Who's responsibility is it to tell other JW's you're disfellowshipped? (page 2)

what-now?

I don't feel like a newbie because I've been lurking for about a year and a half (or more). I had actually registered under the same Avatar (it took me a minute to know what you meant by "avatar"--I'm only semi-geeky, don't know all the terms yet), just spelled differently.

I was raised in the truth--4th generation (I used to say that proudly). I was disfellowshipped about 2 years ago (fornication--hey everyone has their vices ) and a friend (fellow witness who used to post here even though he wasn't d'fd) told me about this web site. I felt 'bad' reading it the first couple of times then, I was hooked.

I just wonder what should I do now, after all of the mind games. My whole identity has been morphing since I've opened my eyes.

My family is still in the truth. They don't speak to me except under dire circumstances (someone going into hospital, death in family, etc.). They don't even spend much time with my two kids (girl 11, boy 16).

We went back to the hall religiously (pardon the pun) after I was disfellowshipped. I tried to get reinstated right away (you know, straighten up and fly right--stop sleeping with my worldly boyfriend) but they continued with their control tactics..."We don't feel you're ready" "You don't attend enough meetings" (THAT was the real kicker!)

Now I go every once in a while, with the kids (they hate to go) on Sunday only. Why go through the week when I don't go in field service? Besides it wastes perfectly good evenings! I want my kids to have some spiritual up bringing, but in the car on the way home, I take the opportunity to have them look at some of the things said with a different view-point. Everything I hear, I take with a grain of salt. I have one of the X-file mottos: "Question Everything". No more taking everything dished up to me in meetings. It was such an eye opener to understand (from this board) that much/most of the things the Witnesses claim are blessed or spirit directed, are NOT.

What do I do now?

gumby

Everything I hear, I take with a grain of salt. I have one of the X-file mottos: "Question Everything".

If you do this......you'll do fine. When you spend some time examining the Witnesses........you will in time, be free to continue your search....on what YOU believe is 'truth".

Gumby

SixofNine

What do I do now?

Live a great life. Love your fellowman. Love your mother (earth). Love the world and the things of the world, for they are amazing. As far as it is reasonable, be peaceable with all people. Vote. (or not). Make a hobby out of studying up on Jewish mythology. Read Jane Goodalls book about a reason for hope. ~~Fornicate~~ have guilt free sex with your boyfriend. Tell your children the truth about what you know about god (nothing). Take pleasure in admiting what you don't know. Take pleasure in learning facts, not opinions of people with agendas.

But more than all those others*, seek happiness, and don't feel even a little guilty if when you find it.

*pun intended

BTW, welcome to the board :)

noidea

Do what makes you comfortable..if you do tell them then you won't have to worry about the invitations to the hall. I was just DF'ed a few weeks ago. I work with 2 JW's. I told them both because I like them both and know how they feel and respect that. They were both sweet, both hugged me and both still talk to me. I wouldn't have bothered if I didn't know the person and see them everyday.

RAYZORBLADE

Hi What-Now. Nice to see your post.

It's a good question and an important one especially after being either DF'd/DA'd or shunned regardless of either.

Gumby is right: (Jesika's sister said it too) about NOT playing by their rules.

That hit me, even after 20 years, like a ton of bricks.

Nice to see another Ohio person on-line. Whereabouts are you?

I visit Cleveland now and again, and I communicate with a couple of Ohio ex-JWs. Who knows, you may be nearer to one than you think.

Teenyuck: is a hoot!

Lisalasvegas420 is loads of fun to chat with too.

There are a few others on here, and I'd LOVE to meet them.

Anyways, good question What-Now, I hope the responses have helped you in your decision making regarding this matter.

Best to you! Stay in the shade...it's gonna be a hot one in the lower Great Lakes this week.

myself

Welcome what-now? !!!!

Disfellowshipping is part of their rules. You don't owe anyone anything. Do what you are comfortable with.

foreword

Really it's their rules....let them figure it out.

Welcome

mark

freedom96

I would not offer the fact that you are df'd. Perhaps they would get to know you a little and realize that you are a good person, regardless of what cult put a label on you.

Cicatrix

Welcome What-Now,

I understand the concern you feel about raising your children to be spiritual persons. That's what kept me unhappily in the Jehovah's Witness organization for years after I knew that everything was not what it was supposed to be in the "spiritual paradise." Ultimately, a couple of my children quit attending meetings before I did. They told me they just couldn't live the Witness brand of spirituality. I later learned that one of my children was so unhappy because of the religion, they considered suicide!!

Please stop and think for a minute. The Witnesses say over and over that it is manifest that they are the "only true religion" because "by their fruits you will know them." Okay, think of how you've been treated when you've made an effort to go back. Does this apply to you? Read again the experiences of others on this board. Does this apply to them? Look up the characterisitcs of high control religions on the net. Do any apply to the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society?

And ask yourself-Am I truly, truly going to be able to live this life?

There is a huge difference between following the tenants of a religion and being spiritual. Not one single person on this earth has the right to tell you that God has given up on you just because you don't choose to worship their way!!

I highly recommend the book "The New Revelation" (although I can't remember who the author is).

As regards to your kids, have you spoken to them about how they really feel? When I did, I was quite surprised.

Since we left, we are much closer as a family. My kids have not abandoned their values. It doesn't take five meetings a week for me to get through to them what decency is all about. They are happier and more cooperative. Life is good again:)

As far as whether you should let Witnesses know you are disfellowshipped or not, well, that's got to be your call. If you really want to get reinstated, you are expected to follow the Watchtower Society's rules. It's a requirement of membership. If you are caught by an "inquiring" JW, there will no doubt be consequences for you.

I personally have left for good on my own terms. I am labeled by them "an apostate", simply because I chose not to practice their religion anymore, not for any sin mentioned in the Bible. I left with the full knowlege that I would be shunned by most. I believe in freedom of religion. If a Jehovah's Witness chooses to shun me by not talking to me and/or looking the other way when they see me in public, so be it. But, if they attempt to play mind control games by making a display of ignoring me and engaging my children in conversation (there were always reasons why they couldn't be baptised while we were attending), I will speak to them. By initiating contact and then making a show of shunning me, they have broken the rules. They have established a contact. Therefore, I exercise my right to acknowledge their presence. If they choose to run off when I speak to them, that is their right, but I WILL explain to any bystanders EXACTLY what is going on.

Best wishes for whatever you decide

Cicatrix

Please don't be offended by my stating that I was not DA'd for any sin per se (although there was one elder in particular who was working hard to find a sin-hehe. He is the same one that went directly to my mother's house after our final meeting and told her that if she continued to talk to me, she would NEVER be baptised-surprise, surprise). I was making no judgement against you. I was trying to point out the fact that I am being shunned simply because I left the organisation, and for no other reason.

I personally think that whatever you do is your business and no one elses.

You hit the nail on the head when you said you shouldn't have to confess over and over again. I was expected to confess to a sin I never comitted, based on the unfounded rumors of an unbelieving relative, who, it turns out, is simply pissed off because they wanted to buy the house that we bought!!!! And yes, elders can use information from "unbelievers" against you, according to the sheperding book.

Regards,

Cicatrix

Who's responsibility is it to tell other JW's you're disfellowshipped?

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