Old board member here..an anonymous thread; Depression-a little help please (page 5)

Asside form the good advice offered already I have a few thoughts.

I have found that participation on these kind of boards can bring up a lot for me. I go through a cycle of energy spurts, then I quit for a bit and go through a depression as it brings up many thoughts of my current situation or my painful past. Dwelling on these things too much can really sap me. Sometimes I try to escape into star trek movies for an entire weekend to get my mind shifted to anything that I can have some measure of control over. I know this sounds like AA, sorry, but to recognise the things you can not control, and then put your energy into the things you can control is good advice.

If you have absolutly no desire to venture back into spirituality, then what else is there? Plenty! You may want to find a physical hobby or project that is more likely to bring you to a state of JOY more often. Learning to dance, or fish, what really lights you up, what brings you personally back to life? I still have fond memories of the band I once played in after I finally got out of the Org. I have created many memories that bring me joy in the recall and a little shot of energy with the memory. I have to admit that even having spent many hours on support boards most of my fondest memories do not come from them. Getting free is just the first step to recovery. Generating "fun to remember" life expierences requires the ability to once again jump into life. Jumping back into life requires letting go of the scars of the past and once again opening your heart to a new begining. What opens your heart? Have you become too synical to reopen it?

I am glad you have seen a doctor, but what you are describbing, sounds like maybe a mid life crises. What have I done in my life? What reference do I base success on? What makes me feel fulfilled? What makes me happy? No longer pleased to know that others see me as good or stable, now I am confronted with "how do I see me?" How I percieve myself is now becomming more important then how others see me. And what I see, is not making me happy and not very inspiring.

Are you at a point of apathy? Rather then anger. Anger can be acted on, but apathy is the final giving up of something beyond your control. It is considered the lowest emotional state right above death on the tone scale.

Finding a level of humor in your life can help. Have you ever looked at yourself from outside, and viewed your struggles as someone else might? What the blank is that guy thinking? Who does he think he is? If you are expecting yourself to be as perfect as Jesus, holding yourself to a high standard, never having to learn the hard way, and taking it all so seriously, it can be helpful to begin laughing at yourself for your own arrogance. We Ex's like to still believe that we can change others, and are responsible for others decisions often feeling responsible for them. A very draining practice.

Note these are many of the personal thoughts and feeling I have had which led to an apathy for life, I am not trying to diagnose you ......... please see a theraphist if you can work it into your life. The drugs can slow down the process and make it much smother, but sooner or later I had to ask myself the question, why keep living? Where is the joy to come from? At 48 the reasons are much different then they were at 21 for me, but I kept expecting that they were the same. I go to the Unitiarians now, not to be converted or to fix some doctrine, but to feel Joy as a story is related. A real life human expierence shared with others. Spending more of my time in the emotional and accepting that part of me is an emotional being, is healthy. If I end up crying or laughing then the service was worth it. I am once again alive! When I loose that ability to open my heart and live only from my head I start to feel dead again. Good advice to realize this and start to care for myself and find activities that reenergize the emotions.

Well enough of my thoughts, I sincerely wish you the best and hope you find the answers!

(((Hugs)))

Old board member here..an anonymous thread; Depression-a little help please

aspiration

libra_spirit

Share this