it's been years since I've been. Now we've got the perfect reason! Thank you!

((((((((Six)))))))))) - You are so sweet! I love that picture! I'm trying to figure out why you apostates are praying though.

((((((((Chris)))))))))) Thank you! Yes, she is very active in her church and has several friends she socializes with regularly. But there is this underlying sadness to her soul that is hard to miss. She appears confident, overly so sometimes, but for those of us that know her, know it's a self-preservation mechanism.

I've known Elizabeth for 6 years now. It's taken me almost that amount of time to REALLY get to know her, as she is a hard nut to crack. Her father died when she was 8, she was raped when she was 10, her mother has flat out told her that she loves her sister more and reinforces it with her behavior. *sigh* I know this is silly, but have you ever had a "soul-mate" out there that is of the same sex? If I have one it's her. She understands me in ways that none of my other girlfriends understand. We have too many losses in common. Losing our father's at an early age - her's to death, mine to a cult. We've both experienced childhood rapes by a trusted friend. We've both experienced abandonment in ways you should never experienced. If I could adopt her as my soul-sister I would.

I try to remind her of the "dry" spell I went through in my romantic life several years ago, but it's hard because I HAVE an awesome husband. I have been blessed beyond belief with Neil and she's witness that. But instead of giving her hope, it makes her feel left out and forgotten by God.

Thanks again y'all. Any other suggestions I'll take. I can't help her when I'm crying like a baby though.

Billygoat

Sorry I missed Mega's and Joy's comments:

I think it's great she didn't up with the creep who led her on. How long would have given that marriage?

(((((Mega)))))))))))) - that is exactly what I said to her. He's a L-O-S-E-R!!! But when you're in love sometimes you overlook the deepest and glaring faults. She's just becoming bitter about it and I wish I could make it better for her. You know me...I want everyone to be happy with their lives. Forever the co-dependent trying to "fix" things.

((((((((MamaJoy)))))))))) Is Six trying to get me to play cupid?

WildHorses

I know this is silly, but have you ever had a "soul-mate" out there that is of the same sex?

That isn't silly at all. Mattie is mine. We have been best friends for over 16 years. We have gone more than a year without seeing or talking and when we finally did again, it was as if we had never been apart. We have never once had an arguement. If she were a man, she would be mine.

She told me something last week that saddend me. Her husband is in Homer, LA. He started a new job out in the oil fields. He is an engineer and if the job goes well, she will be moving there next year. I don't want her to go, but if it will make things better in her life, i'm happy for her. You best believe I will be saving every penny I can, so that I will be able to go visit her. I love her with all my heart.

So, no, you are not being silly at all.

My heart is breaking...

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