Fluff - Funniest Movie Quotes

by El Kabong 25 Replies latest jw friends

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  berylblue

  Paraphrased:

  Judge: "You're in contempt of court".

  Vinny: "Now there's a f-ing surprise."
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  El Kabong

  Mrs Doubtfire: It was a run-by fruiting! I'd check with the disgruntled staff!
• 

  ignored_one

  Planes, Trains and Automobiles:
  
  "I've never seen a guy being picked up by his testicles before."
  
  Airplane:
  
  "Surely you can't be serious. I am, and don't call me Shirley."
  
  Ignored One.
• 

  El Kabong

  Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.

  He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecap split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin.

  His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off and his penis...
• 

  xjw_b12

  Pink Panther Inspector Clouseau

  "Does your dog bite?" Innkeeper....."no".....(Dog of course bites the Inspector) "I thought you said your dog dosen't bite?" Inkeeper......."that's not my dog"
• 

  GentlyFeral

  There's a scene in A Shot in the Dark where Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers) gets his hand tangled up in a globe. Finally extricating himself, he says, "Oh, look. I've got Africa all over my hand."

  Don't know why that tickles me, but it always does.

  Also -- can't remember the movie, but W. C. Fields, as a card sharp, invites a hick to play poker.

  Hick: "Is that a game of chance?"

  Fields: "Not the way I play it, no.

  GentlyFeral
• 

  greven

  Do TV series count too? I am particulary fond of Blackadder so here are my favourite quotes:

  Blackadder : What are you wearing around your neck?
  Percy : Ah! It's my new ruff!
  Blackadder : You look like a bird who's swallowed a plate.
  Percy : It's the latest fashion actually and as a matter of fact it makes me look rather sexy!
  Blackadder : To another plate swallowing bird perhaps. If it was blind and hadn't had it in months.

  Baldrick : My favourite's the Shadow. What a man! They say he's half way to being the new Robin Hood.
  Blackadder : Why only half way?
  Baldrick : Well he steals from the rich, but he hasn't gone round to giving it to the poor yet.

  Blackadder : Have you ever been to Wales Baldrick?
  Baldrick : No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
  Blackadder : Well don't, it's a ghastly place. Huge gangs of tough sinewy men roam the valleys terrorising people with their close-harmony singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to pronounce the placenames. Never ask for directions in Wales Baldrick, you'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.

  Blackadder : Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
  Baldrick : Yeah! It's like goldy and bronzy, only it's made of iron.

  Wellington : Stand by cannon for loading procedure. Stoke. Muzzle. Wrench. Crank the storm barrel. Pull tee bar.
  Blackadder : "Congratulations on choosing the Armstrong Whitworth four pounder cannonnette. Please read the instructions carefully and it should give years of trouble free maiming."
  Wellington : Check elevation. Chart trajectory. Prime fuse. Aim...

  Blackadder : An unwise action, Baldrick, since Mad McAdder is a homicidal maniac.
  Baldrick : My mother told me to stand up to homicidal maniacs.
  Blackadder : Yes. If this is the same mother who confidently claimed that you were a tall handsome stallion of a man, I should treat her opinions with extreme caution.
  Baldrick : I love my mum.
  Blackadder : And I love chops and sauce but I don't seek their advice.

  Greven
• 

  LittleToe

  ROFLMAO

  The sad thing is that I recall all of those quotes.
  Methinks the "Blackadder" ones are best, though:
  "So you don't know the way to France either!"
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  Angharad

  Monty Pyton - Holy Grail

  "I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
  
• 

  Englishman

  Richard Egan, starring in "The 300 Spartans", concerned that his army thought that he was dead:

  "I must expose myself to my men!"

  Englishman.