by metatron 40 Replies latest jw friends
"What the hell was I thinking?"
There is a certain kind of genius in the simple question.
This is probably one of the most far reaching questions ever put forth on this board. I look back now, years of my life wasted, my youth spent on busy work and burning hours of my life peddling worthless magazine in the heat and cold.
So, what the hell was I thinking?
My one thought was: "I don't want to live forever with these people."
Nina
The one thought going through my mind at the time I opened the door to the committee meeting where my three yr old was sitting was "How much love are they showing my son? Sitting him next to the perpetrator.
The next thought: "If they can vote me to be disfellowshipped for showing compassion and love for my son then this isn't the religion Jehovah chose." My whole world flashed in front of my eyes, my whole life and it was all going to be taken away within an instant of just opening a door.
Stupidity reigns, compassion denied, love you will not find, until you reach the other side.
I am who I am today because of my past. My parents didn't know any better and when I turned 18 I didn't have the knowledge to seperate myself. I don't blame anyone. I chalk it up to experience and move on. You win some you lose some. You always keep going.
Cathy
what-now?, I used to have the strangest thoughts whenever a "friend" talked in happiness about the destruction of mankind. I thought, "It would be good if Jah did not destroy your neighbors. It would be even better if you personally complained about their non-destruction and a shark popped up to immediately bite your head off...like Jonah but with more cenematic drama." Anyway, my one thought was, "WTF???? How did I get in here?"
My thought came to me while I was reading the Bible without a WT to guide me. I thought "hey the Bible doesn't say what the WTS says it does." After that, no matter how many times my parents made me attend meetings, I knew it was just a matter of time til I was out of their house and away from the WTS.
Robyn
There were many instances. They went ignored. But this one event I recall... The CO had come. He's a happy little man with a warm smile. And he liked to tell stories. We were sitting in the KH and he was telling this story about a man who'd wanted to sue someone (his spouse, or the Society or the congregation.. I don't clearly recall...something about blood...) and when the man heard that the Society was getting involved, he withdrew the case; CO added it was because of the reputation the Society had for winning such cases in defence of Jehovah's people....and people were laughed. This wasn't funny. And I thought to me: what am I doing here? Do I really belong here?everyone seemed different after that meeting. How could they be laughing to stuff like that?
The last public talk I attended was about education. I didn't pay attention to a lot of what was said, but one of the fine counsel points covered concerned math. "How much math is appropriate for a Christian to take in School?" the brother asked rhetorically. "Not a lot, just the basics is all you need".
I sat there thinking "WTF????!!!" I had heard micro-managing counsel points like this from the platform a million times before, but for some reason this is the one that caused the levee to break.
Sitting him next to the perpetrator.
How awful for you, and your son. I can only imagine his terror at being placed in such a position, while at the same time you must have been feeling such inner turmoil. On one hand, the natural and correct desire to protect your son, and on the other what you believe to be the "truth" and all that, that implies. Talk about the Devil and the deep blue sea.
I'm glad you came through it, but just know how sorry I am you had to experience it in the first place.
Peace.
ESTEE ------- I guess it was easy for me considering I don't have family in the borg and I was just studying the bible and not baptized . When I realized that it wasn't simply a bible study but an attempt to force someone elses beliefs on me it made me very angry and I just didn't like the attitude that I saw as far respecting someones right to an oppinion . It was either tow the WT line or you where some kind of trouble maker . I think the best thing the study conductor said was " why don't you start your own religion ". If I did I would be sure to exclude an ahole like that guy.
I don't care what you say
I never did believe you much anyway.
I won't be there no more
So get out of my way.
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don't care anymore
Yes! I have a little fantasy where I go back, just long enough to walk out with this song keyed up on the PA system!!!
This song fits the JWs to 't'...I knew I'd won (we'd stopped going but my husband never wanted to talk about it) when my husband and I were driving along one night, and this came on the radio, and we both started singing it at the top of our lungs, and looked at each other and realized we didn't believe it anymore and weren't going to accept them telling us what to do.
